Oh talking about retiring at 55 and I'm having a little panic.

[Luckydog7]

Can anyone give me some advice? Im 36, husband is 48, he's just announced he wants to retire at 55. In principle I have no problem with this except that..

A. I've just come out of 4/5 years of child care (now 3 and 5) and feel like I'm just starting out on life again and retiring means slowing down.

B. Our older child has SEN and its sevear enough that he may never live independently and I'm worried about carrying the financial burden especially as oh is likely to die well before me.

C. I have basically no pension currently due to contract working etc although I do have over 10 years of ni contributions.

D. I was half dreaming of moving to a slightly larger house where I would have space for a proper office (i work from home)

E. My business is in its infancy and although I've made 10k this year working part time (term time only) I have no idea if it has capacity for a higher income long term.

On the plus side. Our mortgage will be paid off by then. We have a second mortgaged property which brings some additional income. Oh is likely being made redundant in January which should bring in enough to pay off a big chunk of our mortgage.

We obviously need to sit down and plan. I don't begrudge him retiring at all, he's worked his arse off since he was 18 and supported me starting my business and has a decent income for where we are, I don't know what to talk about as I'm so anxious.

I'm mainly concerned about my and my sons security going forward. It seems unfair he gets to retire at 55 if im forced to work into my 60s/70s to support us all too but obviously I don't know if I will have to do this currently as ds is only 5.

I don't want dd to be in the position of having to support her brother too after im gone and that means setting him up for life potentially.

I think you need to look at this another way - sit down and work out what you need as a family to live each month - can your job and his pension bring that in?

Also there are penty of middle ways between working full time and retiring.

Finally if he takes his occupational pension early often it will be at a reduced rate.

life insurance is super important! i got it as soon as my daughter was born so that if anything happens to me she will be ok!

your husband could die tomorrow or you could - so you can't plan for everything - nobody knows what the future will bring

I think you need to talk and come to an agreement about big picture things, before you crunch numbers.

The only thing I find somewhat peculiar about what you’ve described is the mismatch between you and your DH on providing for your disabled son. One parents is thinking the child might need to be set up for life by his parents, for his sake and the sibling’s sake. The other parent is thinking he and his spouse can manage, get by, for the rest of their lives and doesn’t seem to be thinking about the DC at all.

This is a big, big difference.

I think you need to agree on goals for your children, your family and each other. I get he’s worked hard all his life and he’s tired now. We all come to that eventually! And I think you’ll be fine stepping up to be main breadwinner as it sounds like your DH will do most of the childcare etc. But, before your DH can stop he needs to fulfill his responsibilities to his dependents and especially his disabled child. He can’t make a unilateral decision.

This needs to be a conversation, which it sounds like it could very well be. Good luck. Not easy navigating all this stuff.

Also don't forget about potentially needing to fund / support DD through university......if she's not started school yet then you've got another 13-14 years until you might need to do that but that would mean you're also funding that from your salary.

Do you not think that describing your property portfolio and huge resources is a bit much? I think that hearing how you can easily afford to buy properties for your children with special needs is not helpful or kind to the OP or anyone with money concerns.

"Great idea darling, you will be able to do all the domestic management, school pick ups and drop offs, appts and therapies for ds etc. It will be wonderful to come to home cooked meal every day and see all the washing and shopping done. I look forward to it. "

Just make clear he will not be "retiring" to life of leisure and rounds of golf !

I'd put announcing you'd like to retire in the same category as announcing you'd like an expensive holiday home in France. Day dream talk. I wouldn't get too worried that it's going to be a reality.

Put the burden on your husband to do the figures and see how it would all work (or not work).

Could you compromise and both work part time instead? Sharing the childcare 50/50. Also you will need another 20 years if you want to take the full government pension, I think?

You must get life insurance asap. You have children, you need life insurance surely? Are you sure you don't have it, I had to take it as a condition of my mortgage.

OH has it but it might be part of his work package so would need to source externally.

@DiscoBeat
I think that is his plan once he is redundant is to go part time via contracting so chunks of work between long boughts of time off.

It was always my intention to pick up more hours once youngest is in school, i always worked full time until (literally) 3 days before eldest was born. I then picked up various little jobs, or helped oh with his online stuff by running errands during the day. It was a joint decision to slowly increase childcare rather then jumping to full time which we have done and its been wonderful for the children but now i feel like im being rapidly pushed into the breadwinner role (i mean i suppose 7 years is a lot of notice) and it feels quite abrupt.

