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Original poster

Please tell me how great it is to have just one child

106 replies

Kojaki · 24/10/2023 22:22

I have one and 80% sure we'll stop there.

There's a small part of me though that would like another but then I mentally list all the reasons why it's a bad idea (finances, mental health, even saggier belly).

I suppose I worry I'll regret it later but the thought of doing it all again is a lot.

Can the one child parents out there tell me why it's a great decision if its worked for you?

OP posts:
Pezdeoro41 · 25/10/2023 12:20

TheSnootiestFox · 24/10/2023 22:26

I can tell you that as an only child dealing with an elderly mother with dementia on their own it's bloody horrific, sorry if that's not what you want to hear. I just wish I could magic up a sibling or two to help make decisions or do the shopping one day when I'm really too busy. I've hated being an only child full stop actually.

That’s terrible, so sorry to hear that. However on the other side - I’m also currently dealing with similar - siblings are not always in agreement at times like these, which has had quite devastating effect on our family. If you have siblings you get on well with that’s wonderful, but it doesn’t always go that way. Equally they are not necessarily around or willing to help out, and that way resentment and feuds can lie, as well not actually easing the burden.

CloudyAgain · 25/10/2023 14:02

henrysugar12 · 24/10/2023 22:28

Only child here with only one child.

Quality time and being able to afford nice things like holidays and experiences.

I have lots of cousins and they also have kids the same age as mine, so have the benefit of kids that can be close to with but don't have to worry about the sibling squabbling.

was going to say similar. I have 2 and DSis has 1. We have similar household incomes but they have much more disposable income and certainly a great deal more money to do the 'fun stuff'!

I am sometimes a little envious, but we chose to have a second so I give myself a shake!

MinnieMountain · 25/10/2023 14:55

The way my father is going, none of his 3 children will want to look after him if he gets dementia. Having more than 1 child is no guarantee.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
ShitChicken · 25/10/2023 15:06

Dogsandchocolaterule · 24/10/2023 23:10

For me:

More time
More patience
A calm house
No arguing or fighting ever
More money as a family
Less washing
Less cooking
Less mental load in general
Can take him the clubs and extra curricular he wants without trying to schedule 2 children
Easier for people to babysit
Lovely connection and one on one time
Better for my mental health
More room in our house
When DH takes him on a bike ride I can relax, when I take him out DH can play golf it just works so nicely.

It's bloody great. Me and my husband also have siblings that make everything harder so our DS also won't have that when he is older.

He will also inherit everything and not have to deal with dishing it out to siblings that dont give a crap like ours.

It's great 👍🏻

All of this.

He's an only (not by choice) with no direct cousins. He's fine. We can come home to a calm house and he can go off and chill.

He's generous and unfailing kind, an excellent sharer (because he's never had to resource guard from siblings) and happy both with his own company and with others.

ShitChicken · 25/10/2023 15:10

TheSnootiestFox · 24/10/2023 22:26

I can tell you that as an only child dealing with an elderly mother with dementia on their own it's bloody horrific, sorry if that's not what you want to hear. I just wish I could magic up a sibling or two to help make decisions or do the shopping one day when I'm really too busy. I've hated being an only child full stop actually.

I'm so sorry you're going through that. It's incredibly hard.

My MIL had four children. One died before her, one (DH) moved to a different country, one is an alcoholic and caused more problems that solutions. Her only daughter ended up doing the bulk of the care until she went into a residential facility. Having siblings is no guarantee of a shared load.

🩷💐 to you, I hope it gets easier.

nopenotplaying · 25/10/2023 15:14

I have 5 with big gaps between to them all. Each one was the 'last'. It's wonderful c

user1471556818 · 25/10/2023 15:18

I always regretted only having 1 child.Mix of reasons why that was the case however ds was very close in age and location to his cousins growing up .He did well Christmas and birthday times but wasn't a greedy child and was very into 2nd hand stuff from a young age and still will bounce into the house saying £5 for the outfit 😀.
He feels he has benefitted from being an only child as has been gifted money towards his house as has his dw who is also an only child .
Also feels he had all our attention and a really nice upbringing.

