I am 30, single and want a dog - a good or bad idea?

[popcorn234]

I am early 30s. Very single. Work in the office 2-3 times a week (max). Live in London and have a fairly active social life.

And I’ve been seriously considering recently about getting a dog. I know what I want - a cavapoo as my brother has one and I absolutely adore him.

I think having my own dog would give me a new lease of life. I really am quite lonely most of the time being single. I am fully aware that getting a dog won’t fill that void, but I think there would be a lot of benefits

HOWEVER, I also fully appreciate too how hard dogs are. One of my biggest concerns is the commitment when I am currently living by myself. Also, I would have to spend money on doggy day care for a few days a week as my office is not dog friendly, not to mention the monthly cost of insurance, pet food etc.

Basically, I am asking for your advice. Your experience (specifically if you’ve been in my situation and have a dog). Your thoughts/views on getting a dog in my circumstances!

(please be kind too)

I am single & have a dog but I wfh full time - if I didn’t then it would be tough & expensive! If I lost my wfh job I would have to get another wfh or go part time.

I’ve committed to him for the rest of his life & I adore him. I look back on my younger years where I was out all the time & it wouldn’t have worked.

if you have the funds for day care that’s fine but you couldn’t leave him/her all day then go out at night, they need to be with their owner that they love.

What about tge next 15 (potentially) years, do you have plans to travel, change jobs, baby? All these things need to be thought about.

I'm over 20 years older and wfh 95% and for a dog cos I was lonely around 18 months ago. Yes I pay for walks abs day care if needed but she has been my saviour. I adore her. No regrets here

I wanted a dog when single in my late 20s. I almost bought one but for various reasons it didn't pan out.

It was honestly 100% for the best.

I got one many years later once married. We have a house with garden, my DH is fully remote, I have been on mat leave or hybrid working since we got her... My DM is nearby and loves our girl so often looks after her but it's still work /a commitment and tricky to juggle at times.

Our girl is also relatively easy... And it's important to remember almost all dogs have their quirks / behavioural challenges.

Having a dog is VERY restrictive.
We can't pack up and go out to a theme park for a day...
Short breaks are logistically difficult.and there's extra expense.
We can't extend time out we have to get back to tend to DDog.
Pre kids but postdog we couldn't meet up after work for cocktails and dinner like we used to.

Someone always has to be there.
Food and insurance and dog care is EXPENSIVE.
Dog boarding is expensive.. you may not want or be able to leave your dog in a kennel our girl could NOT stay in a kennel even if we tried too. She's too nervous with other dogs.

Do you live in a flat or a house?

I thought about getting a dog. I'd grown up with dogs, and being single and living alone I missed that companionship. But I knew that in reality it wouldn't be fair on the dog to be left alone on office days, and would be very tying on evenings and weekends, even though I didn't have a particularly active social life anyway!

I did end up adopting a cat though. I previously didn't think I was a cat person. I was wrong 😂 She is great. She is my perfect little housemate. She likes having fuss and cuddles on an evening, but doesn't much care if I'm in the office all day. She can be left overnight (as long as she has her tea and breakfast!) And if I am away it is much easier to find someone to pop in and see to her.

Obviously she is more commitment than no pet, but she is a lot lower maintenance, for a lot of the same benefits of a dog!

Your dog will seriously change your social life.
Food, vet plans, insurance, kit will cost you about £100 a month before you even think of paying walkers/day care.
Day care and kennels are not easy to find.

Here are social type places you can't take a dog - cinemas, restaurants, some pubs, most bars, many cafes, concert venues, gigs, festivals, clubs, libraries, galleries, theatres, some parks.
Here are essential type places you can't take a dog - Hospitals, GP, dentist, supermarkets, Malls.
Imagine all the time that means your dog being alone.

Your dog will do things that don't fit into your schedule - she might get sick, need the vet, bark and annoy the neighbours whilst you're out, tear up the sofa, have behavioural issues, need extra training. She will get old and not be able to join you on all the normal things you do - what will you do then?

If you bond well with your dog, you'll feel very bad about leaving her when you've already been out all day you might find you are lonelier as you stay in to be with her. If you don't bond well with your dog you will really resent all you have to give up for her.

