What age of parenting is most expensive?

[Beachwaves127]

Wondering what everyone’s thoughts are on the most expensive parenting age between 0 and 18.

I’m wondering if early years are because we’ll be paying £25k p/a nursery fees per child - although DC’s activities at this age are quite cheap and she doesn’t eat much / clothes are small sizes.

We aren’t doing private schools so struggling to think of an annual cost that will be more than the nursery fees but happy to be told wrong.

Just wondering between 0 and 18 so not considering possible uni fees.

Aware DC’s activities, clothes, food, hobbies will go up as she grows but as above surely not £25k worth of increases?

Yes we had nursery fees before he started school but I don't think those ever cost us on the scale of all the above.

The difference is your list is largely discretionary unlike nursery. But how many clothes and school trips are you actually buying in reality that it is consistently more expensive than full time nursery? I frankly never believe posts like yours, I think they're entirely exaggerated.

Our nursery bills were £1600 a month for my two DDs at one point and I was working part time. It was my entire salary going to the nursery fees. I get that teenagers are expensive but there's no way that I'd be spending £800 per month on each of them.

Now DDs are in primary school they are much, much cheaper so maybe it's that you get used to the (relatively) cheaper primary years then really notice the increase as they hit the teenage stage.

University seems a very expensive age but hopefully by then I'll be earning more/working full time and the mortgage will be mostly gone.

Well, I guess you’ll get to see for yourself one way or the other once your own kids reach this age. But why do think people lie or exaggerate about this? They have nothing to gain from that. Surely it’s just useful to know that the teen years might be more expensive than you think? Many parents find that the teen years cost a lot more than they thought they would. Nobody is trying to one-up the nursery fee payers, they’re just sharing their own experience. If it turns out that this isn’t the case for you, then great, you can put all those extra nursery savings that you aren’t now spending on other things for your kids into a university fund.

@Boomchuck I already have a teen, and I'm also not stupid, there is absolutely no chance I am or will be spending £1500 a month (as I say also need to add more for the loss of wages that also occurred, those were part ti fees) on teens. Absolutely ZERO chance.

The huge difference is the list is largely discretionary (and even then doesn't touch the sides on nursery fees)

Are you honestly saying that you spend £1500+ on clothes, school trips, tech and the extra food EVERY month for 2 kids? And even then I'm comparing prices from 13+ years ago to teen prices today, nursery fees today are more likely £2000 for 2 kids.

Don't play the faux "we're being helpful" BS with me, it's the classic "just you wait" attitude a faction of MN love to do to those earlier on in parenting. I've seen it since I was pregnant.

Believe what you like but nowhere did I that say DS was in full time nursery, so you're inventing a comparison that doesn't exist.

Clothes are not discretionary, adult sizes cost more than Childrens sizes, that's a fact.

Food is not discretionary either and teenage boys most definitely eat more than toddler boys.

The OP didn't ask about discretionary vs non discretionary send, we're talking comparing child years to teenage years.

In reality, few people will have ONLY non-discretionary spend during their younger child years such that it suddenly stops and the costs of having a child go down.

The vast majority will have lifestyles that include an element of discretionary spend right from the get go and are unlikely to change their lifestyle significantly (unless their circumstances change). How people live their lives with small children continues into teenage years, for the most part.

We have always done family day trips and holidays - these cost more for a teenager than a child.

As a child, DS went to toddler groups, holiday clubs and learned to swim. As a teen those activities have changed to cinema trips with friends and outdoor activities such as mountain biking, which cost more.

So comparing like for like, my DS teenage years are ABSOLUTELY more expensive than his child years were!

The university years for sure.

I have two in uni (who cost me £31k a year in nursery 20 yrs ago!) and two more at home.

laptops, phones, phone contracts, driving lessons, car insurance. They obviously still come on holiday with us and we’ve gone way past the days when we could squeeze in one or even two rooms.

We’re essentially funding 3 “households”

@FrangipaniBlue you wrote very assertively that Hands down teenage years are by far the most expensive! and if you or your partner were working part time, have you considered the loss of wages on that total? Only if you had genuinely free childcare like grandparents will I remotely consider the nursery years as being cheaper. I also think your post comes across as very ignorant stating that your spending isn't discretionary; holidays, expensive clothes, tech (do a degree) school trips ARE discretionary, however you cut it, and there are plenty of families who have to choose to go without those, but no one can choose to not care for a preschooler; whether that's via reducing income or paying for childcare (unless there is additional help).

