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Original poster

Help being taken to court again by controlling EH!

91 replies

ivegotthisyeah · 27/10/2023 10:44

Hello,

I did a thread about this last month but it was in 30 days only so I can't follow on from it.
The thread was that in my divorce 2 years ago the judge ordered EXH to continue to pay 1/2 the mortgage until my youngest turned 7 which is next month. He would then come off the mortgage, I would solely take it over and he would receive a small % of the equity in the house. All fine mortgage in pace with extra borrowing to pay him out however he is contesting the valuations of the house. The final order said an independent valuation I got three to take an average. He thinks the house is worth far more than it is ( because he's greedy/ controlling has to have one over on me). It's the last link to him bar to children. He has asked for a valuation for someone he uses and knows ( he has rental properties) I have said no I have three that's more than was requested.
He has been using a solicitor, I am been replying to his solicitor about the % and valuation myself.
As I rejected his latest demands for a 4th valuation on the house, I've now had a letter saying he is taking me to court for the judge to decide and they keep asking for my solicitors details. He's knows I don't have the money for this however I am determined after the divorce where he took me to court I will not be cornered into his demands.
So I guess my question is do I hold out in the hope he changes his mind?
Do I go to court representing myself
Do I give in?
He is in the process on buying a new house with his partner he will be wanting his payout, be off this mortgage to avoid stamp duty and you would hope have a clean break!!
The divorce was tough it made me ill, he's a high earner and I am not as our 3 children live with my 5/7 nights and are young so need school pick ups etc. His condescending I am richer than you so will always win attitude is draining. I'm stronger now so think fuck you take me to court but a little bit of me has anxiety over it

OP posts:
nibblessquibbles · 09/11/2023 08:13

ivegotthisyeah · 08/11/2023 20:33

Thanks @EvenBetta edited a bit better now!

I think this reads like they are going to advise him to accept the lump sum. So I'd just be super factual (some great email template above by PP) and tell them you'll transfer it on x day to xx account or to the solicitor account and that's that.

Catforaheadrest · 09/11/2023 11:31

Hi OP.

Sorry I’m a bit late to contributing. I’m a surveyor.

(A) if the firm put forward by your Ex is EMPLOYED by him in other matters, then this is a conflict of interest and I don’t see how they could reasonably tell a court that they are providing “independent” advice.

(B) as I was reading through this thread, the final email from your Ex H’s solicitor has actually welcomed you to make the move that I would also be making right now. You need to make an offer. Make an offer that you are happy to make and don’t believe would be bettered in court. Mark it “Without Prejudice Save As To Costs”. I won’t regurgitate it all here, but Google “Calderbank v Calderbank”. It’s a divorce case that established protection from costs if a party doesn’t accept an offer which they then fail to “beat” in court. I’m sure there will be templates online.

i may also be tempted to write a separate (separate. Do not put it in the same letter as the offer) inviting your exH’s sol to set out why they believe the three valuations provided do not meet whatever requirements your court order set out. And point out that you are aware that X firm (that your ExH wants a valuation by) is employed by your DH, presenting a conflict of interest, and that you will draw the court’s attention to this conflict if he produces such a valuation.

And point out that YOU will be seeking costs from your ExH.

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 14/11/2023 20:54

Catforaheadrest · 09/11/2023 11:31

Hi OP.

Sorry I’m a bit late to contributing. I’m a surveyor.

(A) if the firm put forward by your Ex is EMPLOYED by him in other matters, then this is a conflict of interest and I don’t see how they could reasonably tell a court that they are providing “independent” advice.

(B) as I was reading through this thread, the final email from your Ex H’s solicitor has actually welcomed you to make the move that I would also be making right now. You need to make an offer. Make an offer that you are happy to make and don’t believe would be bettered in court. Mark it “Without Prejudice Save As To Costs”. I won’t regurgitate it all here, but Google “Calderbank v Calderbank”. It’s a divorce case that established protection from costs if a party doesn’t accept an offer which they then fail to “beat” in court. I’m sure there will be templates online.

i may also be tempted to write a separate (separate. Do not put it in the same letter as the offer) inviting your exH’s sol to set out why they believe the three valuations provided do not meet whatever requirements your court order set out. And point out that you are aware that X firm (that your ExH wants a valuation by) is employed by your DH, presenting a conflict of interest, and that you will draw the court’s attention to this conflict if he produces such a valuation.

And point out that YOU will be seeking costs from your ExH.

Thank you for this I put that title in my last email appreciate your help

OP posts:

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Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 23/11/2023 18:30

A little update for you all!!
We have agreed a settlement amount without going to court with a fraction of an increase for me!!
No court and I didn't use a solicitor once with all his emails and letters! His bill I imagine will be eye watering
So proud of myself and you awesome lot for keeping me strong and helping me with all your wise words, THANK YOU !

OP posts:
RandomMess · 23/11/2023 18:45

🥳

Well done you, I bet that increase hasn't even covered his solicitor bill 😂

Rainbowqueeen · 23/11/2023 18:52

Well done OP! Always knew you could do this

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 23/11/2023 19:13

RandomMess · 23/11/2023 18:45

🥳

Well done you, I bet that increase hasn't even covered his solicitor bill 😂

No I doubt it very much!

OP posts:
NotLactoseFree · 23/11/2023 23:35

ivegotthisyeah · 23/11/2023 18:30

A little update for you all!!
We have agreed a settlement amount without going to court with a fraction of an increase for me!!
No court and I didn't use a solicitor once with all his emails and letters! His bill I imagine will be eye watering
So proud of myself and you awesome lot for keeping me strong and helping me with all your wise words, THANK YOU !

Yay!!!!!! Well done!!!!

MaggieFS · 23/11/2023 23:36

Amazing news. Well done and congratulations. Now; onwards.

NigellaAwesome · 24/11/2023 06:41

Brilliant! Well done

echt · 24/11/2023 08:20

Great thread. Well done you, @ivegotthisyeah

Grit, determination, a cool head and the awesome power of Mumsnet win out.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 24/11/2023 09:28

Well bloody done op. Enjoy your new life without that twat...

Weenurse · 24/11/2023 10:22

Fantastic news

TheFormidableMrsC · 25/11/2023 13:11

ivegotthisyeah · 23/11/2023 18:30

A little update for you all!!
We have agreed a settlement amount without going to court with a fraction of an increase for me!!
No court and I didn't use a solicitor once with all his emails and letters! His bill I imagine will be eye watering
So proud of myself and you awesome lot for keeping me strong and helping me with all your wise words, THANK YOU !

Really glad to read this. Well done! It's so frightening and overwhelming but my method was always be factual, don't lie, don't embellish. It stood me in good stead. So so pleased for you!

StellaLaBella · 25/11/2023 17:34

You love to see it. Early christmas pressie for you OP!

Kirstyshine · 25/11/2023 18:00

💪

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