Oh talking about retiring at 55 and I'm having a little panic.

[Luckydog7]

Can anyone give me some advice? Im 36, husband is 48, he's just announced he wants to retire at 55. In principle I have no problem with this except that..

A. I've just come out of 4/5 years of child care (now 3 and 5) and feel like I'm just starting out on life again and retiring means slowing down.

B. Our older child has SEN and its sevear enough that he may never live independently and I'm worried about carrying the financial burden especially as oh is likely to die well before me.

C. I have basically no pension currently due to contract working etc although I do have over 10 years of ni contributions.

D. I was half dreaming of moving to a slightly larger house where I would have space for a proper office (i work from home)

E. My business is in its infancy and although I've made 10k this year working part time (term time only) I have no idea if it has capacity for a higher income long term.

On the plus side. Our mortgage will be paid off by then. We have a second mortgaged property which brings some additional income. Oh is likely being made redundant in January which should bring in enough to pay off a big chunk of our mortgage.

We obviously need to sit down and plan. I don't begrudge him retiring at all, he's worked his arse off since he was 18 and supported me starting my business and has a decent income for where we are, I don't know what to talk about as I'm so anxious.

I'm mainly concerned about my and my sons security going forward. It seems unfair he gets to retire at 55 if im forced to work into my 60s/70s to support us all too but obviously I don't know if I will have to do this currently as ds is only 5.

I don't want dd to be in the position of having to support her brother too after im gone and that means setting him up for life potentially.

If your DH stops working at 55 won't that put him in a good position to support/care for your DS with SEN?

Same for taking on the lion's share of other domestic work - which will benefit you as you'll have more time and energy to devote to your business and 'catch up' financially/your pension.

If your DH wants to retire at 55, surely he'd only actually do it if he had a pension/or other income to contribute financially?

If your house is otherwise suitable and you have a garden, the home office is a minor point as you can just put a cabin in the garden, you can get a decent insulated one from as little as £5k, so far cheaper than moving to a larger property.

I don’t really grasp your reasoning, you feel it’s acceptable to make him work longer but you yourself don’t feel you should be supporting the family? 10 grand is not sustainable.

I'm sure we'd all like to retire at 55 but whether or not you can afford for him to do so is another matter! Unless he has a very good pension pot or another income stream then your £10k a year isn't going to fund much of a lifestyle for 2 or 3 adults.

It's a conversation to be had but he needs to understand that if he retires, he will take over care of your son, while you work.

And that his pension will need to provide at least £25k a year for the rest of his life.

If what he means is that having paid of the mortgage, he wants to reduce hours or take a lower stress job, then that's more manageable. Seven years is a long way away. Maybe he's just day dreaming.

would you also want to make provision for university costs for your other child?

You need to do some cashflow modelling. I would enter into the conversation with an open mind and work through the numbers. Assuming your partner has been doing a reasonably well paid job (in order to have a large enough pension to retire early) so a compromise could be he works part time or takes on a much less stressful (and less well paid role) which will make a big difference to the overall picture vs no income at all.

I think people really need to think things through before retiring so early. I thought I had an inflation proof private pension but as I, and many of my friends, discovered it certainly didn’t go up with inflation over the last couple of years. There were weird get out clauses. Luckily we are ok as we worked beyond our retirement age.
If your retire at 55 you could live for another 40 years. You have absolutely no idea of what will be in store during those years and what you will need money for. This is particularly relevant to you and your husband as you have a son with extra needs.
If your husband doesn’t like his current job can he change to do a job that he would find rewarding even if it pays less.

You also need to talk to your husband about all the domestic stuff. If you are working and he is not it is only fair that he will be doing the majority of the domestic chores. Retirement might not seem so wonderful!

Look at the bright side though. He can take over the domestic stuff, look after and spend more time with your kids. If you’re mortgage free and have a 2nd property, seems like you’ll be ok depending on where you live.

We’re the same ages and I’d love for my other half to retire at 55. Work is killing him and I’d like him to be able to relax and spend more time doing the things he enjoys sooner rather than later.

No reason why you can’t retire at 55 also, you have 20 years to plan it if that’s what you want

I'm still doing 2 days of childcare per week currently with my youngest. My son is in school so pick him up on those two days too. I do most of the holiday care too and 90% of house work on top of my job. The plan was to up my hours once my daughter is in school next year.

I'm not saying he should work longer then me but I fear that retiring early will leave me with uncertainty about when u can retire and me retiring at 55 wont be possible. By then he will be in his late 60s and possibly no longer able to work even if he wanted to.

He has the attitude that we can make do, we have just enough to support ourselves going forward where as I'm more cautious and particularly concerned about our child.

If it was just about my comfort I wouldn't have a problem with him doing whatever as I'm happy to work to support myself and him but a disabled child is another matter.

Try not to panic.

He's just 'announced' it, but that doesn't mean it's a done deal. He might just be having an off week and it's a flippant comment made without any actual planning (certainly made without consideration of his wife and your thoughts on the matter). It's now your turn to respond to the announcement.

Does he realise retiring means becoming your son's primary carer (or does he think you'll be continuing to do that too - nope)?
And you'll probably need to start sharing those tasks now to prepare him and to allow you additional time to support the business that needs to be rock solid & established in order to support you all as he retires... oh and to enable YOUR early retirement too of course.

Hopefully I'm wrong, but for many men that conversation would stop early retirement in its tracks.

It's not at all reasonable to want to slow down/reduce or even stop working, but it's not reasonable to 'announce' decisions like this like you're a single man with no responsibilities.

