Please tell me how great it is to have just one child

[Kojaki]

I have one and 80% sure we'll stop there.

There's a small part of me though that would like another but then I mentally list all the reasons why it's a bad idea (finances, mental health, even saggier belly).

I suppose I worry I'll regret it later but the thought of doing it all again is a lot.

Can the one child parents out there tell me why it's a great decision if its worked for you?

“According to data compiled in the 21st century, however, these notions are nonsense and only children show no serious deficits. Toni Falbo, a psychologist at The University of Texas at Austin, and an only child, opposes the idea you need brothers and sisters to grow into a decent person. In her 1986 survey, for which she examined more than 200 studies on the subject, she concluded the characteristics of children with and without siblings do not differ. The only difference, she found, was that only children seemed to have stronger bonds with their parents compared with children who had siblings.” https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-only-child-syndrome-real/

If you only have one, you have a lesser chance of having grandchildren as you are relying on your only one.

Not a good reason to have a child you don’t want, and what pressure would that put on your second child to reproduce if that is the only reason you had them. You shouldn’t be relying on your children to give you grandchildren, you should be supporting their reproductive choices and accepting that how ever many children you have there may not be grandchildren in your life.

@girlfriend44 a friend of mine has 2 siblings, now in their 50s, none of them have children. I bet their parents never thought they wouldn’t have any grandchildren after having three children

I'm an only.

It was knowing first hand what this is like, that made me have 3DC.

I didn't yearn for a sibling growing up because my cousins were literally next door. But as a teen/young adult, and even more so now, well into my adulthood, I'm very aware it's "just me" and I would love to have a sibling. There's no guarantee we'd get on, sure, but for every 1 person I know who doesn't get on with their sibling, there's 20 that do. It actually makes me really sad that I'll never have that.

Yes I know there are exceptions and I know someone who had 4 grandchildren from one child.

Listening to my family and friends trying to find ways to take all their children to all their appointments, schools, hobbies and parties whilst juggling jobs, expensive childcare fees and no support ... I love having 1 child. Its still not easy but I love it. Plenty of people manage with multiple children and have no regrets, same for single child families.

Seems the children you know are one dimensional stereotypes. Weird bubble.

But even that is not the reason why I wish she had siblings growing up. I watched my daughter cry her eyes out, depressed, shut in her room, cutting herself, do all sorts of stupid things to navigate friendships, puberty and trying to fit in all on her own. She struggled so much and I believe the reason why she struggled so much was due to not having any siblings to either watch and learn from them and go through things together.

The thing is, having siblings doesn't really change that. I grew up in a group of adolescents who self-harmed, it was common in our friendship group. I was the only only child in the whole group who did this... Some had 2 or 3 siblings and they were the same as me. Maybe some kids need one but it's no guarantee.

I know one with a sibling who recently killed herself, then her sibling did too.

OP, personally, I loved being an only. Can't imagine having had siblings. My child is an only, too, I'd be happy to have my tubes tied tomorrow, been there done that etc. More time, more money, less stress.

@scottishmam75 so none of those characteristics ever appear in children who have siblings

Why did you have 4 then?

if you only have one, you have a lesser chance of having grandchildren as you are relying on your only one.

Fine by me, I don't need grandchildren! Couldn't care less.

When I'm retired, I want to be exploring Europe in a light plane, not looking after babies !

I've got an only and it's bliss. She fits round our busy schedules, and she's a delight.
My DH and I like our own space and hobbies. Multiple kids would just sap our time and energy even more.
It suits us, and our lifestyle, perfectly.

I don't have an only child but ... The second child is so much easier than the first.

Quality time together,loads of friends from different activity groups we can afford for her to do, hoildays and activities, time to talk and listen to one another.feel we know when something is amiss,wants for nothing,we have time to think things through as parents,do a lot as a family,cooking,house hold chores shared.

I'm an only and my mum has five grandchildren.

I know two other only children of my generation and each have three children.

I think only children in the 80s and 90s grew up with a stigma attached to then, whereas now the stigma is attached to those with more than the requisite two children...I'll never fit in with the family type du jour no matter how I try 🤣

Don't overthink it too much, have another before it's too late.

^this

We have an only. We felt we were too old to have another but, also, one felt right. I’m one of 2 siblings but my much older brother passed away 5 years ago. My DH is one of 4, all very close in age. Both the DH and myself have had to deal with elderly parents nearing the end of life. Because my bro pre deceased our parents, there was quite a lot of responsibility down to me. On by the whole this has been less difficult than all the disagreements between DH’s siblings.

As regards the DC - it’s the joy of one about 90 +% of the time

I have two siblings and I haven't spoken to my brother for about a year. When my mum was ill I had no support from them and minimal when she actually died.

Holy sweeping generalisations Batman!

I work in a school and couldn't tell you who was an only/multi child household based on personality alone.

It's easy to pick out negative traits and attribute them to being an only child. I could say all of the above things you mentioned about oldest children, or youngest. It's about personality, not birth order.

whatever anyone says to you it completely depends on the child. Some people hate being an only child. My DD’s only wish for her birthday is to have a day with Dh and I and not her siblings. You’ll feel guilt whatever you do so choose what you want

Able to form a very close relationship with 1. Ds grew up very sociable and confident with both children and adults. We had time, energy and resources to focus 100% on our son facilitating his interests. I think with one you can create more opportunities for activities and fun.

It's easier to follow their interests if there is just one

Another only child here. Don't recommend it, always hated it, especially now I'm older and my elderly parents need more of my attention and care. It's a lot of worry and responsibility, having siblings would have helped.