Those Instagram USA adoption stories I can’t stop looking at them

[EachandEveryone]

Well I’m not searching for them they keep coming up on my feed. I have questions.
The couples are so young and most of them don’t seem to be infertile as they have their own as well. Afew adopted as they thought they were infertile after trying for two years. The process seems to happen quicker there and no country is off limits. One beautiful family just seem to adopt Down’s syndrome babies from everywhere. How can they afford this? I thought the American healthcare system was to pot, would they pay up and how do the parents afford the insurance sometimes they have six children? And huge houses that are spick and span. And the parents are so beautiful. I know this is generalising but where do they get their money from? I can’t see how they can find time to both work. I’m just being nosy I know but they’ve put it out there for us all to see. I haven’t seen any similar posts from UK people.

Hear hear, @TeenDivided.

I suspect that publicising the adoptions is part of the religiously inspired ethos in some cases.

These parents are highlighting the fact that it is possible to have a lovely life with children who have Downs. The more you see other families getting on with life with a child or children with a disability, the more you might be inclined to think you could manage it too.

There is a lot of fear and prejudice and stigma associated with bearing a child with a visible disability. The Instagram families are trying to counter that imo.

Yes, houses tend to be quite large in newer suburbs in the US. American salaries tend to be higher than British salaries, too. States offer medical help via Medicaid to families with a disabled child. A family whose child needs multiple surgeries, a feeding tube, a night nurse, etc. would not necessarily have to pay a cent for any of that, nor would they have to rely on private health insurance.

There's one such family from the UK that keeps popping up on my youtube - young, with their own kids and also a ton of adopted kids (from other countries/different race to parents). The mum really does seem to treat the kids with lots of love, but I still feel sorry for their adopted kids because it's such a gross breach of privacy, eg showing how their backs are scrubbed, answering comments about the kids right in front of them, etc. I think it was also suggested that these vlogs help fund the cost of taking care of all these kids which, um...

That's weird. I'm adopted, I'm black I'm with white parental. Adopted in 80s

Wow weird typos from me.

Are a lot of the families Mormon?

@fuckssaaaaake maybe it depended on the area. I think this was late 70s for my parents.

Our adoption broke down at seven weeks (before the adoption order) after two years of training etc. Four years on I think about this young person most days. Whilst I did drive them back to their previous Foster carers (who will have them till 18) it was one of the worst days of my life, in that I didn't want that to happen.

So, not quite like returning items to a shop.

America also has Facebook groups where you can casually rehome your unwanted child you adopted as you’ve changed your mind!!! I used to look at a website called Reese’s rainbows, it made adopting a disabled child from abroad (into America) seem so easy. As if plucking a disabled child from an orphanage and giving them a bit of love, physio and prayer will lead to happy ever afters. I hate the gotcha videos that fill YouTube. I know they are meant so well but these poor kids land in america and suddenly 20 new “relatives” rush over, crying, hugging and kissing them and gushing to them in a new language and filming this amazing emotional moment. I know it’s amazing for them but why not bring the child over, give them chance to adapt and introduce people slowly 1:1 on the child’s terms. None of this ever seems about the child, all white saviour behaviour. I do know someone who “rescued” a child with Down’s syndrome from an orphanage to america and she does have a happy life, the mum was experienced with Down’s syndrome but I only see the happy Facebook posts of course.

Did you see the YouTube family that went viral? They were all set to adopt a child but it fell through when they found out they weren’t going to be allowed to film and post the child and use them for content!!! Most disgusting behaviour

Please stop watching these. They are adopting children and then exploiting those children by making content to spread all over the Internet that their children can't consent to. It's a safeguarding issue at the very least and I can never get over how awful the adoption process in the US is to allow this. Many, many adult adoptees in the US are calling for radical reform of the system because it has such a negative impact on them.

I’m 100% going to fault a system when kids end up being adopted as Mums aren’t given access to abortion (if that’s what they want). Also so many babies in america end up being adopted purely because of a lack of support. Social services here are being cut to the bone but a lot more is done here to support struggling parents. We don’t have a need for baby boxes to abandon babies as thankfully it’s not common due to the amount of desperate mums. As for the adoptions abroad, it’s been found in multiple cases that children in “orphanages” aren’t orphans at all! If people want to be godly why can’t they have a program to support reuniting children with their parent and helping that parent afford their child. It all seems so messed up. Of course there will always be children who genuinely need adopting and there will always be genuinely good people looking for all the right reasons to give children the most loving homes. It’s those who go around the systems that’s are wrong. You can literally pay young mums for babies and be there in the room while they give birth and take the baby off them over there!

As a UK adopter, I wouldn't be allowed to adopt again if it was discovered I was using my kids for content in this way. Hence you don't see UK equivalent posts.

I came across two guys basically advertising on Instagram for babies. They posted photos of themselves with messages saying "if you're thinking of adopting please consider us". They were chosen by a woman and have now adopted twin babies. They have massive cars and everything sponsored by different companies. All their baby kit is sponsored by someone.

