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Original poster

After 20 years of parenting it's happened

70 replies

1stworldissues · 20/10/2023 21:01

For the 1st time since I became a mum exactly 20 years ago......

There are no kids home.....

The 20 year old is living with her BF

And the 16 and 15 year olds are both out with friends

I'm not sure how to feel/ what to do...

I guess this is the height of parenting???

OP posts:
ChocolateCakeOverspill · 22/10/2023 16:22

Mine are now 18 and 19 and it’s only the last year or two that I’ve been in the house alone, it’s when they’re at work / college and I’m working from home.

Maybe a couple of days off sick over the years before they went back after Covid, but could have counted them on one hand.

So I can very much believe it.

Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 16:23

I have read the whole thread. My statement still stands

FeverBeam · 22/10/2023 16:26

I'm feeling a bit claustrophobic trying to imagine never having been on my own for two whole decades. Whew.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
VisionsOfSplendour · 22/10/2023 16:33

FeverBeam · 22/10/2023 16:26

I'm feeling a bit claustrophobic trying to imagine never having been on my own for two whole decades. Whew.

I know, it would be like a never ending lockdown for me

Ollifer · 22/10/2023 16:34

1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 11:45

Believe what you like.

I work full time, often used to do anti social hours

Show quote history

I'm not saying that you're lying about it I'm just saying I find it mind boggling that in 20 years you've not had five mins in the house alone that's all

Ollifer · 22/10/2023 16:35

Ollifer · 22/10/2023 16:34

I'm not saying that you're lying about it I'm just saying I find it mind boggling that in 20 years you've not had five mins in the house alone that's all

Show quote history

And if you worked outside the daytime (anti social hours?) Then why didn't you have time in the day at home when the kids were at school?

Original poster
1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 16:53

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 22/10/2023 16:22

Mine are now 18 and 19 and it’s only the last year or two that I’ve been in the house alone, it’s when they’re at work / college and I’m working from home.

Maybe a couple of days off sick over the years before they went back after Covid, but could have counted them on one hand.

So I can very much believe it.

Thank you

OP posts:
FiftyNotNifty · 22/10/2023 17:08

I think I've had the odd bit of time by myself over the last 16 years, but it's certainly not been regular. And for the 1st 10 years or so, none at all! I work term time so kids have exactly the same days off as me. DH away for work a lot. I have found it quite odd when I'm on my own, but am getting used to it.
Enjoy OP!

Bagpuss2022 · 22/10/2023 17:16

It is strange that all the teens have never been out all at the same time on a weekend or schools holiday.
Time to take for you and DH and new hobbies etc

Original poster
1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 18:28

Bagpuss2022 · 22/10/2023 17:16

It is strange that all the teens have never been out all at the same time on a weekend or schools holiday.
Time to take for you and DH and new hobbies etc

One of my DS is not very social, and him going out is a very new thing

OP posts:
Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 20:14

One of my DS is not very social, and him going out is a very new thing

not surprised you all sound weirdly enmeshed!

214 · 22/10/2023 20:18

Oh me too, I'd love this so much

arethereanyleftatall · 22/10/2023 20:20

So basically - and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this, but it is unusual - your dc don't do any extracurricular/have any friends/ don't go out shopping/don't go to the park/don't go on sleepovers/don't go on residentials/scout camps - just go to school, come home and then stay in for the night. Every night. And every weekend? And every school holiday. And this hasn't made you stifled at all, that you haven't said to your dh 'pllllleeeaase take the kids out, I can't handle any more noise' . I'm not being goady, absolutely on the contrary, I couldn't handle that at all.

pinkspeakers · 22/10/2023 20:23

I'm a bit gobsmacked by this tbh! My kids are 19/21 so at Uni now. But there were many, many times in the previous 20 years when I was home alone! And yes I worked full time.

Noicant · 22/10/2023 20:28

I can see how that happens with multiple kids, one is probably always hanging around. DH, DD and I do a lot together, first few years I had PND and he would take her out on a Saturday morning to give me some space. But tbh since I’ve been feeling better we do a lot more stuff as a family, it makes DD happy to have us both there.

Original poster
1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 20:36

Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 20:14

One of my DS is not very social, and him going out is a very new thing

not surprised you all sound weirdly enmeshed!

Nope.

OP posts:
Original poster
1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 20:38

arethereanyleftatall · 22/10/2023 20:20

So basically - and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this, but it is unusual - your dc don't do any extracurricular/have any friends/ don't go out shopping/don't go to the park/don't go on sleepovers/don't go on residentials/scout camps - just go to school, come home and then stay in for the night. Every night. And every weekend? And every school holiday. And this hasn't made you stifled at all, that you haven't said to your dh 'pllllleeeaase take the kids out, I can't handle any more noise' . I'm not being goady, absolutely on the contrary, I couldn't handle that at all.

3 kids over 20 years so very rare that all 3 would do something on the same evening.
All my kids have social lives (DS1 very recently)
All doing well at school/ life and very well rounded individuals

Just because you find it weird, doesn't mean it doesn't happen

We didn't have any external support, we made it work for us

OP posts:
Original poster
1stworldissues · 22/10/2023 20:39

Noicant · 22/10/2023 20:28

I can see how that happens with multiple kids, one is probably always hanging around. DH, DD and I do a lot together, first few years I had PND and he would take her out on a Saturday morning to give me some space. But tbh since I’ve been feeling better we do a lot more stuff as a family, it makes DD happy to have us both there.

Thank you

What works for some doesn't work for others

OP posts:
Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 21:06

It is enmeshed that you’ve not spent a single hour, let alone day, in the last 20 yrs without your kids. You might be happy doing that, but you must accept it is odd. And that probably has led to social issues for your youngest, as you mention

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 26/10/2023 06:25

Hugely judgemental post @Raisinganiguana

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