Answering "how are you" with "fine" is such a lie

[Snowboat]

Is anybody actually fine when answering this question? I say "fine" whilst inwardly screaming and shouting "I'M NOT FINE".
If you answered honestly to "how are you?" what would you say?

It's the modern version of "How do you do?"

Generally no one expects an answer other than "fine, how are you?"

I have various varieties I answer when I'm not fine: "tired"="stressed"; "still alive"="pretty bad"; "hanging on"= "just about hanging on"; "okay-ish"="better than I was yesterday"; "you know, keeping going"= "good friend who knows I'm struggling" etc.
I've found in the last few years that I really struggle with those white lies, even when they don't matter. But, you know what, it's only very close friends who will ask further. Most people, even if they know I'm struggling, will say "that's good" and move on; I don't think people even listen to the answer.

It's the modern version of "How do you do?"

Yes, this. Nobody is asking because they actually want to know how you are, it is just a customary greeting, to which the ideal reply is "Very well thanks, and you?".

I have never answered that question with 'I'm fine'. I generally reply with ' could be better, could be worse', I refuse to lie, but need a relatively short answer.
Saying I'm fine when my mental health is dubious seems wrong.

I was in a supermarket perusing the bananas when some people behind me ran into someone they knew and asked him How are you? He proceeded to tell them in great detail about his recent bout of the shits. Never ask and never answer.

Funny because I don't expect people to lie and I don't lie myself.

If someone asks me, although I won't start telling them my life story I might say "bit stressed today but I'll be ok", or "having one of those days but never mind". Sometimes of course I am fine.

At work we have a sort of code where you ask how someone is and they don't really respond with an answer but will just laugh and we all know it means shit but no choice to be here.

I'm quite happy to let someone have a rant/moan. I'm not a therapist but a bit of kindness can go a long way.

I usually answer I’m good or I’m alright, unless it’s DP whose asked me 10 times and I get pissed off with him keep asking 😂

I worked in the public sector for most of my working life and FINE often stood for fucked off, insecure, neurotic and exhausted. Quite applicable in life?!

It’s the fact that every randomer these days pretends to care deeply what sort of day you’re having/how you are. I absolutely hate it. It’s so deeply insincere and makes a mockery of genuine empathy. Every call centre advisor, every shop assistant, soon the bin men will be enquiring after my health..

There is also a trend now to ask ‘what are your plans for today?’ . I actually find it really intrusive and rude.

I get "how's tricks?" from my boss

I mean, I know it's just social etiquette and not even a question (same as how are you.) but how am I supposed to actually answer that?

So I say "fine".

Ha I was never taught that the answer is supposed to be fine. In fact, I was 16 when I told my mum that when someone says how are you, you are NOT supposed launch into a re-run of your past 24 hours....😳🙄😂

I do tend to answer honestly but very short 2 or 3 word answers like exhausted, good, better than yesterday, not bad, looking forward to the weekend

Try working in a GP surgery. I get asked how am I when I answer the phone and I say fine thanks but then I reply how can I help because if they reply that they are fine too then why are they ringing?

With patients I can say "well not one lottery number came up" or "I'm fine in myself" or "I'm fine thanks but if you ask me at 6.30pm you might get a different answer".

I agree it's a dull question to ask.

I don't say I'm fine, unless I am. And sometimes I am. And sometimes I'm not. But I don't lie about it.

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale
Oh I do love that Bill Bailey clip!

I've said "Shithouse, thanks for asking!" on occasion, but I say it cheerfully. Or "Been better," or "You don't want to know" (this in doom-laden tones). It's just pleasantries, and some customer service people get shit from management if they don't ask.

Bill Bailey does a whole thing about this where the typical British answer to this question is not too bad. Not in the abyss. In the car park and snack area adjacent to the abyss. When he starts talking about not too bad all things considered it is incredibly funny. I'll see if I can find a link.

Sorry someone's already mentioned it 😂😂. Very funny

Just watched it (well, half) - I'm glad to say I don't know anyone here in Australia who comes out with an unironic "Awesome!" or even an ironic one in response to that! "Good thanks" or "Not bad" are more likely.

I'm also in Australia and agree that low-key is usual, though most of the people I greet casually are older types, so "All good" is as positive as it gets.

I cherish the utter understatement of some Aussie expressions. A teaching colleague, having caught a football full in the face, described himself as feeling "a bit ordinary". Superb.

Last Monday, a dog I adored was being put to sleep (not actually my dog, but I looked after him loads) and I was feeling so sad, also very worried about another dog in the household, and about his main human, so I was very out of sorts. I bumped into my landlord, and he asked me how I was. I cheerfully said 'I'm fine thank you' I was the opposite of fine. It's a strange thing that we do...

I'm sorry about your dog friend, @Tryingtobeagoodie .

I can understand automatically replying "Fine, thanks" to one's landlord, though - how many people would want to tell their landlord about a sad or distressing event?

I hate this as I always want to be honest if I'm feeling shit but I know I can't be! I had a horrible weekend away recently, boss asked me if I'd had a good time in (city) and I had to bite my tongue to stop myself saying no it was bloody awful.

I know it's just pleasantries though and she doesn't want to know anything other than 'yeah great thanks '

Thank you. I felt very guilty about it, as it was dishonest, and I usually try to be honest. But it was automatic as you say. I didn't even think about the words before I spoke them.

Yes, I struggle with this. Lots of mental health struggles, and I like to be honest; but I also don't want to leave myself too vulnerable by sharing too much. I also don't like to burden people with negativity. It's a minefield...

There's also that it's a shield - most people who ask it as a simple greeting aren't really part of your life, and neither want nor need to know about things going on, especially bad things. It's easiest to look on it as a variation of saying "good morning".