I'm sure the babies will be very loved but it's so different from my experience of adoption here. It makes me deeply uncomfortable. But I don't know what the alternative for those babies and their mum would have been. It's just so alien to us here in the UK.

Stop saying "own" for bio kids FFS. "Birth" or 'bio' is not that hard to type out.

I hate adoption threads on here, they're always flooded with people stating generalized crap as facts. Comparing the US adoption industry to the adoption is system we have here is like comparing apples and oranges (unless talking about the adoption from the US foster care system).

OP if you would like more info adoptionUK is a great jumping off point.

I know you mentioned fostering (very different to adoption of course) but you can foster and work if that's something you're genuinely interested in. A lot of people say they would like to foster in the future but "can't' now because of XYZ. There are a lot more options with fostering than you may realise..restpite, support work, long term care (don't have to worry about fitting in lots of kid family contacts in around your work etc).

The adoption and fostering boards on here are great ..just food for thought for anyone wanting to know more.

For every child adopted by people involved in publicising/ influencing, there are probably hundreds who go to ordinary homes where the parents just want to create a family and offer a child a home.

I know two American families where the parents adopted - one baby came from the US through a private adoption, where the mother chose the couple she wanted and got regular photos and updates on the baby, and one through an agency from another country where the child had no contact with the bio mother until reaching adulthood (fulfilling the wish of the mother). Both families joined adoptive parent groups; one of them took great care to expose their child to the language and culture of the country they had come from and joined a group with families whose children also came from there.

^^THIS!!

Kids are not 'given back' post adoption order in the UK. Occasionally kids will go into care or have SS support when families are on their knees but their (adoptive) parents remain their legal parents.

Just like when bio families have problems with their bio kids and need support from SS and their kids go to residential care or foster carers. They are still their parents.

I found the UK channel - The Larters! There are also Youtube clips of her on This Morning to talk about how she adopted him on her gap year in Uganda (hmm but reserving comment), but I didn't watch that.

I've watched a bit of the channel out of curiosity and generally her care feels wholesome and real, but some videos/shorts (eg of her moisturising the little boy's naked torso and talking about his skin, or making the little boy address/defend Youtube criticism which he shouldn't even be aware of) made me uncomfortable. He seems happy to be on camera, but I think the little boy has even less of a choice than a biological child would in a way, as these are the "conditions" of his adoption/new family.

They run a PR/media agency using their Youtube profile, and have Patreon as well. They have 4 kids through fostering and adoption, and I think I also saw her mention that the channel funds the adoption/fostering (which I don't quite understand, why would you make the kids work to fund themselves... That's child labour surely?)

I don't really watch family vlogs but I think they haven't got into trouble because it just seems like a typical family vlog. Again parts of it have made me feel a bit uncomfortable before though. Am curious if anyone has come across this channel before.

Adoption in the US is very different to the UK.

We have two of our own children who were adopted in the UK, like all UK adoptions (bar step adoption) our children had been taken into care. In the US it is possible for a birth parent to choose parents, and those parents then fund the legal process. Longterm fostering is also more normal, rather than a child be adopted after fostering. In the UK the only cost is your medical, so for us our children in total cost about £120 to adopt. In the US paying legal fees is fairly usual, a friend is going through the process now, they will be spending around $30,000 in total. Due to high costs often religious groups fund adoption fees, but as there are fees this makes international adoption more popular as not only is it sometimes cheaper, it is often easier to adopt a baby, rather than a toddler or an older child.

That's disgusting if true. Capitalising on misery.

Bear in mind many of these videos will be propaganda from anti-abortion groups.

I disagree with Simonjt's assertions wrt costs and process of American adoptions.

Adoptions from abroad cost more than in-state private adoptions. Interstate adoptions cost more than in-state adoptions.

The question of who pays for what in private adoptions depends on the laws of the state the adoptive parents and the biological mother live in. States have their own laws on home studies, etc, that need to be done by prospective adopters.

Adoptions of babies and children from the foster system tend to cost far, far less - think $2k in various fees as opposed to $50k for a foreign adoption (depending on the country).

I'm in the US and have some good info on these situations. I can't answer right now but I will be back to give some insight into what goes on.

It's a saviour complex and/or child collecting. It's not healthy at all.

1. some parts of the country are very cheap to live in and you can get a huge new shiny house for not a lot
2. adoption isn’t magically easier here but adopting kids with additional needs in care of the state v private adoption of babies is much less expensive
3. our healthcare system is crap if you’re poor, although frankly I think I might still take that over the NHS at this stage. That aside, plenty of employers offer excellent insurance, I pay $400 a month out of my salary which is 2x what it was in the Uk and it is $15 to go to the dr, which I can get into immediately and be quickly referred to specialists. A 6 month hospital stay with open heart surgery could still only cost me a max of $700. Some employers cover 100% of all costs with no monthly premium.