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Original poster

After 20 years of parenting it's happened

70 replies

1stworldissues · 20/10/2023 21:01

For the 1st time since I became a mum exactly 20 years ago......

There are no kids home.....

The 20 year old is living with her BF

And the 16 and 15 year olds are both out with friends

I'm not sure how to feel/ what to do...

I guess this is the height of parenting???

OP posts:
Ragwort · 22/10/2023 08:18

Why berate the OP for her lifestyle choices? It worked for her and her family and she is merely stating the 'silence' has now come as a bit of surprise.

It wouldn't have worked for me and I chose a different lifestyle style .. always had plenty of time to myself & DH & DS did loads of activities together so I had 'peace and quiet' and time to do things on my own. Just as well as my only DC is now working on the other side of the world Grin.

Original poster
1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 09:51

arethereanyleftatall · 22/10/2023 07:31

How did you manage to date your dh with a 2/3/4 year old if you never got the house alone?

I had a child from my 1st marriage so there has always been a kid to work round

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 22/10/2023 10:01

That is very odd.
I'm going mental as my teen refuses to go to school so I've not been alone since May. I'm a lone parent with no help but even I've managed time hone alone over the last 17yrs. You've never taken annual leave when they're at school?

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Families
DaphneMoo · 22/10/2023 10:05

Your situation is interesting for me and has made me more understanding of empty nest syndrome. As a single parent to an only child who goes on lots of camps / sleepovers and holidays with friends, I have plenty of times on my own and did question why some find an empty nest so challenging. Anyway good luck and enjoy.

KateyCuckoo · 22/10/2023 10:06

Very weird. Are your children just very clingy? I have 3 teenagers and they are always out between, uni, jobs, school, socialising... I find it hard to imagine not having a household where everyone is busy doing their own thing by this age.

VisionsOfSplendour · 22/10/2023 10:14

That's can't possibly be true, do your children never go out? Does your husband never leave the house?

I literally can't imagine how I'd cope

EerilyDecorated · 22/10/2023 10:25

I do think this is highly unusual, have they never spent time with grandparents or your DH taken them out without you? I'd have struggled massively when I worked FT (I don't at the moment) if DH hadn't taken them out without me on a regular basis and vice versa. Both for my own sanity and for getting things done around the house.

Original poster
1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 10:28

EerilyDecorated · 22/10/2023 10:25

I do think this is highly unusual, have they never spent time with grandparents or your DH taken them out without you? I'd have struggled massively when I worked FT (I don't at the moment) if DH hadn't taken them out without me on a regular basis and vice versa. Both for my own sanity and for getting things done around the house.

They don't have grandparents

OP posts:
Chellybelle · 22/10/2023 10:28

Have you never had a day off work while they have been at school?

HasAnyoneSeenGavin · 22/10/2023 10:30

one lives permanently away at uni now and the other has just started uni.

I.FUCKING.LOVE.IT

<as you where>

just had to say it.

Ollifer · 22/10/2023 10:30

You've literally never ever had an hour in your house without any children in it, in 20 years? I can't get my head around that, not even one day where they've been at school and you've had an appointment and come home from work early ? Or a day off sick?

Theunamedcat · 22/10/2023 10:31

It's really not that unusual

Enjoy your alone time don't get a dog get a life without care duties when they finally leave for good you will be better prepared

mikado1 · 22/10/2023 10:41

1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 07:05

Was saying this to a colleague yesterday. They were going pumpkin picking... things like that I miss as they have no interest anymore

Show quote history

Mine have never had an interest I these things, tho I brought them once or twice. Halloween spooky experience offers also get a thumbs down.

Enjoy and plan for your me time OP. I already have plans but another 6-8 years to go. Like you I never seem to get time home alone, but plenty out iyswim.

rockinginarockingchair · 22/10/2023 10:44

Your always be a parent but you dont have do parenting anymore.
When mine all flew the nest i sat for week thinking wow its my time.
I only had the home to my self if they went to school or went to their mates.
I never had nannys or granparents to help nothing i done it myself.

Shopping was fun from full trolleys to just a basket.
I redone the spare room into a guest room. (still call it the kids room)
You do get use to it i dont cook half so much no mess no noise things left where i put them.

Im single have been since my youngest was born my choice.
I love them dearly and we are very close but pleased they are getting on with their own life now.
I do my own thing now im free got my free life back.
A new chapter to start.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/10/2023 10:53

Sorry if my messages came across as berating, that wasn't my intention. I've just never heard of this before so more curious.

MrsCarson · 22/10/2023 11:14

Our youngest went off to uni last month, I keep being told, oh you'll miss her.
Well I'm loving it. After 35 years of one or more kid at home, it's great.
I chat to her by text once in a while as I do with the older ones, and will see them all occasionally. Dh and I are enjoying the peace and quiet before they start bringing grandchildren into the mix.

Gobimanchurian · 22/10/2023 11:22

Our house is getting a lot like yours. Eldest at Uni. 16yo twins often at work or friends or parties. Have these odd moments/ afternoons /evenings when there's no one around. It's a new sensation for sure.

ssd · 22/10/2023 11:26

Empty nest syndrome is different to all the kids being out for the day. Totally different. Its brilliant and awful but not in equal measure.

BerriesNutsConkers · 22/10/2023 11:32

Sleeplessinseattle234 · 22/10/2023 07:03

I love how quiet it is. But oh my goodness what I would do to have a week with my son when he was about six. I miss those times so much.

Be careful what you wish for.

I have a 16 year old with severe learning difficulties and autism. We will always be doing Santa pumpkin picking etc as he is effectively a child and always will be.

Original poster
1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 11:45

Ollifer · 22/10/2023 10:30

You've literally never ever had an hour in your house without any children in it, in 20 years? I can't get my head around that, not even one day where they've been at school and you've had an appointment and come home from work early ? Or a day off sick?

Believe what you like.

I work full time, often used to do anti social hours

OP posts:
Itwasamemo1 · 22/10/2023 11:57

I have been a mother for thirty years and this is the first time I have literally not had a child living at home . Youngest just gone to Canada for work placement. They all boomeranged home from Uni .
Am actually really struggling TBH . Have had weeks over the years when they have been away etc but never actually not living here .

VisionsOfSplendour · 22/10/2023 16:15

Itwasamemo1 · 22/10/2023 11:57

I have been a mother for thirty years and this is the first time I have literally not had a child living at home . Youngest just gone to Canada for work placement. They all boomeranged home from Uni .
Am actually really struggling TBH . Have had weeks over the years when they have been away etc but never actually not living here .

Totally understandable but isnt the OP saying she's never had a minute in her house by herself in 20 years not that her children have all left home?

Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 16:18

Fuck me that’s weird!! In 20 years your husband’s never popped out with the kids - even to the park - to give you some space and vice versa? You do EVERYTHING together???

Original poster
1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 16:19

Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 16:18

Fuck me that’s weird!! In 20 years your husband’s never popped out with the kids - even to the park - to give you some space and vice versa? You do EVERYTHING together???

Nope. Read the whole thread

OP posts:
Tryanotheruser901 · 22/10/2023 16:21

1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 07:05

Was saying this to a colleague yesterday. They were going pumpkin picking... things like that I miss as they have no interest anymore

Show quote history

If it's any consolation, that stuff comes back round 😊 I went to a pumpkin carving class with my 31 year old last week and we had a real giggle!