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Original poster

Offering workmen teas/coffees (aibu)

130 replies

Bu22 · 13/10/2023 10:44

I just don’t know if I am being completely unreasonable here.

We have builders in at the moment (not in our flat but in the flat opposite which is owned by us).

Seeing as it belongs to us, I immediately started offering them teas/coffees the day the works commenced.

It’s not a problem when there is just 1, 2 or 3 workmen in at a time. But.. sometimes there’s 5-6 of them and because i’ve started it, they now just knock (twice a day usually) and ask for their teas & coffees.

Like I say, if there’s just a couple or a few of them I don’t mind at all. When i’m standing around making 5+ cups of different teas and coffees though, whilst looking after two young children, it gets a bit annoying. I’m also sick of seeing all the mugs left outside my door at the end of the day needing to be washed - although I suppose it’s good that they always give them back instead of leaving them laying about.

Part of me feels it is reasonable, part of me thinks it isn’t.

Although I can’t exactly turn around and say no even if I wanted to so I suppose I will just have to deal with it!

Bare in mind they’ve been in for nearly 3 months…. I’m done with the sight of the kettle atm! I even contemplated getting a cheap kettle for them but then that would probably look rude and where would they keep the milk…

OP posts:
MammaTo · 13/10/2023 11:51

Cheeky feckers knocking 😂😂

Yeah deffo just get a cheap kettle and stuff for them to make their own and just supply them with the water for the kettle as and when.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 13/10/2023 11:54

motherofbees · 13/10/2023 10:51

My policy on this has been to offer if they are only there for a day or so but long building jobs don't get into it with them. They bring their own flasks and it just gets awkward even leaving stuff out is a pain and costs a bomb. We had one roofer ask for decaffeinated so I bought a jar then he walked off the job the next day Confused

This sounds sensible.

It's nice to offer occasionally and leaving bits for them is very considerate but likewise they aren't children and are perfectly capable of bringing their own.

It doesn't make you a bad person to not provide catering Grin

Ifailed · 13/10/2023 11:55

As they are not in your home, I would have just left a kettle etc. When I've had people in my own house I offer a hot drink mid morning and mid afternoon when I'm likely to be having one myself.

Flyawaywithme · 13/10/2023 11:57

I also have builders in and make them a cuppa if I’m having one. Otherwise I say help yourself and leave all the stuff out.

sipsqueak · 13/10/2023 12:01

We've done a huge amount of renovation and building work over the years with armies of tradespeople coming and going. We generally do offer tea & coffee. But never once has anyone rocked up and actually said "where's my tea?" Or "I'm ready for my tea now thanks".

VeronicaBeccabunga · 13/10/2023 12:01

When we had a fairly big job going on I invested in one of those cafe style sugar pouring jars from Ikea, for a couple of quid.
Put an end to wet teaspoons in the sugar bowl, which is a pet hate of mine.
I set out all the doings for them to brew up, I usually made one when the guys all rocked up first thing and then left them to it.
They got the occasional pack of Penguins or similar as a treat.
I do believe in being nice to anyone in my home 🙂

Jibo · 13/10/2023 12:02

I've always just set up a tea and coffee station when I've had builders around long-term. You can get a kettle for £10 and I don't mind restocking teabags, instant coffee and milk as needed!

usedtobeasizeten · 13/10/2023 12:09

I always offer tea/coffee etc. when they arrive. After that I leave a tray set up and they help themselves.

MsRosley · 13/10/2023 12:22

What pisses me off is you just know they'd never pester your DH for tea. Have direct experience of that kind of ingrained sexism, and it's a constant hazard if you've got builders in and you work from home.

Janieforever · 13/10/2023 12:31

MsRosley · 13/10/2023 12:22

What pisses me off is you just know they'd never pester your DH for tea. Have direct experience of that kind of ingrained sexism, and it's a constant hazard if you've got builders in and you work from home.

In my experience this is untrue, it’s simply who is the person who offers the drinks in the first place/who is home.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 13/10/2023 12:39

I had renovation work done last year. 11 weeks job turned into 6 month bloody nightmare. I started giving a drink or 2 during the day, but 3 months in when the job turned into a piss up in brewery and my builder had gone through endless contractors he pissed off, I stopped. The only exception was during very hot weather last summer when I’d take out regular jugs of iced water to ensure they didn’t dehydrate

generally for trades here to do odd jobs I do provide tea/coffee if I’m in. I have regular gardeners and will always make them a brew to keep them “on side” , similarly I had a couple of guys round earlier in week to routine maintenance jobs on roof and gutters and made them a brew - again to keep them on side

but I expect that in households where there’s only a bloke in they’d not even get that . I was a global consultant before I retired, and travelled across world and Europe and uk to many different sites. Overwhelmingly it was the women employees who asked if I wanted a drink, and did the hosting thing. There were 2 sites I visited with men as my main host and every time I went I’d have to ask for drinks etc every single time I needed something to drink, . and they’d make a blimmin fuss at going off and having to make something for me- even when one of them would habitually walk into room first thing with a coffee- it didn’t ever occur to him, despite my constant asking at every visit, to bloody make it and bring it into room with him 🤦‍♀️….btw I couldn’t take a thermos- I was staying in hotels and going onto sites from 7:30am to often 7pm. Sensible hosts would give me access to a kitchen and ensure I knew where things were to help myself - but every time that was the women who had nouse to do that.

SM4713 · 13/10/2023 12:46

MsRosley · 13/10/2023 12:22

What pisses me off is you just know they'd never pester your DH for tea. Have direct experience of that kind of ingrained sexism, and it's a constant hazard if you've got builders in and you work from home.

