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Original poster

My partner drank a 35cl bottle of vodka then drove and HE'S mad at ME!!

73 replies

ImWithATwat · 14/10/2023 17:25

I am incandescent. From 11am-approx 2pm he drank a 35cl bottle of vodka.
At 430pm he went to pick up a takeaway. In the area we live. I assumed he was walking. It's literally 5 minutes away.

But then I heard a car and I thought no, it can't be. I looked out of the window and the car was gone! I realised he had fucking driven.

I told our adult offspring (I'm trying to keep this as anonymous as possible so please excuse the stupid wording) to run down after him to the takeaway and take the keys and drive them home.

They arrive back with the takeaway

And another bottle of fucking vodka !

And my partner has the nerve to say he is angry with me because by sending our offspring he feels "undermined".

I said you're lucky you aren't feeling handcuffs because I nearly called the police and if I hadn't been able to send adult child after you I would have done.

I then said I'm not talking to you today because I'm too angry but we are talking about your drinking tomorrow.

He is an alcoholic. He drinks one or two bottles of vodka a week. A bottle at a time. So he may 'only' drink once or twice but it's 35 +cl per session.

I told him ok, you think it's fine. Get the breathalyser out of the car and show me.

He refused.

When he's been drinking I go to bed and pull the covers over my head and pretend to be asleep so I don't have to talk to him because he's a fucking annoying monologuer who just wants an audience and I hate it.

Tonight I am going to have to lock my bedroom door (we have separate rooms because of his terrible snoring) because if I don't he's going to finish that second bottle and decide to talk at me for hours about how undermined he was by my sending our adult child after him.

I've had enough. Tomorrow I will be telling him he either stops drinking or he gets out. The tenancy is only in my name.

OP posts:
Needanewname44 · 14/10/2023 17:48

Good for you.

Luxell934 · 14/10/2023 17:50

You should of reported to the police, he could of killed someone.

Boomboom22 · 14/10/2023 17:50

14 units! Madness. Should've called the police anyway tbh.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 14/10/2023 17:52

LTB. Or rather, kick TB out. Totally unforgivable.

Fuckitydoodah · 14/10/2023 17:53

What an utter arsehole he is. What if he'd killed someone. You should have called the police. He needs a massive wake up call or he'll never change.

This will happen again.

theduchessofspork · 14/10/2023 17:54

I would genuinely have reported him to the police OP.

Apart from being the right thing to do, it’s the best thing for him - losing his license might actually give him pause for thought.

But too late for that now.

It does sound to me like things are over unless he sorts himself out? In which you would be better to kick him out - again it’s probably the only way he MIGHT realise and sort himself out. Also, why put up with this shit?

FOJN · 14/10/2023 17:55

Kick him out. He's an alcoholic, it will only get worse until he decides he's had enough.

DustyLee123 · 14/10/2023 17:55

If there’s a next time, call the police.

CurlewKate · 14/10/2023 18:00

It's absolutely unforgivable. It doesn't make a difference, but just so you know, 35cl is a half bottle-not a bottle. You don't want him saying "Well, you're wrong-it wasn't a bottle!"

JFDIYOLO · 14/10/2023 18:01

Why in the name of sanity do women DO THIS?

Put up with truckloads of shit of all description which blights the lives of themselves and their children?

funbags3 · 14/10/2023 18:07

Thank fck you're a responsible adult as he certainly isn't.

INTERNETEXPL0RER · 14/10/2023 18:10

Kick him out anyway. If he’s an an alcoholic he won’t just stop, whatever he promises.

Let him go and work on getting sober in his own place.

And go to Al Anon yourself.

elliesmummy19 · 14/10/2023 18:11

I’d call the police and leave him.

A friend’s alcoholic husband recently almost killed someone while drunk driving. I have absolutely no sympathy and would not hold back on calling the police if I knew someone was doing it.

And leave him.

Lucy377 · 14/10/2023 18:15

I'm curious as to why didn't you run to the takeaway yourself?

