Anyone up? Just been dumped over text

[SusanSHelit]

Just as the title says really.

Left an abusive relationship a couple of years ago and spent a year happily single.
Have a gorgeous 10yo boy from said relationship. Still in contact with his dad as custody is 50/50 and ds and ex have a good relationship.

Que January this year, get back in touch with old friend from college who I hadn't seen for years. Is (or I thought was?) a good man. Started dating early Jan. Everything going great. Introduce him to ds after 7 months.

He moved cities recently to be closer to work. We both work full time with some mad hours but thought things were going well. Had both said, and meant 'I love you'

We had been keeping in touch most days via WhatsApp, neither of us are phonecall people.

He'd been quiet last couple of days and not been replying. We were supposed to be meeting up on Thursday.

I asked if everything was OK and he's replied honestly no and everything has come out.

I'm heartbroken and feel so stupid

Don't meet him. Just tell him to post his key back asap. Be strong. He doesn't deserve you. I'm sorry he has turned out to be like this.

Exactly this. Ask him to post the keys. There's no point sitting there listening to him justifying why he is ending this relationship over and over again, it's just torture and such a waste of time. Like others have suggested, take back control.

Yes he should post the key back.

Take some time to grieve but don’t feel silly. There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself out there and you can’t control what someone else does. Tell DS he has moved away then distract him if he asks.

Sorry this has happened

He's said all the classic it's not you it's me, can we still be friends etc

I just feel betrayed

Awww, I'm really sorry to hear that. On the positive side, at least he didn't ghost you, leaving you confused and worried about if anything terrible had happened to him.

I'm not sure if meeting him will make you feel any better (especially if you become suspicious that there's someone else).

Agree with PPs, wouldn’t meet up with him and wouldn’t continue contact. You hadn’t been in touch for a long time before dating, the way he’s treated you at the end has been unkind, and it doesn’t now benefit you to try be friends.

If overall it was a good relationship there’s good in that, including after your past, abusive relationship.

Think the writing was on the wall when he chose to move to Salford, especially since neither of you drive.

We had been friends for years. I knew him in college, we're early 30s now

I thought (think?) he is a good man.

I just didn't see this coming at all

That's really horrible. I'm so sorry. Personally I wouldn't want to see him and would ask him to send the key back by post. And tell him no, you can't still be friends. Why would you want to be friends with him?

I'm sorry. It must have been a shock. I wouldn't meet with him in person. It's just prolonging the upset. He can post or leave anything you need with someone else. The meeting was probably suggested to ease his guilt.

💐💐💐💐

He's not such a good man, sadly. Take your key and walk away with your head high.

Don’t meet up with him, get him to post your key special delivery.

Once you receive your key, block him on all platforms.

Or just change the locks and block him now.

I know a couple of guys who suddenly dumped their partners after some big changes in their lives, but all this means is that they don’t cope well with issues and aren’t fit to be in long-term supportive relationships. And that’s IF he’s telling you the truth.

‘January this year, get back in touch with old friend from college who I hadn't seen for years’

Sounds like you had limited contact for many years. Relationship with him was short. Now best to end contact IMO.

I'm sorry, sending you a big hug. It's horrible when you feel blindsided.

He's completely within his rights to end things for whatever reason he chooses to, however doing it via a message is a bit shit. It sounds like he was planning to tell you on Thursday but it's all just come out. Still a bit crap of him though.

I wouldn't meet up with him and there's no point trying to still be friends, it's what people often say but it rarely works in reality. A clean break will be better. I'd ask him to post your key back and tell him there's no point meeting up to go over everything, you've got the message.

Seems like it’s a hassle now he has moved away - some people just don’t want to do long distance relationships

What is meant for you in this life won’t pass you by

I agree with this!

You wanted to share your life with him. He doesn't want to.

So why give up your Thursday night to him?

My advice: send a happy/breezy text asking him to please post your key back. Say something like you have a date with a friend to go to the cinema Thursday night instead. Wish him well and send him on his way.

Cry in private.