Upthread I mentioned we've been renovating 2 years and living in a caravan in the garden. The roofers would whatapps my DH when it was their tea O'clock- which was every 2hrs on the dot! 8am, 10am, noon etc! If DH didn't reply (he WFH also), they'd knock on the caravan door! 😡

That's when I left a kettle for them to help themselves the CF's.

Colourfulponderings · 13/10/2023 12:51

MsRosley · 13/10/2023 12:22

What pisses me off is you just know they'd never pester your DH for tea. Have direct experience of that kind of ingrained sexism, and it's a constant hazard if you've got builders in and you work from home.

I’ve never had this. But DH always makes the first hot drink to establish that it’s not my job which probably helps.

Dogsitterwoes · 13/10/2023 12:55

Stick a kettle, mugs, tea and coffee in the flat. If you want to be really nice add a pint of milk ( it's fine out of the fridge for a day this time of year). Put some washing up liquid and a sponge by the sink and leave them to it.

They wouldn't normally get anything in an empty property, so they ought to be grateful!

user1497207191 · 13/10/2023 13:11

When my MIL (with dementia) needed a new roof on her house, we made it clear to the roofers when they came for a quote that they weren't to knock on her door for anything and that she wouldn't be making drinks for them. We said they could have a key to the garage which had electric if they needed it. They were all fine with that and said they'd make their own arrangements. There's now way my MIL could have coped with them knocking to ask to go to the loo or make drinks for them, she can barely look after herself! She was confused enough with workmen being there and kept phoning us every morning to say there were "strange men" in her drive as she'd forgotten she was having her roof replaced!

They hired a portaloo which they put on the drive and brought their own kettle, tea/coffee etc, large water container, mugs, and set up a little kitchen in the garage, they looked after themselves, presumably did their own washing up etc.

I think it helps to give them a bit of a heads up if facilities aren't going to be provided.

Janieforever · 13/10/2023 13:48

Colourfulponderings · 13/10/2023 12:51

I’ve never had this. But DH always makes the first hot drink to establish that it’s not my job which probably helps.

Show quote history

if some one is here for a small job, ie a day or less, it’s who ever is free or there first does it. I’ve never had a tradesperson have to ask though for a drink, we always offer or lay stuff out for them if a longer job. But when we offer it can be either one of us who does so and makes it.

im fairly sure if they wanted coffee and the ops husband was the one who answered the door, they’d still ask and aren’t only doing it as she’s a woman.

ohtowinthelottery · 13/10/2023 13:59

In my experience theey always bring their own drinks but a fresh brew is often appreciated.

I've done the 3 months of building work with never knowing how many are on site on any given day too. I did make teas/coffees twice a day for them all and went through many packs of biscuits. I wanted to keep them happy and get the job done. The boss must have had ESP when my kettle was boiling as the number of times he arrived just as the kettle boiled was astounding.
They didn't get a brew when I was out though - except on a later job when there was only 2 of them - I left cups etc next to the kettle then and told them to help themselves. Never had them knock and ask for a brew though!

Princesspollyyy · 13/10/2023 14:09

Does that mean they are needing to use your toilet aswell?

MaybeSmaller · 13/10/2023 14:58

Just provide them the stuff so they can make their own.

A basic kettle from Argos is £8.

One day's supply of milk doesn't need to be kept in the fridge (not on a building site in October anyway!), or you could provide UHT milk.

It's pragmatic, not rude.

"I know you enjoy your tea, but unfortunately I can't always make it for you when you want it, so here's all the bits so you can make your own. What biscuits would you like?"

Lottie4 · 13/10/2023 15:04

A bit cheeky if they're asking. I offer hot drinks when I have one, which is before and after work - in my case 9.30am and 2pm, probably not an ideal time for them, but I offer.

If it was really hot, then I've offered squash 3.30-4pm. Most if them seem to bring a flask/water, so they can easily have another drink if they wish.

shakeitoffsis · 13/10/2023 15:20

I leave a box with cans of pop and some chocolate bars. Replenish if needed that night. Can't be doing with making hot drinks.

ThreeRingCircus · 13/10/2023 16:32

We've always just set up a little station with kettle, teabags, coffee, sugar and milk in a thermos to keep it cool. A packet of biscuits too and then they can just help themselves.

Princesspollyyy · 13/10/2023 16:45

MaybeSmaller · 13/10/2023 14:58

Just provide them the stuff so they can make their own.

A basic kettle from Argos is £8.

One day's supply of milk doesn't need to be kept in the fridge (not on a building site in October anyway!), or you could provide UHT milk.

It's pragmatic, not rude.

"I know you enjoy your tea, but unfortunately I can't always make it for you when you want it, so here's all the bits so you can make your own. What biscuits would you like?"

Well it's been 15-17° here and it's mid October. Not sure I'd want my milk that temp!

MsRosley · 13/10/2023 21:46

Colourfulponderings · 13/10/2023 12:51

I’ve never had this. But DH always makes the first hot drink to establish that it’s not my job which probably helps.

Show quote history

I've had builders totally ignore my husband while he's downstairs, but the moment I appear out of my office, they ask me to make them a drink. This has happened to me twice. On the latter occasion, the bloke was outraged when I suggested he ask my husband instead.

Precipice · 13/10/2023 21:58

CloakandDagger1 · 13/10/2023 11:50

Also - a few months ago, I took out about 10 cups of tea out to roadworkers who were working outside my house all day until it went dark. When I went to collect the mugs an hour later NOT ONE had drank the tea!!!! Ungrateful gits!!

Nothing ungrateful about not consuming something you hadn't asked for just because it's thrust upon you. Why did you go through the effort of making so many cups of tea without even asking if anyone wanted one?