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Original poster

Anyone up? Just been dumped over text

75 replies

SusanSHelit · 25/10/2023 00:36

Just as the title says really.

Left an abusive relationship a couple of years ago and spent a year happily single.
Have a gorgeous 10yo boy from said relationship. Still in contact with his dad as custody is 50/50 and ds and ex have a good relationship.

Que January this year, get back in touch with old friend from college who I hadn't seen for years. Is (or I thought was?) a good man. Started dating early Jan. Everything going great. Introduce him to ds after 7 months.

He moved cities recently to be closer to work. We both work full time with some mad hours but thought things were going well. Had both said, and meant 'I love you'

We had been keeping in touch most days via WhatsApp, neither of us are phonecall people.

He'd been quiet last couple of days and not been replying. We were supposed to be meeting up on Thursday.

I asked if everything was OK and he's replied honestly no and everything has come out.

I'm heartbroken and feel so stupid

OP posts:
Azandme · 25/10/2023 00:38

I'm sorry to hear that.

StJulian2023 · 25/10/2023 00:40

💐💐💐

MinnieL · 25/10/2023 00:41

That’s pretty shit. It would have been better for him to arrange a time where he could have seen you face to face (or called you at the very least) to explain. Rubbish of him to not reply to message and act off with you.

Has if come as a complete surprise? Has he mentioned any of the reasons previously as an indication that something was bothering him? Not sure what else to say other than I’m sorry:(

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Relationship problems
MissHavershamReturns · 25/10/2023 00:41

Op I’m so sorry to hear this. This horrible upsetting feeling will pass. Did he give a reason for why it wasn’t working for him?

mummabubs · 25/10/2023 00:42

Really sorry to hear that OP, doing it by text wasn't ideal of him.

If it helps you get to sleep tonight I find my best bet is to plug in headphones and listen to a series I've seen loads on Netflix (ie something I know really well so it's more like background noise). That usually distracts my brain enough to send me off to sleep.

DixonD · 25/10/2023 00:42

Why would you feel stupid? You’ve not anything wrong. Neither has he, really. If he’s not feeling it then that’s fine. He could have spoken to you properly though, instead of over messages.

I hope you feel a bit better soon. Heartbreak is hard.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 25/10/2023 00:42

Sorry OP. That's a shit thing to happen, and text is rubbish.

Abhannmor · 25/10/2023 00:43

That's rotten @SusanSHelit . But you need some hot chocolate and a night's sleep and think it through tomorrow. 💐

CallieQ · 25/10/2023 00:44

Sorry to hear this... did he give any reason

Original poster
SusanSHelit · 25/10/2023 00:45

I'm actually in work atm on a night shift so will have to wait until my break to have a good cry.

He said he's just not in the right place to be dating right now but I think work stress, new distance and a recent health scare haven't helped.

I feel stupid because I introduced my ds to him and ds adores him

OP posts:
morbidd · 25/10/2023 00:51

Take him at his word and don't suspect and agonise if there is another reason.

It's just not worth it.

Head up and move forward.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 25/10/2023 00:58

Your DS can't possibly 'adore' him after knowing him for 2 months. It's a shame he's done this but better now than later for your DS. I'm so sorry for you - being broken up with is totally horrible, but don't feel bad about your DS, he will be just fine. And if he's not fine for a bit then he's not robust enough to meet a new partner after 6 months and you may need to wait longer next time (though next time he'll be older and have more experience to draw on)

BenE3looking · 25/10/2023 01:02

Screw hot chocolate and bed - get yourself on tinder so you'll have someone to do on your break. Or rather - do you 😉

Aquamarine1029 · 25/10/2023 01:06

He moved cities recently to be closer to work.

Had he lived in the same town you live in?

Original poster
SusanSHelit · 25/10/2023 01:09

Yeah he lived a 20 minute walk from my house in Liverpool, but works in media city in Salford and neither of us drive

OP posts:
Original poster
SusanSHelit · 25/10/2023 01:11

We're still meeting on Thursday to talk face to face and he needs to return my key

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 25/10/2023 01:18

Unfortunately, I think him moving further away should have been your first clue that he wasn't as invested as you were.

He said he's just not in the right place to be dating right now

Sorry, op, but that's the oldest line in the book, right next to "it's me, not you."

Be sad for a bit, and then be glad he didn't waste more of your time. Have him mail the key. There is absolutely zero point in meeting with him.

Drdoomish · 25/10/2023 01:26

That's rubbish.

Being dumped by text happened to me last year after a year of being together.

Since then, time has allowed me to see he is a weak man, who struggles with putting healthy boundaries in place. His childish dumping by text and refusing to meet up to discuss was the final act showing me how he can't do difficult conversations.

I hope that time will be kind to you too. For now, I'm sending you many hugs and wishing much friendship and chocolate your way over the next few weeks. 💐

Someoneonlyyouknow · 25/10/2023 01:40

Oh don't feel stupid. You were cautious about introducing him to your son. Things have obviously changed with him moving further away and having a health scare but not seeing you face to face seems cowardly. Big hugs

Celibacyinthesticks · 25/10/2023 01:52

Personally I wouldn’t meet up with him, why would you want to listen to the reasons someone doesn’t want to be with you? Take back control, text him to say no need to rake over the ashes, just post me the key back.

CharlieRight · 25/10/2023 02:26

I guess he was planning to do this when you met up on Thursday, hence less responsive to messages. But when pressed, rather than keep up the pretense, he gave you the truth by text.
I think he was trying to play it pretty straight.

I hope you feel better soon

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/10/2023 02:34

Media City is the new Broadcasting House. I have an old friend who was there and she said that if anyone there wasnt having an affair its because they had no genitals. Then she joined the Met and apparently thats worse!

ACGTHelix · 25/10/2023 02:37

Seems like he's got another option so to speak

bluebell34567 · 25/10/2023 02:48

what is his relationship history?

BenE3looking · 25/10/2023 03:04

Susie my darling - this is a shit time for you. Not helped by some of the comments about Media City btw (PyongyangKipperbang are you high?!)

However, you must must must remember that you are number 1. If he couldn't see that, then at least he's just saved you the hassle of having to dump him further down the line.

As a wise man called Paul O'Grady once said to me: This too shall pass

lots of love