Boska23 · 25/10/2023 15:22

DD is an only. We wanted more initially but it took us long time (and many MCs) to conceive her so we decided not to try again. She is still young (4) but not asking for siblings, she's happy, kind, bright and easy to spend time with. She gets our undivided attention. We have resources to provide her with opportunities she wouldn't have if those were shared between siblings (or at least not to the extent she has now). She is very sociable, her pre-school praises her kindness and willingness to share with other children, she's a confident communicator with both children and adults and we absolutely love spending time with her one on one or as a family. For us, our family is complete. Both DH and I have a sibling each - neither involved or showing particular interest in our aging and ailing parents. DH and I have a plan in place for when we're of that age that will allow DD to be in touch only if and when she wants to - not because we need her to take care of us.

Beezknees · 25/10/2023 15:26

lollipoprainbow · 25/10/2023 10:51

The ones who tell you how great having an only child are those who have children with 'loads of friends' or cousins etc. My dd has neither and is incredibly lonely, I wish things could have been different.

Again, wrong. I didn't have loads of friends or cousins and I was fine.

Bambooshoot · 25/10/2023 15:32

I swore I would either have one or three children, because as the younger of two, I was relentlessly bullied by my older brother and it affected my whole character and outlook on life, it was awful. I would never wish to put another person through that.

I have one son, and I do feel bad when he tells me he wishes he had a brother or a sister - then I remind myself of how it was for me and think, well, at least I didn’t do that to him. Siblings are not necessarily the answer for a happy childhood!!

JadeSeahorse · 25/10/2023 15:41

Due to a pretty awful upbringing where I was completely sidelined in favour of two half siblings, I knew I would only ever want one dc.

After 15 years of marriage and several years of infertility treatment, we finally had our dd who unfortunately later suffered a devastating condition which left her with severe learning difficulties.

However, she is nearly 30 now, has a beautiful apartment in a wonderful managed centre for young people with sld very close to home and we see her 4/5 times per week - or whenever she can fit us into her hectic social life 😂 - and knows that she is the centre of our universe and very dearly loved. We could never have donated the time, energy and money to dd had we had another dc to consider.

if anyone was born to be an “Only” it is definitely our dd who revels in her status. 😂

Pezdeoro41 · 25/10/2023 16:03

My son is an only child and I make a real effort for him to spend lots of time with his cousin, who is also an only child.

Sometimes I think it would be nice for him to have a sibling, but me being single and getting on a bit means it just won’t happen. I think really, you never know how things will go anyway whether you have an only child or multiple.

TakeMe2Insanity · 25/10/2023 16:05

I was an only child with an only parent.

The times when my mum was in hospital were the loneliest and the pressure was immense. It was always so intense. Then when she died it was awful but in a way easier as no one to question what I was doing/not doing. Dealing with the will is bizarrely straightforward as it just went to me.

CandyCane75 · 25/10/2023 16:11

I'm an only child myself.
Made me much more social as I always wanted to make friends on holidays etc as I had no siblings to hang out with!
I had more 🎁 at Christmas!!
Never bothered me being an only child at all. I had lots of friends growing up and was never lonely.
The only downside is when parents pass away you have no siblings to share memories with or lean on each other for support.

HarrietStyles · 25/10/2023 16:14

I have 4 children and I wouldn’t change them for the world…………. but I do often look at my friends/family who only have one child and dream about what it would be like. They just look so calm and contented a lot of the time, have strong marriages, go on more holidays. I know grass isn’t always greener and people’s lives aren’t always what you think looking from the outside ….. but I’m often envious of people with one child, looks lovely! X

PurpleBugz · 25/10/2023 19:52

I think if you are 80% sure that's your answer.

I have a high need SEND child who has changed my whole life and his needs dominate everything. I feel bad for his siblings. I always think if you don't think you can manage a high needs kid then don't have a kid because you can't choose what you get. I love my boy now I have him and will do everything he needs always. But a big part of me would have been happier not doing this to my eldest and actually being able to enjoy life with her.

OlafLovesOlives · 25/10/2023 20:26

I always thought I would have two but when my DD was born I just looked at her & thought you're it for me. That love was so overwhelming. I thought she was enough for us, as in I stopped thinking of having two she completed our family. Our life has been great, we really enjoy ourselves. We've never experienced the exhaustion, stress, chaos that comes with having more kids. It helps that she's a fab child! We are able to give her our attention and time fully when she needs it.

DH and I have a great relationship as well and it's became stronger. We have plenty of time with and for each other and also able to do our own things whenever we want to and not get resentful of hobbies or mini breaks the other does.

We made sure not to spoil or over indulge her, I didn't want her to grow up to be a selfish, entitled princess! She's a preteen now so I think we did an amazing job of that.