I'm older than you but I don't think that matters much really other than I am getting too old for children to potentially be on the cards whereas you're not and that's something to consider. Other than that my life is similar from what you've said.

I am gravitating toward "I wouldn't OP".

I am on my own with a dog. It's hard. I adore her, but I never planned on being alone with her.

I am self-employed (not by choice just got made redundant) work two days a week freelance teaching. One from home one not. I have a couple of clients a week to supplement income, both from home. So not someone who's in the office every day.

It's still hard.

Some things that have happened over the past few months include;

This morning. I had gone to bed early wanting a full-days work (marking etc) today. Fireworks throughout the night meant my dog was terrified had to let her sleep in bed with me or she'd have scratched at my door all night and potentially had accidents. I did not get more than an hour of broken sleep. There isn't really much to be done if your dog is firework-anxious and unless you're very rural (maybe even then!) they're a fact of life. I have tried desensitising my dog to them and she was born in firework season but nothing has worked. So I got next to no sleep. This morning I got up at around 05:00 and went to let her out but she had what I call fear-diarrhea and she couldn't get outside on time. Not her fault but nobody wants that in their house-and no sleep left me too exhausted to get out of bed at a normal time. Would have been a lot worse if I'd have been employed and/or had to drive to work this morning, but it got me very behind with what I wanted to do-I had to sleep in or I'd have been useless all day. Dogs have accidents no matter what, sometimes too!

When I work outside of the home I have to have someone come and look after her. I can't afford a dog-walker but I am lucky to have helpful people in my life who'll do it. Don't know what I'd do otherwise (other than be skint).

I had a repair man come to the property who was scared of dogs, had to find someone to look after her. Another one a few months back was allergic-had to fumigate the house before he could attend-this can happen if you have visitors.

I am single (have a 'DP' but we live apart) and it can get quite lonely. E.G I'd love to join a club of some sort and/or go on more days out of a weekend when I don't see my DP but I can't because dog. My Mum suggested going somewhere but she won't have dog in her new, 'naice' car-fair enough, but means we don't go.

My ex (whom I got dog with) will have dog but they live a long way away-so if I want to go somewhere it means I have to incorporate a 3-hr round trip BEFORE going anywhere.

A few weeks ago I went shopping with my friend. We called into a pub to get some dinner afterward-had been out about 2 and a half hours. Friend wanted to stay and have a bit of a girly night with drinks-can't.
(Unless have someone to see to dog).

Went to nearby historic city with friends. Had someone to check in/walk/feed dog. Friends decided to make a night of it-suggested trying to find somewhere to stay over-Nope, dog to get back for.

This weekend I want to go and see my friends. This means finding someone to look after her as friends have dog mine doesn't get on with. I am lucky as there is a neighbour who'll have her. But many won't have this option and I don't like leaving her with neighbour really.

Of course I don't know if any of these scenarios will occur for you but one thing that struck me is your saying the dog may help with loneliness. They do! I won't deny that. Absoltuely they do.

But they can also make you more isolated (see scenarios above)? They can mean you can't do certain social things. Everything has to be dog friendly, fairly short lived, or you have to pay for or have access to care for the dog-do you want that? I guess what I am saying is they're great but can also make you more lonely in some ways.

My dog is also very much attached to me hence my not really liking leaving her with anyone (apart from ex).

I see myself as luckier than some in the care I have access to too. The neighbour who has her for example is a bit like a 'borrow my doggy' client but unofficial. Loves having her and wouldn't dream of taking payment, genuinely takes pleasure in it although I do provide favours in return.

And It's still difficult. As I've said I do get lonely and my Mother is a bit concerned about me and found a great club nearby that she recommended I join, but it means being out of the house all day for one day at least of the weekend-I can't do that!

You don't know what type of dog you'll get either-of course we can make predictions based on breed but they're unique in themselves. I socialised my dog from a young age but she still doesn't like being anywhere crowded. She was brought up with the two other dogs me and my ex had at the time, but isn't great with them as an older one.

All things to consider.