Why does your kid have to be dragged in to mop up your relationship mess.
Not fair.

SunshineAutumnday · 14/10/2023 18:17

My DH has a drink problem. For years I put up with the drinking and buried my head in the sand for years.

The last time he drank, he also drank a bottle of spirits and was staggering about it. I had to console my teenager daughter that night as she was so upset her Dad was going to die, because of his drinking.

The next morning, I told my DH that as a family we had enough of his drinking and we didn't want him dying young due to drinking. He could either stop drinking or leave. Thankfully he choose to stop drinking, that was a year ago. If starts drinking again, he would have to leave as much as I love him I don't want to witness the destruction alcohol will do.

Your not alone and you have choices.

Original poster
ImWithATwat · 14/10/2023 18:24

I should have called the police. I'm kicking myself tbh but I had seconds to act and in the moment I told myself that by the time they arrived he would have been home and I needed to get him out the driver's seat asap and so I sent our adult child down the ginnel to the main road to cut him off. (It's a shorter route to the takeaway)

I'm locked in my room and he knows full well why. There's no point talking to him now. I'm too angry and need to be able to speak calmly. I can't carry on like this. This has really shaken me. I do not understand how he could be so reckless. I don't need to understand how though. It's enough for me that he made that choice. Why he did doesn't matter. If I don't tell him quit or out then what I'm in effect telling him is I'm ok with you drinking and driving. I can't do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImWithATwat · 14/10/2023 18:26

Lucy377 · 14/10/2023 18:15

I'm curious as to why didn't you run to the takeaway yourself?

Why does your kid have to be dragged in to mop up your relationship mess.
Not fair.

I can't drive or walk due to disability or I would have.

OP posts:
TitusMoan · 14/10/2023 18:32

JFDIYOLO · 14/10/2023 18:01

Why in the name of sanity do women DO THIS?

Put up with truckloads of shit of all description which blights the lives of themselves and their children?

Because you keep thinking it’ll get better, that they can’t possibly do anything worse than the last bad thing they did which they promised not to do again, because some of them do actually get sober and stay sober and you feel you have to give them the chance, because friends and family play down what the alcoholic has done and blame you (looking at you, in-laws) and because you just can’t believe that the lovely person you married has turned into a selfish addict on the path to self-destruction.

Does that help explain?

In my case, I gave up hope, shopped him to the police for drink-driving, chucked him out and went to his funeral two years later.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/10/2023 18:45

@ImWithATwat

You didn't cause this
You can't control this
You can't cure this

You can issue ultimatums until Doomsday but he has to want to stop drinking for himself. Not for you, his children, his job....himself. I suggest you contact your local chapter of Al-Anon, a group specifically for family and loved ones of alcoholics.

Cowlover89 · 14/10/2023 18:49

LTB

DistrictAndCircle · 14/10/2023 18:52

What a selfish prick he is. Aside from the fact that he could’ve killed you or me or my kids, that’s enough alcohol to get him sent to prison if he was caught. Get him out of your life.

Deathraystare · 14/10/2023 18:56

Well of course it is down to you and your problem. Do you really expect a grown arse man to be responsible for his own actions????

LividGas · 14/10/2023 18:56

Even if it was the first time (doubtful) it won’t be the last.

Use this feeling to gird yourself that next time you WILL call the police and now start making plans to leave him.

Ive divorced an alcoholic and also dobbed in an alcoholic parent to the DVLA so trust me when I say I know it’s shit and you shouldn’t have to go through it, but you don’t have to live with it and you don’t have to let him hurt others.

I’m sorry.

AsMyGranWouldSay · 14/10/2023 18:59

Please don't give him an ultimatum.

This needs to be it.

The only way for him to get better is to stop drinking. Forever. And get himself help.

He will NOT do that if you only give him a yellow card. It needs to be a firm red one.

He could have killer a child, a pregnant woman, himself...someone's child in all cases.

Show your DC this is not ok.

bonzaitree · 14/10/2023 19:14

Skip the ultimatum and get this man out of your home and out of your life.