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Original poster

After 20 years of parenting it's happened

70 replies

1stworldissues · 20/10/2023 21:01

For the 1st time since I became a mum exactly 20 years ago......

There are no kids home.....

The 20 year old is living with her BF

And the 16 and 15 year olds are both out with friends

I'm not sure how to feel/ what to do...

I guess this is the height of parenting???

OP posts:
TeenMum87 · 21/10/2023 04:14

I know how you feel. Both of mine have BF/GF and the oldest can drive. It’s nice to have some quiet time, really nice. But I guess it’s the shape of things to come. Our home has always been filled with kids - lots of play dates, dinners, sleepovers - and now it seems so empty.

It feels quite sudden and too soon. But isn’t this what we’ve been preparing them for; independence, socialising, decision making, etc? On the one hand I’m delighted with the fab DC they are and on the other I am bereft.

Oldest is definitely ready to go to Uni next year (oldest in year) and youngest will follow in 3 years. My babies will be gone in only 3 years! It fills me with such fear and sadness. What will I do without them.

Nevertouchakoala · 21/10/2023 05:39

Have you never been home alone before?

honeyandfizz · 21/10/2023 06:32

They have never been at school all at once?

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JupiterJan · 21/10/2023 06:34

I know how you feel! first time I went shopping just for me in a couple of decades, I literally could not remember what I liked 😂don't worry, I got used to it

JupiterJan · 21/10/2023 06:35

Nevertouchakoala · 21/10/2023 05:39

Have you never been home alone before?

The OP was presumably at work whenever that happened

notfeeblebutPhoebe · 21/10/2023 07:06

Yes it can be a shock and men hardly notice, or don't comment.
Eldest 18 off to Uni. Younger one joins Army. Did not see them for 3 weeks.
October and November seemed a bit quiet.

Nevertouchakoala · 21/10/2023 11:58

@JupiterJan that’s a bit strange for 20 years never any time at home alone… really strange actually

Original poster
1stworldissues · 21/10/2023 14:30

Nevertouchakoala · 21/10/2023 05:39

Have you never been home alone before?

In 20 years? Actually no I don't think I have.
I've either had a baby or todddler at home, and then have worked full time since they've all been in school. DH works from home so always here

OP posts:
Nevertouchakoala · 22/10/2023 00:51

@1stworldissues do you have a partner/ the kids dad? Did they never take them to a soft play so you could have a break? Or for them to have time with their dad? Did you not make time for yourself in 20 years!?? If no, start now!

Trulywonderful · 22/10/2023 01:00

1stworldissues · 20/10/2023 21:01

For the 1st time since I became a mum exactly 20 years ago......

There are no kids home.....

The 20 year old is living with her BF

And the 16 and 15 year olds are both out with friends

I'm not sure how to feel/ what to do...

I guess this is the height of parenting???

Sorry to break this too you but sometimes the annoying things come back.

My second son moved out 5 years ago. He then moved further away a year ago. However he was doing a long distance thing with girlfriend. They decided a couple of months ago that he should come back to his old job because they missed each other too much. However no flats that he can afford are now available in this part of London. Therefore he has returned home until heaven only knows when he can afford somewhere.

Original poster
1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 06:57

Nevertouchakoala · 22/10/2023 00:51

@1stworldissues do you have a partner/ the kids dad? Did they never take them to a soft play so you could have a break? Or for them to have time with their dad? Did you not make time for yourself in 20 years!?? If no, start now!

I have a husband, dad to the 2 youngest. We've just always done stuff together, it works for us

OP posts:
Motheranddaughter · 22/10/2023 07:01

No time on you own ever,that is very unusual
No wonder you find it so strange now

Original poster
1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 07:01

Motheranddaughter · 22/10/2023 07:01

No time on you own ever,that is very unusual
No wonder you find it so strange now

Erm. Thanks ?

OP posts:
Sleeplessinseattle234 · 22/10/2023 07:03

I love how quiet it is. But oh my goodness what I would do to have a week with my son when he was about six. I miss those times so much.

pilates · 22/10/2023 07:05

Enjoy

Original poster
1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 07:05

Sleeplessinseattle234 · 22/10/2023 07:03

I love how quiet it is. But oh my goodness what I would do to have a week with my son when he was about six. I miss those times so much.

Was saying this to a colleague yesterday. They were going pumpkin picking... things like that I miss as they have no interest anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 07:06

Motheranddaughter · 22/10/2023 07:01

No time on you own ever,that is very unusual
No wonder you find it so strange now

Actuall rethinking this... I have a lot of time on my own just always other people in the house.

OP posts:
User478 · 22/10/2023 07:14

Get a dog.

EerilyDecorated · 22/10/2023 07:24

I have one at uni and one who works at weekends so I don't feel as though I see a lot of them at the moment, but its not new having time alone in the house as often when younger they would go out somewhere with just one of us, we also both go out separately a lot (shopping for example, DH and I never go together and both work outside the home, go to the gym separately etc). It does still feel quiet when both DCs are out for prolonged periods though.

EerilyDecorated · 22/10/2023 07:27

I miss some of the younger activities too though, a colleague with young DC was telling me she was hoping her DD didn't want to start trick or treating this year and I was thinking "that's one of my happiest parent memories and I still miss taking mine out years after we stopped"

arethereanyleftatall · 22/10/2023 07:27

That is absolutely bonkers. 20 years?

I would go mad if I didn't have my house to myself at least once a day! Amd my children are much younger.

If I were you I would be dancing round the house.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/10/2023 07:31

How did you manage to date your dh with a 2/3/4 year old if you never got the house alone?

arethereanyleftatall · 22/10/2023 07:33

Everyone is responding as if your children have left the house for good - not the first time they've all simultaneously left for a few hours in 20 years!

Gillypie23 · 22/10/2023 08:04

It's great you. You've got your life back. Go and live it.

Woush · 22/10/2023 08:10

That's incredibly unusual.

Dont/didn't they ever go out to play? Round to a friends? On a sleepover? Play sport?

For my four yesterday:
DD19 weekend visiting friend at uni other side of the country.
DS17 spending the day and Fri night with old mates where we used to live 20 miles away.
DS14 - gaming at neighbours and football match with Das
DD9 - in and out most of the day playing with friends on the green or at each others houses