Can anyone admit they are disappointed with how their older DC have turned out?

[Sfuandtired]

Just that, either by their morals, job, character or life choices?
Tia

I got a dog. My mother said she would never visit again and stopped speaking to me.
So I'd say she's disappointed in how I've "turned out"

I know someone who is - her ds is a drug addict, compulsive liar and steals from her.

@Lateliein your answer resonated with me too, especially the psyching myself up to see her and never showing any weakness

My teens are really lovely.The oldest is incredibly messy and eats a terrible diet. The middle one has lots of potential but does not recognise it. The youngest is so incredibly lazy, she barely moves.

However, they are great company, kind, funny and I'm still in awe of them.

Disappointment means different things to different people — my parents are desperately disappointed in their four adult daughters, despite us all being fairly high-achieving, highly educated, solvent, in happy relationships. What they wanted was for us to all have married ‘nice, ordinary men’, live in a ‘normal suburb’, have multiple children (I have one, my sisters are childfree by choice), and be SAHMs, with ‘little jobs’ if needed. Instead, they produced a bunch of non-marrying, non-reproducing, careerist women whose priorities they don’t approve of.

Both my adult children have turned out to be far better people than I ever was, I hold their mother responsible.

Slow day on the news desk?

I read it like this too. I don't think it was particularly nuanced though, was pretty clear.

I am disappointed although I would never say so. I had thought that if I gave them the opportunity they would flourish but daughter with a degree is happy to coast at tk max 0n minimum wage and son is working on the market

I think people assume they can mould their kids into being good people, but we so often fail to take into account genetics - the more kids you have, the more clear it becomes that people are pretty much born with their personalities and proclivities intact. And then there's sheer bad luck: illness, an accident, being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The upshot can be beloved children becoming difficult, unhappy adults, and this isn't always the parents' fault, though obviously we can make things a lot worse.

I’m hugely proud of all of mine. Despite neurodiversity they have all grown up to be hard working (or hardish in ds1’s case), useful members of society. Sometimes they drive me nuts but they are all thoughtful generous lads and I’m glad they are mine.

Agree with this. My adult dcs are kind and loving, which I value above everything else. One of them has made poor choices regarding his job, because he took the easy road and it massively disappoints me that he is lazy and not working to his potential. But I wouldn’t say that’s down to poor parenting. I think quite often genetics play a part. My DHs brother is a lazy arse too, and I see the same traits in my ds.

Yeah, this in a nutshell

Kids aren't performance monkeys for us to judge. As long as they are kind good people, who cares.

Mine are devastated that I chose not to have children and have made this clear to me.

My miraculous, astonishing children have grown up into adult humans, with all the flaws, difficulties, tricky relationships, and weaknesses that adults have. Somehow it is a little disappointing that the magical creatures who seemed to have one foot in another world have turned into 3 of the 8,100,000,000 people that inhabit our earth.

Not me but my dad was about my older brother who was a functioning addict for 17 years, regularly had our house raided by police in his teens and was in and out of prison, also banned from his kids life rightly so at the time.
I like to remind him it’s all related to the addiction which was caused by mum abandoning us all at a very young age and he should be proud that he’s now finally clean, in a good job and back in his kids lives but he still can’t get over it.

Mine are disappointed with me, but have never said it. I have a doctorate, good job, house, I'm financially stable, never caused them an ounce of trouble.
However I'm gay and I know they'll never come to terms that I will never have a 'traditional' family. I moved to the other side of the world partly for this reason. We have an ok/superficial relationship but don't talk about any of the deeper or important stuff (they just 'don't want to know' about it..).

My own parents were extremely disappointed in me and had no qualms about showing it. They then started the exact same behaviour with my very young children - an extension of their disappointment in me as a parent, as well as everything else. Obviously there was no way my children could do well with ME as a parent iyswim? 🙄. For some reason I could put up with it for myself but my children were the line. I broke all contact and we didn't see them or communicate for several years. I think it scared them. It's different now. I'm closer to them and have forgiven much of it. I try to understand they're very much a product of their own upbringings.

As for my own children - both young adults - I am delighted by them unquestioningly almost as much as I was when they were babies. They're the absolute light of my life and centre of my world and they know it. As long as they're happy and decent people I could never be disappointed in them. They're the nicest people I have ever met.

Unless your DC are genuinely bad people with no moral compass then you have no right to be disappointed. Terrible attitude to have.
My mother is like this because she has nothing to boast about to others.
Very proud of my girls.

My mother has alway expressed her dissapointment in my choice of career, husband, house we live in and what her grandchildren do. The list is endless. It's soul destroying and as definately affected our relationship (she's dissapointed in that too). She' never been pleased with anything I do. Which is sad.

The good thing it's taught me is to be proud of my children and let them know. I don't care what they do as long as they happy themselves and kind. Life is too short spreading it reaching your full protenital if that doesn't make you happy.

Well I know mine are highly disappointed in me for ending my marriage so there’s that.

This I fundamentally believe I am how I am today because of how my parents raised me.

This thread is quite sad to read.
Dc is only just turning 3 but I can't imagine ever being disappointed in him.
His choices in life will be his to make despite what we as his parents want for him. As long as he is a good person, kind and with morals and is happy that is truly all I care about.

My parents, especially my mum has always been disappointed in me.
She never said as much until a recent conversation where she berated me for the choices I've made in life, where I moved to, my choice of partner, decision to have ds etc.

It's massively affected our relationship to the point I've been nc with her for the last 2 months.

My parents never got over the fact that I was a daughter instead of a son.

@foreverdecorating I sometimes feel like you do