I feel for him really, hes never had more then a week or two off for decades. He also has a lot of ill health in the family and i wonder if he wants to retire at 55 because he is conscious of so many of his family dying or getting very ill in their 60s and early 70s

Agree to book an appointment with a financial consultant that specialises in pensions and retirement before any decisions are made. They can model accurately how much you will need assuming worst case scenario - which is always the safest route. It’s hard to have this level of expertise and experience so I wouldn’t recommend you do it yourself.

I guarantee you won’t have anywhere near enough money, most people massively underestimate how much is needed. You could live to 95!

I would also feel disappointed in my dh if he chose to retire early with a severely disabled child; as I would want to leave behind a generous provision for his care when we died. So this feels off to me, an extra five years of employment could make such a difference.

Maybe there is a compromise? Both of you work part time, and each taking care of your son equally. I wouldn’t be prepared to carry the whole family for decades financially to facilitate his leisure, no. That would be out of the question.
It also costs a lot of money to fill the empty days/ years as all purpose evaporates with retirement and it doesn’t suit everyone.

I can’t understand why some posters are being snarky either, @MyBlueDiary . As @Ponderingwindow says Surely one or both spouses retiring is a joint decision, not an edict.

Obviously the op doesn’t want her DH to work himself into an early grave, but this decision needs to be carefully planned-personally, I think that retiring at 55 with a 10 and 12-year-old to support is abit foolish, 60 might be more realistic. If he could do contracting for those years, OP, that might be a good compromise.

My DH (nearly 51) announced last year that he’d like to retire in his 50’s. Fair enough, we’ve been talking it through and have realized that DS (15) needs to get through university first as it’s v. expensive here in the US. So it’s going to be late 50’s at the earliest. I (49) have no intention of retiring then, in fact I’m mulling over a career change as I’m currently freelance like the OP and want to move into a more secure job before my DH retires.

Keep talking it through to find the best compromise, OP. And definitely get some solid life insurance as others have advised.

Could he take a sabbatical? Try out not working for 3 months and see how it goes? Just a thought.

I’d ask him to help square up the pension contributions so that you had the same as him at point of your retirement (55 also)

Unless he has a huge pension/inheritance due at 55 it's too early to retire - in seven years time your DC will only be 10 & 12.

It doesn't matter that he's been working hard since the age of 18 - lots of people work hard for much longer. I can understand him being a bit jaded but he has young children to think about.

He has the attitude that we can make do

He needs to think this through!

Suggest doing some maths together. It’s probable that, as you say, your household can’t afford for your H to retire at 55. Few people can.

It sounds like his plan could even be to ‘wind down’ from age 48? Redunancy, temping etc. That’s not a good plan IMO with a DC you’ll need to financially support for a very long time.

If your current field of work pays badly, you might be better off moving fields into something better paid. And coming up with a plan for provision for you and the DC you and DH need to provide for when you’re 65+

Also agree that having worked hard for 35 years is just ‘standard’ and isn’t a significant factor relative to many others, eg your household’s financial security, provision for your DC.

It needs to be a discussion between you. I have a similar issue with H. He's keen to retire and until recently thought that I'd be happy to work full time and fully support the household. I've had to make it clear that isn't happening and he needs to bring in half the bills - of course once the mortgage has gone that will be much easier to manage with part time work/ pension etc.

Before anyone jumps on me, he's never supported me, I've always worked full time (as well as doing much more than 50% of childcare and household chores). And have been the bigger earner for the majority of our marriage.

I personally think he needs a reality check.

If he retires then he will need to pick up all the childcare, school collections etc, leaving you free to work a normal job, which will pay much more than your home business.

I still don't think anyone should retire early unless they have amassed considerable wealth and a solid private pension though.

@TheYearOfSmallThings What worries me is that many people live into their 80’s and 90’s now so someone retiring in their 50’s could run out of money. I can’t imagine what the COL will be like in 40 years!

yes, and covering parenting and domestic work won’t pay the bills!

Unless you are sick or very wealthy I don't really understand early retirement. I would much rather still build up money while I am fit and able to work to have a comfortable older age.

I think now is the time for you to look at retraining so that you can work in a job that brings in more money. Your self-employment has been useful, but it just doesn't bring in the amount that you need when you think of pension and holiday provision etc.