You need to sit down and look at hard figures, I have retired and DH will be retiring early in about 2 years, he is 2 years younger than me, this is what we have done though our circumstances are totally different to yours.

Work out your exact outgoings over the last year and factor in inflation. Also look at pensions and any other income.

This is when a bigger age gap becomes harder in a relationship, ages and stages. My friend has retired early like me and is now a SAHD at 55 to a 7 year old but he has a decent pension and also received redundancy and inheritance money. His wife is about 10 years younger than him.

Surely your DH would become main carer for both your children, do you have any pension whatsoever and also how many years NI contributions do you have towards both your state pensions? It’s now 35 years contributions needed, child benefit is able to make up to 12 years NI contributions to whoever claims child benefit. Can he chuck a lot extra in to his pension? plus what sort of pension? defined benefits pensions or an annuity.

It is not a decision to be taken hastily, DH and I spent six months working out our expenses and talking about life post early retirement and looking at various scenarios. But we have an adult child so the decision overall was much easier.

The 10k is from less then 3 days per week term time only. I could easily double that but I'm freelance so I don't know if it is scalable. I could get a traditional office job if not or branch into something else if needed. I'm not avoiding full time work.

You sound jealous he gets to retire but he has supported you too... Have you asked him if that retirement plan includes you retiring too?

Does he have a private or occupational pension that he will be drawing on. If so how much is this going to provide per year? Even if this is the case the age for drawing is going up to 57 very soon so unless he has a specific pension related to one of a very few protected jobs then he won't be able to draw it until 57. If he's 48 now he won't be getting any state pension until he reaches a minimum of 67 possibly 68. Does he have a plan to fund the 12 perhaps 13 year gap ?

He has taken on the role of parent to small children at an age when most people have the bulk of their parenting behind them - that is a huge commitment, not to say sacrifice, and tiring as he gets older. He has every right to retire at 55 and enjoy his life, assuming he will get an occupational pension.
What would you prefer? That he keeps pushing himself and drops dead at 60? Surely, the younger he retires the more time/years he will have to spend with you?
Surely this would be discussed at the beginning of a marriage with a significant age gap.....

He has a decent pension i think will have done the full 35 years by the time he plans to retire. We have a few k per year from the rental too so yes we won't have a terrible income.

I think I'm figuring out why I'm concerned about this. My position is why not maximise our position while we can, mostly for the sake of the kids where as he feels 'thats enough now'

He will be fine until he dies, his pension and my income will be fine. When he dies it puts me in a hard position though. Big loss of income, an adult to support until I die myself...and then what about our son? We definitely don't have enough for permanent supported housing and that would deprive my daughter of any inheritance.

Its like he hasn't considered the worse case the scenario and that I will be left to deal with it.

With a 12 year age gap you weren't ever going to retire at the same time and it be fair?

Me and DH have an agreement that he can retire way before me because he'll have paid all the bills for 30+ years then it'll be my turn to support us by topping up our pensions and still working into my 60s and 70s (I'm retraining in something I'm passionate about)

I hope DH retires in his 50s as he's done a physically demanding, dangerous job and he deserves a few easy decades.

That's almost 20 years for you, plenty of time to have a career.

Also, your £10,000 a year will be only just over minimum wage come April when this increases to £11 per hour. The real living wage would be higher than what you currently earn.

I think you would need to get yourself a job rather than being self employed to give stability of a wage coming in and also giving you the opportunity to build some pension for yourself.
You mention the full 35 years in relation to pension. Do you mean state pension? The 35 years won't apply to him as he started working and paying in before 2016. It could be less or more years that he has to pay in to get full state pension. Has he gone on and checked his online tax account which will show his state pension forecast?

Your disabled child will receive benefits like any other adult who cannot work so if you have a house paid for and a second property so long as you can support yourself till you die I don’t see a problem financially.

look at it this way, he’s done 35 years on the same treadmill. You’ve had children, done p/t working, started a business….. I’m not doubting you’ve worked as hard or harder than him but you’ve had variety he’s not.
Why not have him available in 7 years time for all the after school and holiday care? You can go all in at work then with his support at home. Your children will be 12 with sen and 10 so young enough to get a lot out of the extra time with their dad.

it sounds like you can’t get away from considering him the main breadwinner. the only worry I’d have is if he thinks he’ll be swanning around while you are still default parent. That would neither be fair nor sensible.

Well, with a 10 and 12 yo he isn't really going to be retired is he, he will be a SAHP that gets paid a bit from his pension. He will have to do all pick ups and drop offs, meals, holiday childcare. Next time he brings it up just say 'yes, you being at home doing the drop offs, pick ups and school holidays will mean I can put a lot more into my business' you might find he changes his mind. He's probably thinking retirement will be holidays, sleep ins, leisurely golf days. No mate, you are still a dad of pre-teenage kids.

I don't see why he needs to fully retire though at only 55. Why not go part time at that point for a few years and retire fully at 60?

As I have said. I don't expect to retire at the same time or even the same age. I don't think either us should be considering retiring as early as 55 is all im saying. Our son is nearly 6. We have no idea how disabled he will be as an adult. My feelings is that its unlikely he will ever be capable of living on his own. Supported housing is a distant possibility if im being optimistic. Fortunately 7 years gives him plenty of time for him to grow up and oh might see how what needs he has with more clarity.

I've already suggested he take it easy/go part time for 6 months or so following the redundancy so we can enjoy time with our daughter before she starts school so I don't know if that triggered this.