Gifts you want that don't exist (lighthearted)

[whatausername]

I'd like a cookery lesson with Hannibal. Not at all into the cannibal aspect but if I could persuade him to use some other kind of red meat (are we red meat??) then I bet he'd be a class A teacher. The food in the tv show always looked amazing*.

What non-existent present would you like?

*Is fairly essential to mentally replace the meat components with non-human delectables to maximise the dancing of one's tastebuds.

A robot that will make me tea in the middle of the night or early in the morning. I need it to be made, and delivered to me.

I want "Z is for Zero", the last book in the Kinsey Millhone series. Must be fully written by Sue Grafton (who has sadly died).

A robot that will cook my dinner and decide what i should have

I want a teleporter I rely on public transport and it can be a nightmare at times. A quick teleport to wherever I want to go would be amazing.

A time machine.

I want another novel by Sue Townsend. I bloody loved her writing and occasionally get a bit sad that there will never be another book from her.

I'd like a completed copy of The Salmon of Doubt by Douglas Adams.

And another dozen or so Terry Pratchett books.

And a few more series of Firefly.

That'll do for now.

I need an App or robot that will tell me what to have for dinner every night.
It will be exactly the sort of thing I fancy - even when I didn't previously have a clue what to have.
The ingredients will magically appear in the fridge and the whole family will clear their plates.

An assistant that can sort out all my admin stuff. Like sorting an insurance claim or setting up a direct debit. But I don’t want to have to sit down and explain it all first - I want them to KNOW what needs doing and just make it happen.

And I’d like a house elf.

I'd like a house elf too. Especially one that gives DH a poke with a high voltage cattle prod every fucking time he falls asleep in a chair.

Pet unicorn.
Obviously 🦄

A little doggy car wash at the door. That washes, dries, brushes and floofs so I don't have to after every muddy walk.

An orgasmatron.

I have one of those. It's called DH. 😂

Bernard's watch

Oh yes! I love that series.

I’d love a device that would highlight every book I’d love in the library or book shop.

DH and I were sitting up in bed this morning drinking tea, and we were discussing Christmas presents. Neither of us has a clue what we would like, and this thread has made me realise that I can't even think of anything fanciful or imaginary I'd like either!

Actually - tell a lie - I'd like to have my teeth done without having to go anywhere near the dentist.

Oooh I want this! Especially if it can figure out which movies and shows I'll love too!

Another series of Firefly- yes please

Bernard's Watch so I could stop time when running late or need a nap.

I love this idea

I would like:

1. Some sort of robot device that could either a) remove loose hairs directly from the dog so they are not shed on clothes or furniture or b) remove short, sharp dog hairs from furniture, carpets and clothes with no effort by me and no damage to the item. a) is unlikely because dog would undoubtedly either run and hide from it or eat it.
2. A device that can find new TV programmes that I will like. Not whatever algorithm netflix/prime video use that suggests things that I have absolutely no interest in. I don't mind if I need to answer some sort of questionnaire first but if I do, it must allow me to name things/genres I DON'T want as well as things I have enjoyed.
3. A magic bathroom where I can go in for a bath/shower and leave the room dry, fully clothed and with dry/styled hair. It would clearly be self cleaning too, and even deal with wet towels/empty shampoo bottles etc

The rest of the Game of Thrones books.

I want a WiFi enabled oven that puts food from the fridge into it before cooking otherwise what is the point of a WiFi enabled oven if food is getting warm all day inside it before being cooked?