Escape to the Country annoyances.

[DontEscapeToTheCountry]

Why is there a new part where they show them standing on their doorstep chatting like a couple of vagrants?

Why when they show an elderly couple a kitchen or living room that you could host a barn dance in, do they say that it's much too small? What are these people doing in their kitchens that requires so much space?

And why, when they say that they want a 3 bedroom home with no stairs and a small garden, do they show them Chatsworth House?

On Jules, I saw an episode once where you get to see his home in the Welsh borders. It's predictably lovely!

I hate everything about that show. Retired childless couples needing more rooms than they had with the family home. Who UPSIZES when the kids leave home? Needs at 7 bedrooms, five bathrooms and 20 acres of land. It's just the two of them in Scotland and the adult kids live in Cornwall. They are setting up a organic hemp basket weaving company

Swigger parties I reckon more likely with all those bedrooms. Its all nuts

I love the deluded couples on ETTC. Marvin is a sheep whisperer and his wife Shelly runs grass plaiting courses in London. They have sold their 3 bed flat in central London and have a budget of 4 million. They want to escape to the country to get away from the rat run. They want a 5 bedroom detached home, a 2 bedroom granny annex, a stable block, at least 3 acres of garden, a paddock, a small holding, walking distance to local amenities, a thriving local pub for only local people, and a town with a thriving weekly farmers market.

House 1:They are shown an overpriced mansion on the outskirts of a posh village on a national speed limit road. The road is too fast. The kitchen is not big enough (can only fit 1 island in and they really wanted 2 islands). Only 1 bedroom is ensuite and they really wanted 3 ensuites and 2 big family bathrooms. There are only 2 reception rooms and the dining room is too small for that 10 seater table they have. The garden is too big and too much work. The small holding is a 15 minute walk away down a small lane they own but have to allow access over so is too far away. It's 50,000 under budget so an absolute steal.

House 2: 4 bed detached in nearby town with train station with trains to London every 15 mins on a posh street. Been on the market for months. Has modern kitchen diner and 2 sitting rooms. 4 double bedrooms 2 en suite. Comes with converted granny annex in the garage. Everything is beige. Manageable garden, great local market, nearby farms that require sheep whisperer. There is a plot of land 2 mins up the road which is up for sale and would make a great small holding. There is a local stables afew minutes drive away that does full livery for cheap. House is half the budget and an absolute bargain. They like it but it might be too small.

Mystery house: 6 beds, 3 ensuite, built on a graveyard, haunted. Granny annex is the converted chapel. Gated entrance. In town with thriving market, walking distance to pub. Quiet neighbours. House does not have any of their other requiements. Absolutely perfect. We love the mystery house and want to make an offer.

When they think they might "run a B and B" - when they evidently have no experience of catering, hospitality industry, customer service etc etc.

@Caffeineislife love that!

I agree with the smug handholding.
When the heterosexual couple (which it invariably is) is shown the master bedroom, I'm thinking that that room won't be seeing any action. Of any kind. Ever.
When the afore-mentioned heterosexual couple is asked a question by the presenter, they answer whilst looking at each other, not the questioner.
Cue massive eye roll.
And there is always someone who says, "this room would be magical at Christmas, the tree could go there".
Bleurgh.

Yes! This always gets me too. I live in the Lakes , scruffy working sheep farm but you can’t fault the view.
Have to laugh at the ones who want at least two acres to keep a couple of goats, chickens etc having never owned anything more demanding than a cat, if that. Where do they get the ridiculous budgets, have they all won the lottery?

I find it one of life's greatest full on, hedonistic and visceral thrills when they broadcast the very, very occasional, almost unheard of episode NOT set in the bloody west country.

This thread sent me straight to the Aussie version, Escape From the City, knowing that some of the same tropes ran through past series:
Ticks all the boxes
Holding hands
And the Aussie touch: timber floors!!!!

Disappointingly, the new series seems quite sensible and I noticed in in one ep, the male half of a couple walked around with his hands behind his back like the Duke of Edinburgh, and another refused to be on camera at all.

However I was entranced by the one where the victim wanted to raise chickens, and sheep for cheese, though to be fair she already had chooks. Also to entertain for twenty in a house a 2-hour drive from Sydney as well as pop over to see her 90+ year-old mum. Bliss.