DD never asked for a sibling, in fact over the years after staying at extended family's or playdates she has said she's happy it's just her! I'm not that close to my siblings (I was adopted) & my husband & his brother hate each other, always have so I don't think we have deprived DD of a sibling bond.

We have made provisions for when we pass away or get ill, she never has to take care of us.

EwwSprouts · 25/10/2023 20:35

DS is an only and now at university. He's never expressed a desire for a sibling. He has cousins and we made sure he did team sports. Mates came for sleepovers etc. When an older teen we took one of his friends on a couple of holidays with us. Compared to some of his mates we talk more.

His best mate and best mate's brother barely tolerate each other. He has quite a few friends with blended families and that's not always a bed of roses either. I guess we all muddle along doing the best we can. I wouldn't change what we have. I very much took the view that one healthy child was great luck and I wasn't going to push it (had a lot of monitoring during pregnancy).

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/10/2023 20:40

I have a brother, who was violent growing up and by turns useless and horrible as an adult.

I have an only, who is very glad to be one.

BurbleBumleBleep · 25/10/2023 20:49

No logistics. One to sort, job done.
Sleepovers are easy both ways. They go and you have a night off, kids to you and it’s just about them and their friends.
Everyone remembers them. People recall their likes and dislikes.
No comparisons; no clever one, sporty one etc.

Cheaper and environmentally much better for the planet.

SunshineAndFizz · 25/10/2023 20:55

Having two kids is HARD. Some people lie and tell you it's fine - maybe it is when they're older - but having two young ones is so so much harder than having one.

scottishmam75 · 25/10/2023 22:03

I dont think its geat for kids to be an only

Extrovert only girls tend to become drama queens / manipulative
Introvert only girls can become OCD/ need pandering too/ a bit pathetic/ meshed with parents when too old (esrly 20s) and struggle to leave home

Boys tends to become too focussed on ipad/ gaming or extrovert ones full of themselves as no one knocks them down a peg or too

Know quite a lot of only children
Usually guess adult only children when i meet for the first time

Sorry but you asked!

kikisparks · 25/10/2023 22:09

bookworm14 · 25/10/2023 11:58

It’s always the way on here. OP asks for positive experiences of having an only and the thread is inevitably invaded by people telling them
why it’s shit and selfish and their child will end up miserable and maladjusted.

I know right! Or saying they have loads of kids and it’s great. Just… why?

Anyway I have enjoyed reading the positive experiences of those with one child families. My DD is 2 so it’s early days but so far having one child is great! We needed IVF which I wouldn’t go through again but we’re mainly one and done by choice. So we will not be taking any steps to have a child we do not want no matter how much others think it is selfish (a decision to have a child should be selfish, you should want them for yourself) or short sighted.

hulawoop · 25/10/2023 22:15

Can’t speak from experience but someone thinking similarly to you! We’re TTC, 95% sure we’re one and done. Obviously my mind might be changed.

I am actually really maternal, and always have been. It’s not so much to do with that. I have to think practically. It’s not about having babies, but about having two toddlers, two kids, two teenagers. We earn averagely. I want to maintain full time (or as close to as I can) work, I want to have money to do nice things, not worry about making Christmas and birthdays even, not have to think about comparing them by accident. I want to enjoy my family and not be at the end of my tether. I need down time and want to be able to prioritise time with DH. I want to support a future DC as much as I can with house buying and motoring, it’s not cheap. It’s a huge responsibility and one you have to focus on and not sure I could divide my focus between two. I’d rather have funds for more experiences and holidays and school trips for one DC rather than deciding which I can send two on.

Own your choice! No right or wrong x

kikisparks · 25/10/2023 22:16

scottishmam75 · 25/10/2023 22:03

I dont think its geat for kids to be an only

Extrovert only girls tend to become drama queens / manipulative
Introvert only girls can become OCD/ need pandering too/ a bit pathetic/ meshed with parents when too old (esrly 20s) and struggle to leave home

Boys tends to become too focussed on ipad/ gaming or extrovert ones full of themselves as no one knocks them down a peg or too

Know quite a lot of only children
Usually guess adult only children when i meet for the first time

Sorry but you asked!

Actually OP did not ask for a reply like yours- they asked “Can the one child parents out there tell me why it's a great decision if it’s worked for you?”

Your experience of children without siblings is not the same as mine, but anecdotal experience does not really mean much. Research suggests there are so many other factors (genetics is a huge one, then parenting) which have a bigger impact on personality than how many siblings a person has.