Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Help being taken to court again by controlling EH!

91 replies

ivegotthisyeah · 27/10/2023 10:44

Hello,

I did a thread about this last month but it was in 30 days only so I can't follow on from it.
The thread was that in my divorce 2 years ago the judge ordered EXH to continue to pay 1/2 the mortgage until my youngest turned 7 which is next month. He would then come off the mortgage, I would solely take it over and he would receive a small % of the equity in the house. All fine mortgage in pace with extra borrowing to pay him out however he is contesting the valuations of the house. The final order said an independent valuation I got three to take an average. He thinks the house is worth far more than it is ( because he's greedy/ controlling has to have one over on me). It's the last link to him bar to children. He has asked for a valuation for someone he uses and knows ( he has rental properties) I have said no I have three that's more than was requested.
He has been using a solicitor, I am been replying to his solicitor about the % and valuation myself.
As I rejected his latest demands for a 4th valuation on the house, I've now had a letter saying he is taking me to court for the judge to decide and they keep asking for my solicitors details. He's knows I don't have the money for this however I am determined after the divorce where he took me to court I will not be cornered into his demands.
So I guess my question is do I hold out in the hope he changes his mind?
Do I go to court representing myself
Do I give in?
He is in the process on buying a new house with his partner he will be wanting his payout, be off this mortgage to avoid stamp duty and you would hope have a clean break!!
The divorce was tough it made me ill, he's a high earner and I am not as our 3 children live with my 5/7 nights and are young so need school pick ups etc. His condescending I am richer than you so will always win attitude is draining. I'm stronger now so think fuck you take me to court but a little bit of me has anxiety over it

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 30/10/2023 18:12

Cherish20 · 30/10/2023 05:07

It is good to hear the others have self represented and have been successful. I am struggling with the court system, delays and processes as well as failings representing myself in financial matters . Almost 24 months of lack of disclosure and the other party seems to be getting away with it. Assets abroad not declared pension details withheld, and other sources of income not disclosed and I have evidence to back these. How did anyone get round it. Am struggling to make sense of it 24months.. How did you all get through mum of 5 age 9 to 4(twins) and brought exh to UK. He wants to run me over!

I'd be asking for an enforcement and penal notice with a set time to give full disclosure. This shouldn't be allowed to drag on like this.

Piggypiggyoinkoink · 30/10/2023 18:30

Also if it does go to court I would ask for him to be contributing to the mortgage until it’s finalised as you were in a position to proceed by the original court agreed date, it’s him that has held it up.

Namerequired · 30/10/2023 18:37

Surely while he’s named on the mortgage he’s liable for it. He should have to pay your solicitor fees too. Let him stretch it out.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Family law Relationship problems
Cherish20 · 02/11/2023 01:10

Is there a form for an enforcement order and penal notice. I think I need to take this back to court . If only the court will give a hearing within timescales. Thanks

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 07/11/2023 12:10

Just an update for you all.
I ignored his request for the 4th valuation / we will go to court letter from solicitor.
I have heard nothing since and it's been over a week. The financial order says if I can't pay him out the house is to be placed on the market on the 1st dec. I can buy him out he just won't accept the valuations I have had done.
Can they force me to put it up for sale? How?
The silence is making me nervy 😖 any suggestions on my next move?
Thanks

OP posts:
NotLactoseFree · 07/11/2023 12:16

So you didn't respond to say you are self representing and will look forward to the details about the court date? Because while he's clearly batshit and the court would, I hope, laugh him out of there, if you haven't responded at all, I can see how he could use that as a reason that you can't simply pay out.

I don't think they can force you to sell the house - you can pay out according to the average of the 3 valuations you got. So I'd send him (and his solicitor) a note saying that you are in the process of releasing the funds for transfer to him on 1 December.

I would also consider paying for just a couple of hours advice because I don't know whether he has to accept your offer formally or, if you have followed the instructions in the court order, you can just go ahead and have the bank transfer the funds on 1 December.

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 07/11/2023 12:26

@NotLactoseFree yes I didn't respond to say I would self represent as the letter was kind of well our next step is court king of a mild threat to make me agree.
I have in previous replies said I am not longer engaging in anymore valuations and the funds are all in place I am am ready to go any day - so they know it's al ready to sign and send the money ( to his solicitor)

OP posts:
Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 07/11/2023 12:27

Also just to add to take him off the deeds and pay him is being done via my solicitor using for the re mortgage ( they take on extra duties if required)

OP posts:
Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 07/11/2023 13:12

Ironically just received this

Help being taken to court again by controlling EH!
OP posts:
ItWasntMyFault · 07/11/2023 13:18

I would reply to the solicitor to say that his valuer isn't independent so I am happy to go to court...

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 07/11/2023 13:22

Oh I feel so overwhelmed all that anxiety is back he's doing it to me again 😢 I'll never be free of his control he has money I don't

OP posts:
NotLactoseFree · 07/11/2023 13:23

Did the solicitor ever say why they think the three you have is not sufficient? Because that was all you were required to do.

