WTAF?

[WhiteLinen784]

Try to keep this short but I'm at a loss!

Background
4 children (3 with ex 14,12 and 8, 1 with husband 2)
Married since 2019
Joint business so work together cleaning holiday lets

Situation today
Cleaning a holiday let and as it's half term children have to come with us - (I'm not allowed to go alone that's another story!)

Nearly finished and dd 12 goes to the car to look for something for me, husband says she's taking too long and goes to see what she is doing taking ds 2 and dd 8 with him to get them in the car. Leaving me and dd 14 finishing off mopping.

Next thing, he comes storming in ds 2 in tears screaming mummy, tells me it's over my daughter is a cunt and storms off walking with the child.

I leave the HL, lock the car with lther children in and follow him up the village lane. He refuses to let me take ds 2 even though hes reaching and screaming for me.

He said dd 12 screamed which upset ds 2 and scared him so he slapped dd12 around the back of the head. He also said i have to choose between ds and dd and he is leaving with ds and it won't be like last time (we split i kept kids). I eventually got ds2 and calmed him as other people were around so saw ds distressed calling me.

Dd12 said he came to the car and he had a go at her, threw her around the car so she screamed so he hit her.

Finished came home. He hasn't said a word to me since.

I can't wait to leave but stuck as no family near and no support. He won't leave.

Ignoring the police stuff for now, what do you need to set up so you can leave him?

Can we help?

I’ve been in similarish situations, with regret, and the temptation after the moment is to minimise it and push it aside for now because it’s just TOO HARD to deal with the reality of it all.

What do you need to do right now to keep everyone safe?

The police and SS need to know regardless of wether she’s willing to chat to them. He has just assaulted a child, so red flags

@WhiteLinen784 Please contact the Police NOW and report him. But what did you mean by ' (I'm not allowed to go alone that's another story!) to clean the HL?

This sounds like a really abusive man, reading between the lines, although I may be wrong. You need to protect yourself and your children. Reporting him, will at least have the incident on file, which will give you better protection, when it comes to your Husband trying to prevent you getting custody

Is there a way you can get yourself and the children somewhere else for tonight? Your daughter shouldn’t have to go to bed in the same house as someone who has hit her, and lie there afraid and waiting for the next time.

The hint at his control over you tells me that this is an abusive relationship, and if you call the police and explain this, they will help you to be safe. Women’s Aid can also do the same. Please don’t ever accept this for yourself or your children.

If your children can’t count on their own mother to protect them who can they count on? They are experiencing physical and emotional abuse and are being exposed to your domestically abusive relationship. This is likely to have significant short and long term consequences for them that could be life changing. You need to contact the police and social services immediately. I can’t imagine your children will be able to keep all is happening to themselves so it’s only a matter of time before they tell someone what is happening and it gets reported. When that happens the police and social services will be very concerned that you’ve kept all this a secret from professionals and haven’t protected them. I appreciate this message is harsh and I’m sorry for that because it sounds much like you are a victim yourself but the children have no ability to protect themselves and no choice but to be around him so they must be prioritised.

Your daughter will do what you tell her to do. Tell her to speak to the police when they arrive. Hold her hand while she does it. If you prevaricate, then she will be desperate to know what to do to please you and appease him. You know what you have to do. You need your strength now.

I am worried about the part of your post where you say he hasn’t spoken to you since you got home. I could be wrong but I’m reading that as almost like you want an apology and then brush it under the carpet. I’m trying to understand why it matters whether he’s spoken to you or not. It shouldn’t, his hands on your daughter did the speaking and now is the time where you do the acting - show your daughter that you will not subject her to another day of this.

She's 12. What do you think comes next for her if you allow this to continue?

Your husband assaulted your daughter, but you're going to do nothing about it other than make her live with him until you've decided the time is right for you. Can your older children go live with their own father?

YOUR DD HAS BEEN ASSAULTED CALL THE POLICE

That's bullshit and you know if. If you don't call the police on a man physically assaulting your child then you have failed her.

so he slapped dd12 around the back of the head
Whatever the dubious legality of smacking a child, blows to the head aren't considered smacking so what he told you he did is assualt. The fact he told you he did this shows you he doesn't think there's anything wrong with the way he behaved. Log it with the police, log it will social services. You need to show both your DD and H that you this behaviour for what it is, completely unacceptable violence against a child. If he sees no problem with hitting your child around the back of her head where is his line? Next time it could be a lot worse and there will be a next time with a man that is capable of this level of violence.

What an absolute d$ck head!!! I think I'd be reporting him as well. He cannot stay

Your DD is TWELVE! The decision on whether to report does not rest on her shoulders!

I agree with those saying report it. You have a child together who will spend time with him alone if you separate; his inability to control his temper and assault a child is alarming.

Can you speak to the police so it’s noted and speak to social work and women's aid and get the B***d out NOW
Nobody would get to do that to my child . No abuse verbal or physical .
If you want out report this and speak to womens aid . I’m sure there is more abuse under the surface .
Your Dd will grow up to hate you if you allow this and you have to speak to her about how important it is to speak up . For you all but also for her I’m the future this teaches her it’s ok for people to treat her like this .

Once you get support then get an injunction in place .
Please please do something this is awful .

This.

Don’t ask, explain what is going to happen.

She's a minot

Report it on her behalf and tell the police your 'D'P confessed to hitting her around the head

You can still report it, her statement will form only 1 part of the investigation. Please step up for your daughter and don’t be so wet

Call and report to the police NOW.
And social services.
Keep him away from your kids. ALL of them.
Calling a little girl a cunt and smacking her up?

Are you mad?!!!

You need to report it if you are to have any hope of protecting your youngest from him. This is far too serious to let a 12 year old make a decision she has no idea of the implications of.

I think it's really easy for people on the internet to tell you to call the police not fully appreciating the amount of drama that will descend on your home, which will in itself be very stressful and traumatic on the dc.

So for that reason I'm not going to jump on the 'YOU MUST CALL THE POLICE AND IF YOU DONT YOU'RE FAILING YOUR KIDS' bandwagon.

But I think you know yourself that is is very abusive and absolutely not ok. Can you stay with your dd tonight so she feels safe? Or even go elsewhere with the dc if he refuses to leave? I don't think I could come back from this. Is there an escape plan at all?

Or maybe they appreciate the potential consequences of not reporting the assault of a child.

This

Definitely call the police, you need to show all of your children the right thing to do and that is to report this kind of behaviour to protect you all from him. Your daughter might change her mind once they’re involved.

You need this man out of your lives and the more of a paper trail of his abuse the better. Police reports, school noticing things, screenshots of threats, emotional/verbal abuse etc. don’t get complacent.