Those Instagram USA adoption stories I can’t stop looking at them

[EachandEveryone]

Well I’m not searching for them they keep coming up on my feed. I have questions.
The couples are so young and most of them don’t seem to be infertile as they have their own as well. Afew adopted as they thought they were infertile after trying for two years. The process seems to happen quicker there and no country is off limits. One beautiful family just seem to adopt Down’s syndrome babies from everywhere. How can they afford this? I thought the American healthcare system was to pot, would they pay up and how do the parents afford the insurance sometimes they have six children? And huge houses that are spick and span. And the parents are so beautiful. I know this is generalising but where do they get their money from? I can’t see how they can find time to both work. I’m just being nosy I know but they’ve put it out there for us all to see. I haven’t seen any similar posts from UK people.

It's great how the internet can make life seem amazing and always showing all the positives. Only allowing you to see what they want you to see, the families you mentioned.

I assume that there are special circumstances that they don't make public like little to no mortgage because parents/grandparents help.

I know what you mean about the videos. I get things like videos of a mum making a cooked breakfast and lunch boxes for 10 kids and she makes it look so easy.

If I had 6 children with disabilities I wouldn’t have time to be posting about them on Instagram! And that’s even if I had several household staff and support carers at home.

Do they have religious motivations posted on their accounts?

Well they all love god but dont go on about it.

Theres less access to abortion to many States, which leads to more unwanted babies.

Half of them adopt from abroad though. This morning was Japan.

You won't see similar things in the UK because adoption is very different here.
Far fewer babies as abortion is less stigmatised and more legal, and more support for unmariied mothers.
Private adoptions not allowed.
Possibly also understanding of concept of privacy may be better here too.

To adopt from abroad here you still need to do the full social services assessment. No shortcuts.

I think the church usually pay for the adoption process and flights, the day to day costs I’m not sure of. There was a family on TV s while ago and their church paid for all 4 of their adopted kids, they had two of their own too, the adopt children were from all over the world!

I believe in America they do have social workers doing a full inspection as well. I guess once it’s passed it’s easier to go on and adopt more.

I saw one the other day and the birth mom was full involved he was about 18 months and was playing happily with both his moms. And she was having a second one that they were also adopting. Opposite cultures as well I don’t think we are as “open” as that are we? I mean we might be Ive never known anyone. I’ve always wanted to foster though and it is a regret that I’ve never been able to give my job up to do that. Maybe I’m jealous 😀

https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/11/children-who-have-second-adoptions/575902/

I’m really glad we have better regulation in the U.K.

Often the biological parent gets to choose the adoptive family, so clearly they are going to pick someone with a big, clean house whose life looks amazing.

Massive houses in sprawling suburbs are much cheaper in the US as well.

I have to say that sadly we have problems in England with adoptive parents wanting to 'give back' a child once they reach puberty and the trauma they've experienced really shows in their behaviour.

But I agree that it's better regulated here, and that is much better for the children.

We have our problems but we don’t allow children to be passed on to strangers without any SS involvement.

My parents used to foster. Social services wouldn't allow them to adopt because the children were a different ethnicity. I don't know if that's still a big thing in the UK these days - I think a loving home is better than being in the care system, even if you can't always place children with families of the same skin colour. But that might explain why you don't see it as much here.

let me rephrase that.

We have problems in England with lack of post adoption support so sadly sometimes when a child reaches puberty, the trauma they've experienced really shows in their behaviour the parents cry out for help which is non existent - sometimes this results in broken parents saying they cannot cope any more and reluctantly asking social services to accommodate their troubled teen.

OP you might be interested in a podcast called Broken Harts - I found it a really interesting insight into these families who adopt large numbers of children and then turn their created family into an Instagram type entity. It also looks at how the reality can be different and it can come undone later (of course the podcast focuses on an extreme case).

That's a really loaded and unfair way of describing the problems adoptive families undergo. It's not about 'giving back' children; it's about family breakdown.

Adoptive parents commonly parent traumatised children, and that can be very challenging. We usually do this with fuck all support. Sometimes this leads to family breakdown - for example if a child is very violent and threatening or sexually abusing another child in the home.

Adoption is not reversible and we (rightly) do not get an option to 'return' our children any more than biological parents do. The bar for having our children taken into care is the same as for any other family. I have not seen any evidence that adoptive parents give up on their children any more quickly than anyone else. If you have, I would love to see it.

And as for the Instagram stories, I hate them and think they're unethical on so many levels.

@TeenDivided Thank you for your post, I can see how it may have sounded as though I felt negatively towards adoptive parents. I didn't mean to. I do not mean to minimise or disparage the vast vast majority of adoptive parents who do an amazing job. I completely agree that the support isn't there.

I have worked some cases where over time it became clear that the adoptive parents didn't want a teenager, they wanted a primary aged child. When the child grew up and went through puberty all hell broke loose. The cases were so sad that they've really stuck with me. But this is very very rare and not at all representative.

Thank you @JeanBodel

You are right I didn't like 'give back' because I really don't think people go through all the steps of adoption to just lightly decide they aren't up for it any more one day.

Even your example of saying 'parents didn't want a teenager' is a bit problematic to me. If they were that naive then is down to the assessing social workers not having prepared / weeded out adopters properly.

I think many parents, adoptive or not, aren't prepared for the teenage years. But with a birth child you have known them for 13 years at that point and that strength of bond in both direction can help get you through. With an adopted child the bonds may be less long in time, and more fragile, and of course the adopted child will have additional trauma.

Some methods of adoption are very expensive. Foster to adopt is much more affordable. There are pros and cons beyond money to the various pathways.

if you have health insurance through your employer, the fee structure for coverage is generally single employee, employee + spouse/partner, or family. On the family plan it doesn’t matter how many children you have, your cost of buying insurance is the same. You still will have copays and prescription costs per person, but there are also family out of pocket maximums per year.

if you do a domestic adoption of a child with known medical needs, there is sometimes assistance in place to help with medical care going forward.

the people adopting large numbers of children internationally tend to be involved in particular religions. So their churches may help with some of the expenses. There is also just pressure within those communities as they see this as a kind of evangelism. It’s really creepy.

I don’t think people should fault the US adoption system just because it is different. Children have the right to bond with the parents who are going to raise them. Adoptions still take very large amounts of time to finalize in the U.S., but there does seem to be more consideration given to the child’s need for stability.

This a lot of these adopters are evangelical and see adoption as being closer to god and a place in heaven, however they then go onto the Internet and are "corrupted" by the fame likes and perks.

I think that the adopters see it as godly and they are saving souls, it's imo a bit like missionary work but in your own home !

Please can posters not say 'children of their own' when referring to biological children? As someone who has both adopted and bio children I can tell you that they are all 'my own', as much as our children ever can be.