I think you should respond and just say that as you have previously communicated, as per the court order, you have requested three valuations from the following three reputable local companies (attached) and you therefore have instructed your solicitor to release the funds accordingly on 1 December. Then point out that you do not believe a fourth valuation is necessary, and as it is not requested as part of the court order, you have not sought this.

I assume he's going to try to say that you convinced the estate agents to lower the valuation on your behalf and that therefore he should be able to select at least one of the agents. I find it hard to believe he can prove that if you've used reputable local agents. Even more so if, if I recall correctly, the fourth valuation is a buddy of his who isn't even a local expert?

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 07/11/2023 13:25

Thanks, not really a buddy more the people he uses for his rentals and buying of other properties - small town small word kind of thing. He is also a quantity surveyor by trade the ex so will have loads of connections

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 07/11/2023 13:25

My exH did this constantly. I let him have his court cases, mostly I did not attend or represented myself.
In the end he was banned from bringing any more cases as the judge said they were a complete waste of everybody's time.
You don't have to get representation or even turn up if you don't want to.

RandomMess · 07/11/2023 13:27

I have provided 3 independent valuations as per xyz

Ex twat head has suggested a 4th valuation which is not independent as it is his personal friend.

Funds are available for transfer based on the 3 independent valuations as provided, if he does not wish to accept this he will have to begin court proceedings.

RandomMess · 07/11/2023 13:28

Personal contact through business.

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 07/11/2023 13:34

Thanks @Gettingbysomehow his solicitor keep mentioning my solicitor and representation - he will know I don't have one due to lack of funds.
Can I be really taken to court and not turn up?

OP posts:
RandomNutter · 07/11/2023 13:34

TheFormidableMrsC · 27/10/2023 11:46

He's not proposing somebody independent. He's proposing somebody who's going to bump up the valuation in a cooling market.

Let him take you to court. He's going to look an absolute twat. The delay will mean the house is worth less, not more. Not as clever as he thinks is he? Just laugh and say "see you in court". Knobber.

Hang in there, op. You're nearly done with him.
And keep reading this excellent post! 😆

winniethedoo · 07/11/2023 13:41

I'm surprised his solicitor is going along with this, do they actually know you've already had three independent valuations? As others have said I'd reply to sols forwarding details of the three independent valuations you've had, and explain why you don't consider ex's valuation proposal to be independent. So you feel you've already done everything that you could reasonably be expected to do and don't propose to do anything else.

Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 07/11/2023 13:43

The house he has just purchased with his partner is ore or less the same size and plot as the house ( that me and kids live in) in question.
Ok it needs decorating however it's on the market for £15k less than what I have said this house is worth and the valuations!! I just can't understand why he can't see this isn't worth more than the valuations I've had done!
It's just sheer control - I was advised as a half way meeting point to agree to his 4th valuation on the condition it's then taken as an average of the 4 valuations- I think this would be my last movement before court ?

OP posts:
Original poster
ivegotthisyeah · 07/11/2023 13:44

Sorry and it's less than a 1/2 a mile from this house ( far too near for my liking but good for the kids)

OP posts:
EvenBetta · 07/11/2023 13:45

RandomMess · 07/11/2023 13:27

I have provided 3 independent valuations as per xyz

Ex twat head has suggested a 4th valuation which is not independent as it is his personal friend.

Funds are available for transfer based on the 3 independent valuations as provided, if he does not wish to accept this he will have to begin court proceedings.

Just reply with this. And add ‘Do not request my solicitors details again, thank you.’
Let the knuckledragger keep embarrassing himself.

Ponderingwindow · 07/11/2023 14:03

If you are taken to court and don’t show up, there will almost certainly be a default judgement in favor of the other side.

while you don’t need to act the instant he demands, there is a difference between taking your time for a measured response and putting your head in the sand. You need to take some action on this.

Personally I would send a letter to the solicitors that you have 3 valuations and do not believe the proposed 4th is actually independent.

RandomMess · 07/11/2023 14:05

No let him take you to court.

I would be tempted to get your valuations redone - quick phone call asking if they will have gone down based on recent sale values etc.

It's about control and bullying, he wants that extra money from you to punish you. Let him spend more than that on solicitor letters and court fees whilst you self-rep.

Lochroy · 07/11/2023 14:12

IANAL, but I would reply so that if it does go to court, you can't be seen as being unhelpful.

I'd address each point in turn:

  • I have replied to your letter of 27th October (see attached)
  • I have already obtained three independent valuations which meet the required needs (see attached)
  • You have failed to explain to me why your client is proposing an additional valuation which is not independent, the proposal being to use his acquaintance Mr/s xxx

Stay strong, don't be cowed. You know your stuff and you are absolutely spot on.