Send a child off to university and tell
me “tech” is discretionary

So let's go back to the question, is anyone here spending more than £25k per annum on their children (OP doesn't say how many, I will assume 2) and if you are, is it all absolutely necessary and non-negotiable like childcare?

Exactly. They can go out and earn some money as teenagers.

@PegasusReturns the OP has specifically stated 0-18, not adults.

No parent needs to fund driving lessons. A young person of that age can get a job and fund that for themselves. Not essential!

the OP has specifically stated 0-18, not adults

and my DC went off to university at 18. Which was by far the most expensive age IMO.

12 and 10 yr old, £500-600 after school childcare a month. £150 school dinners/snacks for secondary school kid a month. The food, the food. The clothes, my kids want tracksuits for bdays, rock climbing shoes, new rock climbing shoes, trainers every five minutes because their feet are growing like crazy, new coats etc etc. Travelcard for oldest. School trips next yr over a grand.

BUT I think this is the cheapest it’s been. And next yr my child care costs will drop totally.

so this age is prob cheapest, into adulthood must increase again…! Wahhh

@PegasusReturns don't play ignorant, she literally said not considering uni, you know what you're doing.

Nursery is eye wateringly expensive but predictable, and most other things at that age are very low cost.

As they grow older you tend to spend the money that you did use for nursery on something else predictable and expensive, and sort of family connected (mortgage/rent on a bigger house, bigger car etc). And then you are left with the less predictable/expected costs, which can therefore feel a bit more expensive!

And if you have 3, the third child is much more expensive than you think in terms of needing a big car, 2 hotel rooms on holiday etc.

So I probably don’t spend the equivalent of nursery fees every month directly on the children, but anything ‘discretionary’ really adds up.

@sekift

So let's go back to the question, is anyone here spending more than £25k per annum on their children (OP doesn't say how many, I will assume 2) and if you are, is it all absolutely necessary and non-negotiable like childcare?

when my eldest two were in university (consecutive years) I was paying over £25k for them.

now that doesn’t strictly meet your criteria because one was 19 and one 18 but assuming the q do you pay more than 25k for 2, can also be expressed as do you pay more than 12.5k for one the answer is absolutely yes.

Late teens to university for us.

If they paid for their own driving lessons it would take 2 weeks work for one lesson, and absolutely nothing left over because they do a lot of volunteering in the week. University is mind-boggling my expensive.

We didn’t have nursery feed as I gave up work, then WFH part time.

@PegasusReturns that was a choice you made and you very well know it. We know you're a high income household, we know you like these threads, you never miss an opportunity to tell people here, is your life so unfulfilled that this is what fun looks like to you? It is not my criteria, it is the OP's, but I hope you've enjoyed trying to put her down with your choices that are in no way helpful to her.

PegasusReturns don't play ignorant, she literally said not considering uni, you know what you're doing

actually I missed the not including university fees, so OP I apologise.

I think the teen years are very expensive - they’re a different sort of expensive and arguably some are discretionary- although probably in the same way a £2k nursery is discretionary, ie you could do it a lot cheaper but would you want to?

We didn’t have nursery feed as I gave up work, then WFH part time.

You really do need to consider the loss of income though, whilst you might have more money going out now, you reduced the money coming in which is indirectly a cost, in the short and long term.

@PegasusReturns you can't really do nursery/childcare cheaper though can you, unless we're talking proper shady stuff like unofficial childcare, but that's different to wanting to send your kid on the school ski trip, or a Mac instead of a HP, driving lessons instead of the bus etc etc.

Teens here at the moment, and SCs both been through uni. Definitely the uni years! Baby through to secondary age definitely the least expensive.

It’s essential if you live rurally and there are no jobs without driving. There’s literally zero public transport where we live.

I hope you've enjoyed trying to put her down with your choices that are in no way helpful to her

are you quite sane?! I haven’t tried to put the OP down at all, that is a scenario that exists entirely in your head.

the nursery years are tough, but the fact is childhood is bookended by two expensive periods and understanding and being prepared is not unhelpful.

there is certainly respite in the primary school years so making provision at that point for what is undoubtedly an expensive period can be helpful.