They never mention where the nearest hospital is I notice, and as for public transport, i.e trains, they are like gold dust.

I can never understand why so many people want to live in the middle of nowhere when they are getting on a bit. They'll be away from family, will have further to go to visit a Dr or hospital, have to drive everywhere etc. Do they think they'll never become elderly or sick? Often they're shown around places with steep steps leading up to the door too - difficult to navigate with a walking stick or frame. The whole thing is so impractical.

Why Don't You indeed
😃

DH wanted to move to the middle of nowhere. We’re temporarily living rurally while our flat is renovated. He hates it. Particularly the 20 minute walk in the rain today to get milk, only to find that the shop had shut earlier than advertised.

Yikes! I am one of these posters... loved that show as a kid

Back to ETTC - the prices are always "as of 2009" or "2012" or something. Never anything current. So back in 2012 that detached farmhouse with 75 acres of land was £200k. Funny how they don't tell you how much it would be now in 2023.

What gets me every time is the ‘spacious master bedroom’ which just fits a double bed with no room for anything else. I see a poster above mentioned this!

I think that the production teams can be very unrealistic and unsuitable with the properties they include too.

I remember an episode of A Place in the Sun with a person on crutches who had sensibly asked to be shown properties that were all on one level for obvious reasons. They were taken to a two storey house which had one of those very tight spiral staircases (which seem very popular in Europe). The presenter displayed complete surprise and incomprehension when they explained that this would make so much of the property inaccessible to them - therefore it would not be a contender.

I sometimes wonder if they (the producers) have had to agree to show/publicise certain properties anyway, even if ridiculously unsuitable.

Also, there do seem to be people who actually want to buy in the arse end of nowhere but then seem horrified that the remoteness means no amenities within walking distance. Some of them do seem to reassess their requirements as they go along but begin the search apparently ignorant of the bloody obvious.

@ChicoryDip have you met Mr Crikeyalmighty!!! We rent but he's still exactly like this

It annoys me that they all have £800000 to spend on a new house.
God, I’m so badly paid .

I agree with AnyFucker when the man steers the woman by her back into the other room, makes me cringe... or when they complain non stop and the property is lovely..or they complain about the colour of the walls etc which can be painted easily..it also annoys me that most of the time we never find out if they bought a property. also agree with others when the couple state what or where they want their house and then they show them something completely different to what they asked or well over their asking price.

My bug bear is you never find out what they buy.

I’d be buying a smaller and extremely expensive property that reflected my status rather than a sprawling house that ate my time and money. My plan when older is is to head as close to (genuine) amenities as possible in the nicest area in the most gorgeous small house.

I agree the way the man puts his hand on the woman's back when they move rooms!

Also they have started calling the bedrooms the sleeping quarters.

I do like to see all the areas of the country though.

When I was a kid we had an elderly relative who had "escaped to the country". They retired and moved from a fairly large house in a nice town to a tiny cottage in the country, 5 hours away. (I think it only had 2 bedrooms and the kitchen was tiny so would be unsuitable for ETTC!) It was a mile to the nearest neighbour, about a mile and a half to a "village" (I'm not sure what amenities this had but not many!) and 5 miles to the nearest shop. They gave up driving in their late 80s but then were unable to get anywhere unless they got a taxi (no bus service ) It was well before the age of Internet shopping.

My own DH fantasises about retiring to the country and having acres of land (he does grow vegetables in our garden now) I'd prefer to have easy access to a town/shops/facilities and, since I do 90% of the cleaning, I'm not interested in a huge house with lots of rooms we don't need!

I know someone who went to ETTC and actually brought one of the houses. They keep showing her episode as a result

RiderOfTheBlue
**
It's horses for courses. Not everyone wants city/town. Some of us want space, quiet, beautiful views etc. I don't need amenities on my doorstep and I hate shopping”

Yes, it is.
Our Scottish city centre view is stunning. Very big top floor apartment with lots of outside space and a fraction of the cost of our family home. Hate shopping too so being able to walk there and get it done in less than half an hour is brilliant. With disabled husband, will certainly need services, healthcare etc. though and they’re all on the doorstep.

The scene in every episode where the presenter is driving along a country lane and interviewing the couple about what they think the mystery house might be like always makes me shout keep your eyes on the road.