I am sorry you are going through this, but as a pp said this too shall pass. The right guy for you is out there somewhere, but it's not him.

There's no point sitting there listening to him justifying why he is ending this relationship over and over again,

Exactly. He's dumped you. What more is there to say?

You'll give him a swollen head, if you sit there listening to all his reasons/excuses why he doesn't want to be in your life anymore. It's insulting to you.

Never show extreme interest in a man who doesn't want to see you anymore.

Hold your head up high and know you are worth more than this.

Another vote for not going on thursday, and cutting off contact with him.

He's a coward to do it the way he has, but he's said his piece, you have shed tears, don't put yourself through the extra torment.

He probably wants to remain friends so that when and if it suits him he can use you again and mess with your feelings again.

He's not the nice guy you thought, cest la vie, there are nice guys out there - cut him out of your life and move on, don't demean yourself meeting up on thursday, you are worth more than that.

Good luck OP

Heartache and rejection are the worst and make you question yourself and knocks your confidence. What you have to remember though is that you ARE right for someone and someone will be right for you! That person won't reject you. He's just not the right one, thats all. Maybe it was working for you, but not for him, and that's just the way the cookie crumbles unfortunately.
Look at it this way - whilst you were with this person, you weren't open/available to meeting the right one - now you are.
I tried way too hard when I found myself single. It only happened for me when I truly stopped trying. (Whilst shopping in a supermarket 😂 now married and together 13 yrs)
It will hurt for a while, but my best advice (from my own experience) would be to rip the plaster off quick. No texting back and forth - prolonging the agony. The quicker you lose contact, the quicker your heart will mend and this man will move out of your thoughts.
Life goes on, you'll laugh again and meet someone new, and when you do you'll look back and be glad things worked out the way they did, honestly!🥰

I would advise against meeting him. Put yourself in the control position and keep your dignity intact. It's your last bit of empowerment so make the most of it. Don't go along in sad puppy mode opening yourself up to what you know is more of the rejection chat.
Message and say you accept his decision and could he please post your keys via Special Delivery. Meeting him will prolong the hurt, make you feel 💩 and no amount of talking will change things (and who wants to be with a man they have to 'talk around' anyway, not you!) You'll feel empowered by taking control of the situation rather than a sitting duck.

Sorry you got dumped and yes you'll get annoyed.

But this man has done nothing wrong. Shit happens

So sorry OP, it's a horrible feeling. I wouldn't meet up with him. Anytime I've done that it's just made me feel crappy. Wallow for a few days but please don't dwell too long. He wasn't for you and that's ok. He's not the only man.

I know it likely hurts a lot right now, but it doesn't sound like he's done a lot wrong.

He's decided that the relationship wasn't working, and so rather than mess you around and string you along, he's decided to end it. As the Mumsnet saying goes "You can end a relationship for any reason, or even no reason at all"

It doesn't even sound like he was planning on doing it by text, the plan was likely to talk to you on Thursday, but you worked out something was wrong.

Given that you've been friends for years, you can probably salvage a friendship out of this (if you want to of course). But to do so will mean accepting that he hasn't "betrayed" you, all he's done is respectively ended a relationship that wasn't working.

Sorry but agreed.

I've had the not in a right frame of mind for dating and he'd actually met someone else.

It really annoys me when posters jump onto threads like these and their first offering is to defend the man for doing nothing wrong. How utterly tone deaf to the person who has just been broken up with. How is it helpful to hear that?! What’s more, ending a relationship via text message IS wrong. But that’s kinda secondary here. And @PyongyangKipperbang words fail me. What an unpleasant post.

So of course he’s entitled to end the relationship. That obviously doesn’t make you feel any better but you have the golden opportunity to meet a better match, made easier by the fact you now have distance between you.

Op I hope you managed to get some sleep. This must have been horrible and you’ve had some great advice already. I agree with other posters saying not to meet him in person. He’s taken enough of your time and you don’t need kicking whilst you’re down. I don’t think you’d have a constructive conversation and posting your key back is less painful. Basically what @CandyCane75 said.

Look after you now. Time to spoil yourself