Forgot to add that, once my contract ends with one company in February, I'd like to look for fulltime work. But would have to be WFH because of dog, too.

We have a dog, (I gave in).

My world has shrunk as a result. Can't just nip off for a weekend any more. Good kennels need booking months in advance. Can't go for a full day out dog can't be left for 6,7,8 hours at a time. Even cinema, meal, drinks... dog needs factoring in.

I do resent it (12 years in), but not a lot you can do once the dog is around. Will not choose to have another.

If a dog - puppy or adult - could answer your question, they’d say no, and you probably know that, don’t you? It would be hideously selfish and if you were truthful about what life you were offering, I hope no decent breeder (or rescue/rehomer or whatever) would let you take one.

In your position I would get a cat. You can get a pedigree if you want to guarantee a cuddle monster (although all the moggies I’ve had have been lap cats too). Happy to snooze all day and then give cuddles in the evenings.

How about volunteering in a dog rescue centre? You'll get all the dog company you fancy plus some human company too. It'll be a great insight into the realities of dog ownership and care and how different/wonderful/difficult/vulnerable/needy dogs can be. You'll see first hand how and why so many dogs end up in rescue.

Honestly? I think I would have been broken if I'd been single with my particular dog.

There are 4 of us in the house and it became extremely difficult as our 1st dog couldn't be left alone as he had severe anxiety. We got a 2nd dog (we must be mad) but it actually meant the 1st dog was happy to be left.

It's easier having teenage kids around as we can go out and leave the dogs and they can watch them, the dogs can do around 5 hrs quite happily but obv that is not every day.

Work sprung on us that we had to return to the office recently so now daycare costs have to be factored in also.

If money is no issue then I think it would be fine, the early part is tough, I took 2 weeks off with my 2nd pup and it made it so much easier as it meant he was toilet trained quickly and all settled in.

Our neighbours got a dog that cried and cried when they went out (to work for 8 hour stretches). It sat on the window ledge and howled. When they were told about it they 'solved' the problem by getting another dog.

Then we had two dogs crying on the window ledge all day. They'd stop as the neighbours pulled into the drive. Neighbours thought the problem was cured. It wasn't. Poor dogs.

I wonder why people get a dog if organising a support network for leaving it is more important than organising a lifestyle to stay with it.

It's always a bad idea to get a dog. No matter how free your schedule is, if it changes the dog is still there. I say that as a dog owner.

Mumsnet seems to think a dog cannot be left for more than ten mins but they can. The issue is, if you go somewhere overnight where will the dog go? If you have a day at work and then get invited out will you say no because your dog is your priority? Over and over again!

Also cavapoos aren't the best. Hideously anxious dogs. Same with doodles.

Don’t forget to add in the cost of regular grooming for these ‘breeds’. They have high maintenance coats and require daily brushing. They need professional grooming every 6-8 weeks too which costs £45/£50

A ‘cavapoo’ is cavalier King Charles crossed with a poodle. Poodles are high energy smart dogs. Cavaliers come with a lot of health issues.
whilst dogs shouldn’t be left all day, ideally no more than 4 hours, an adult dog could be left 6 at an absolute push (as a one-off/rarely) they also end up with separation anxiety if someone is home all day. I don’t think it’s wise currently for you but I’d find a dog groomer to talk about their costs and how to care for the coat & a dog trainer to talk about training etc and what you need to do BEFORE you definitely decide

I would get the dog,they are wonderful.it sounds like you know what you want so go get your puppy.it will love day care when your working and hoildays and social nights can be arranged with suitable dog care. it will bring you so much joy and you will bring the dog so much love and happiness.

I remember reading an article about a woman who got a dog for company and found it made her far more lonely as she was so tied to it’s needs 😢

if you are at all a cat person i would consider getting a cat (or even two cats) as they are much easier to leave by themselves for long periods/will entertain themselves but then if you are in then they will be companionable and sit with you so you have best of both worlds. dogs take a lot more looking after and it's more akin to having a human child (but unlike human children they do not become more independent with age). with that said cats do also necessitate someone to feed them when you are away etc but it's a lot less intense and thus less expensive

How will you fit your active social life and your job around the needs of a dog?

