Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

WTAF?

82 replies

WhiteLinen784 · 28/10/2023 21:43

Try to keep this short but I'm at a loss!

Background
4 children (3 with ex 14,12 and 8, 1 with husband 2)
Married since 2019
Joint business so work together cleaning holiday lets

Situation today
Cleaning a holiday let and as it's half term children have to come with us - (I'm not allowed to go alone that's another story!)

Nearly finished and dd 12 goes to the car to look for something for me, husband says she's taking too long and goes to see what she is doing taking ds 2 and dd 8 with him to get them in the car. Leaving me and dd 14 finishing off mopping.

Next thing, he comes storming in ds 2 in tears screaming mummy, tells me it's over my daughter is a cunt and storms off walking with the child.

I leave the HL, lock the car with lther children in and follow him up the village lane. He refuses to let me take ds 2 even though hes reaching and screaming for me.

He said dd 12 screamed which upset ds 2 and scared him so he slapped dd12 around the back of the head. He also said i have to choose between ds and dd and he is leaving with ds and it won't be like last time (we split i kept kids). I eventually got ds2 and calmed him as other people were around so saw ds distressed calling me.

Dd12 said he came to the car and he had a go at her, threw her around the car so she screamed so he hit her.

Finished came home. He hasn't said a word to me since.

I can't wait to leave but stuck as no family near and no support. He won't leave.

OP posts:
stitchinguru · 28/10/2023 23:10

YOU are not safeguarding your children.
If you don’t report this, you will be seen as being as guilty as he is in the eyes of the social services.
I’m afraid you don’t have a choice - I hope you find some support.

StoneWashJeansWithAMatchingJacket · 28/10/2023 23:13

pumpkinpie25 · 28/10/2023 23:01

I think it's really easy for people on the internet to tell you to call the police not fully appreciating the amount of drama that will descend on your home, which will in itself be very stressful and traumatic on the dc.

So for that reason I'm not going to jump on the 'YOU MUST CALL THE POLICE AND IF YOU DONT YOU'RE FAILING YOUR KIDS' bandwagon.

But I think you know yourself that is is very abusive and absolutely not ok. Can you stay with your dd tonight so she feels safe? Or even go elsewhere with the dc if he refuses to leave? I don't think I could come back from this. Is there an escape plan at all?

I do know from personal experience what happens when incidents of abuse get reported. Yes there can be “chaos” and distress at first but longterm safety is important and I have no regrets as it my children and I out of the situation before someone fucking tragic happened.

Bouncyball23 · 28/10/2023 23:19

You are failing your daughter by staying with this bully! How long are you going to let her be physically abused for? Because thats what it is. There will be a woman's centre that can help you leave do ut sooner rather than later.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

12 year olds 14 year olds 8 year olds Families
kittensinthekitchen · 28/10/2023 23:37

WhiteLinen784 · 28/10/2023 21:49

I have a friend in the local police and she advised me that unless my dd makes a statement they won't act upon it

So because you've been told by an uninvolved person the police won't act on, you won't act on it either?

Fucking step up and protect your children.

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 28/10/2023 23:47

Lots of people have advised you to report to the police but for some reason you appear to be very reluctant to do that so not sure what advice you are looking for….

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 28/10/2023 23:48

I have a friend in the local police and she advised me that unless my dd makes a statement they won't act upon it

I thought the law was changed years ago on domestic violence where the police could choose to prosecute even if the victim wouldn't?

And I doubt the police would do nothing about a child being hit, and 'thrown around the car', what even is that? He got hold of her or her clothes and dragged her around the car?

Why have you not called the police?

Blueeyedmale · 28/10/2023 23:57

He didn't smack her OP he hit her on the back of the head,that's very serious and a blow to the head is very serious,next time he could seriously hurt her or worse,please report it to the police even just for an incident number and please speak to women's aid,if you can't do it for you then please do it for your DD your children's safety is paramount

Beautiful3 · 29/10/2023 00:02

You should call the police and social services. Your job is to protect your children, so why won't you? Doesn't matter if your daughter refuses to make a statement, you still log it.

clpsmum · 29/10/2023 00:09

Ibravedaflood · 28/10/2023 21:48

Police now. Or you are failing your dc. All of them.

This

clpsmum · 29/10/2023 00:09

WhiteLinen784 · 28/10/2023 21:48

I've asked her will she talk to the police and she said no. I didn't witness so i cant make a statement against him.

What a cop out op

feellikeanalien · 29/10/2023 00:12

OP you need to call the police. Apart from the issue of safeguarding of your children, if your DD tells someone what happened e.g. a teacher, they will have a duty to report it and SS will not be impressed if you have failed to protect her.

Is this the first time something like this has happened?

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 29/10/2023 00:17

OP I totally understand your (and your DDs reluctance to call the police on an already (reading between the lines) abusive man, however, if you plan to leave him, it may be the only way to secure non 50/50 custody of your 2 year old.

Please call women's aid for support, they can help you leave safely.

Annahh · 29/10/2023 00:48

Your responses say you don't want to report (using the excuse your dd won't talk).

You are justifying not telling the police.

You are telling dd she's not important enough for you to take control.

You are giving him the green light to assault your kids.

Needs sorting asap.

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 29/10/2023 00:52

Say you did witness it, that's what I would I do after he got my boot up his arse after ringing police

HesterLee · 29/10/2023 01:08

Telling the OP that she should lie to the police is an extremely stupid idea.

ChocAuVin · 29/10/2023 01:11

Call the police.

LaurieStrode · 29/10/2023 01:32

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 28/10/2023 21:49

Call the fucking police! He assaulted your child. She needs to see you stand up for her!

This! FFS! What's it going to take for you to protect your children?

ErinAndTonic · 29/10/2023 01:49

If you don't report it you are as bad as him. He needs to be punished and your daughter needs to be protected and feel like she can rely on you as a parent!

I assume he's not her dad? Sounds like a really messed up relationship and like this guy has form for this?

PeachCastle · 29/10/2023 02:00

Billie-Jo Jenkins V2

penpep · 29/10/2023 02:31

You have to PROTECT YOUR KIDS!!!!

ShelleyCarpenter · 29/10/2023 03:14

Your poor daughter with a mother who won’t protect her from the violent tosser she married

Lastchancechica · 29/10/2023 03:52

Op has already decided to stay 😞
I hope she and especially dc will be okay
hopefully someone will report him to the social services.

Lastchancechica · 29/10/2023 03:53

I was that dd once. I have never forgiven either of them.

TeaGinandFags · 29/10/2023 04:48

Shraree · 28/10/2023 22:35

That's bullshit and you know if. If you don't call the police on a man physically assaulting your child then you have failed her.

Show quote history

This

Call the police and your daughter will be comfortable speaking to them. They are trained to help frightened children talk.

If she is scared to talk the immediate question is why? What else has he done to her to make her this way? THAT is why you go to them. NOW.

AutumnIsMyFriend · 29/10/2023 05:29

You are a witness to what was said and claimed in the aftermath:

report to police - and I suspect that your are not able to clean on your own may be a relevant part of this story. Is he controlling?