@DivingForLove was it about me
No, I adore my dog. Plus living alone she makes my life a lot safer but she's huge-that wouldn't be the case for the OP with a little doodle cross breed.

I do have a social life as I have a few dog friendly pubs/cafes etc around here that I can go to but as I mentioned in my huge post upthread-I have to pick quieter times, and my social life is restricted because, well say I am in the pub and everyone suggests going into town for a night out-nope. If I am at a cafe and friend suggests going back to theirs for dinner, nope (unless they're happy for dog to come but you can't expect that). I'm lucky in lots of ways and I do adore my dog so much-in fact she's helped get me through some very hard times (and as I stated in a post earlier, potentially saved me from having been attacked!) but they're very restrictive, and I don't think from what the OP says (if she's ever coming back!) that she should get one.

I'd like to read that article, if you can remember anything else about it?

Some of my friends have dogs. They do get you starting conversations with people on walks…although the greater part of these will be married etc people with families so not a way to potentially meet a partner. If you are single and have a dog, it is a real tie that makes after-work and evening socializing very difficult. I would not do this if I was single and wanted to improve my social life. This is before you get into risks like dogs who develop “issues” like chronic barking, separation anxiety, being reactive around other dogs which means you have to exercise the dog in isolated places and are heavily restricted in what you can do with them. Holiday wise, yes, you can take dogs to holiday lets a lot of the time, but there are often a lot of rules on this, like you can’t leave the dog alone in the accommodation. Dogs create a lot of extra housework and it’s difficult to avoid doggy smells in a flat or modest sized house. You’re also potentially cutting off all possible partners who would not like to live with a dog (which is quite a lot of people - loads of people don’t want a dog in their home).

Why not sign up to the Cinnamon Trust or something similar? This will match you with someone in your area who needs help with their dog getting walked (due to owner’s age/disabilities etc.). You can do walks with the dog on a regular basis. This will help you get some of the social and emotional benefits of doggy time (enjoying the company of the dog, saying hi to other dog owners in your neighborhood), without the commitments and expense of owning a dog.

There’s been a huge increase in dog ownership since COVID and I’m constantly hearing about people rushing to get a dog due to increased WFH and regretting it a year in because of all the above issues.

@user1477391263 you make good points-and also to the OP, as I've said I am 'single' although I am seeing someone and have been for years, one reason we cannot move in together is because my DP also has dogs and they don't get on-to the point they want to kill one another.

Someone said having a dog compared to having a cat-a dog is more like having a child than it is like having a cat. I agree apart from, kids that don't get on well at first often learn to like one another once they know one another.

They also, if they don't like one another, don't tend to have massive fangs or fight to the death (but I am being serious-that is another potential issue you could come across).

I'm 25, single and getting my dog was the best decision I've made. He's my absolute best friend and companion and brings so much happiness to my life. What I would say is that I put in a lot of effort and training to get to this point but for me it's been 100% worth it. Imo the social life element is the biggest thing you need to think about whether it would suit your life - work you can plan around and make work with a suitable daycare/dog walkers. Most of my friends are also doggy so a lot of my social life works around that (nice dog walks, dog friendly pubs, cafes etc...). When you're budgeting and thinking about breeds take into account grooming costs and the time it can take to groom your dog if you get something like a poodle/doodle. I would also put money aside to do some initial pet classes - it can save you money in the long run by building a relationship and preventing future issues (such as seperation anxiety that people have mentioned)

Bad idea, when you are young, live in London, with an active social life. Dogs need daily commitments to walks, poop scooping (ugh), love and attention. You can't just leave a dog alone half the time, it's not fair on the dog. Add to that the considerable expense of keeping a dog, and, if you're not an owner-occupier, the difficulty of finding rentals which will allow a dog. I suspect that if you had a human partner you wouldn't be thinking about getting a dog.

I am a cat person. Spent my whole life in London up to age 50, and always wanted a cat, but didn't get one because I wouldn't/couldn't have a cat in a flat, not able to go outdoors. So I moved out of London. Then could afford a house with a garden and I got a cat. In other words, the pet's needs are the priority and yours are secondary.