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Original poster

Any other women never had much male attention?

86 replies

YearOfTheRear · 12/10/2023 13:25

I often see on here about the relentless attention women get from men. I just can't relate at all, and I'm wondering if it's just me!

I'm currently 34. 5ft 3, throughout my adult life my weight has fluctuated between 8.5st and 11.5st (which seems to make no difference to how others treat me). Admittedly I'm not very into fashion and live in jeans and nice tops, but I do choose items which flatter my rather curvy figure (I'm a 32F). I don't wear much makeup.

I've had five medium-long term relationships but day to day, men never seem to notice me. I've never been wolf whistled at or spoken to in a flirtatious kind of way. I'm either very ugly or very unfriendly! I can't help but feel a bit sad about this!!

OP posts:
dellesapples · 13/10/2023 10:25

Used to when I was younger and thinner and childless nowadays I'd be lucky to get a second glance. I have a partner now so for me it's no longer desirable to be desired by strangers.

CesareBorgia · 13/10/2023 10:28

Yes, me. The only male attention I have ever had from strangers has been insulting - being mocked, called ugly and so on. It's a relief that, in middle age, I seem to have become invisible.

The idea of being upset at encroaching middle-age meaning random men no longer flirt with you (as was the subject of a recent thread here) is something alien to me, I can't imagine a life in which men try to 'chat me up' or wolf-whistle. I understand that not all of those it happens to view it as a good thing, but I've never had the chance to form an opinion.

I'm perhaps a bit callous but 'men don't notice me anymore' complaints just make me think 'welcome to my world'.

anareen · 13/10/2023 10:34

Ragged · 13/10/2023 10:08

That isn't the kind of attention you want. Any man that gives you that kind of attention probably isn't one worth being in a relationship with.

Well said.

Thank you. This would be assuming she is wanting a relationship. I may have jumped the gun on that one. If not, want all the kind of attention you want. Who is anyone to say 🤷🏻‍♀️

anareen · 13/10/2023 10:42

NameAU1 · 13/10/2023 10:06

You said you have had 5 meduium-long term relationships? I think 5 isn't an abnormal amount.

This is what I was saying.
Isin’t 5 relationships a great success?
That 5 men who liked, cared, wanted to spend time with a person, share a life for a bit, listen to her, did nice things with and for her.

I think that’s a real good run?

How many relationships is average / seen as a good run?

This was my error. OP may want that male attention independent of a relationship. She didn't say she was unhappy with the number of relationships she had. I misconstrued the post I believe.

TheOldLadyOfThreadneedleStreet · 13/10/2023 10:48

Hardly any throughout life and now I’m mid50s. I’m not chatty or vivacious, I suspect they think I’m intimidating, I dress well but am not much interested in fashion or makeup. TBH I never gave the issue any thought til it kept cropping up on mumsnet. My DD is now late teenage and I am aware for her sake, but so far no real issues. We live in a generally pleasant town, perhaps that helps.

AsBeautifulAsYou · 13/10/2023 11:24

I have always got male attention even now as an older woman as do my sisters. Our Mother was exceptionally beautiful and we are but pale imitations but enough to get that attention. We are also decent conversationalists and quite opinionated. I think knowing you are attractive can make you more confident. The last time a random man asked for my number was in June in a bar, I am in my fifties. I have been in a long marriage and inc years before marriage it’s close to 28 years together. DH did say how he was struck by my looks the very first time he saw me but that his deep admiration stemmed from seeing me give a rousing speech at a huge union meeting on campus. I was head of one of the unions.

Squit · 13/10/2023 11:35

Oh me.

I‘ve always wondered about this.

I worked as a waitress as a teenager and the chef/owner used to perform daily low level sexual assaults on all the girls who worked there. But never me. Obviously this is vile and I didn’t envy them but it did give me a weird feeling of being singled out as unworthy somehow. Probably something to unpick with my therapist in years to come.

Personally I think I’m hot stuff so meh.

pinkspeakers · 13/10/2023 11:36

Depends what you mean by "male attention". I've never really been able to identify with posters saying they constantly receive unwanted male attention from random men. The kind that is borderline harassment, or actual harassment. I've really never been particularly aware of that. Only very very occasional cat-calls/whistles when I was younger. And strangers of all sexes/ages often approach me and say they love my (curly) hair!!!

At the same time, I've never really had any problem getting men to take an interest in me, possibly attracted to me, when I want them to. But these would be men I actually choose to interact with. I was continuously in relationships with men from age 16. But that kind of response hasn't really changed that much as I get older (now over 50)

I consider myself to be average attractive. Slim, definitely not curvy, brunette, with crazy curly hair. I never fitted the stereotype of the kind of woman that men find attractive. But men that I like tend to like me too!

moggerhanger · 13/10/2023 11:38

No, me neither. But I am a bit of a munter. Interestingly though, I've always got on well with men in a mates kind of way. Just not in a flirty romantic way. Suits me fine TBH, I have a DH of 27 years and no interest in anyone else.

Lizardonachair · 13/10/2023 14:11

I think you probably are attractive but men maybe don't perceive you as "available" or wanting attention. I think hair and clothes make a big difference. I had a pixie cut in my early twenties and didn't get much attention. I also remember going out when my hair was long and wearing a hugely padded bra, false eyelashes and a mini skirt and getting lots of attention (I think the pretend breasts made a difference). If I went out with minimal make up and jeans I would get no attention whatsoever. I get none now I'm in my late thirties!

fetchacloth · 13/10/2023 14:37

I'm nearing 60 and I seem to receive more male attention these days than I did in my 30s.
Not sure why this is but I have considerably more self confidence and I'm willing to talk to people I don't know. When I was younger I wouldn't have done this.
Older men (over 50s) are less bothered by womens' looks and seem to prefer women that are self confident and happy in themselves.
Men of any age that are only interested in a women's appearance are too shallow to be bothering with anyway. 😁

anareen · 13/10/2023 14:48

What kind of outcome are you looking for I should ask? If one is looking for sheer surface level going out to a club etc would be the setting for that? If someone wants more platonic maybe meeting someone through shared interests such as a hobby you partake in?

I am 29. I don't wear makeup anymore and don't even go out of my house unless it's for work or pertaining to the children. I love keeping to myself and my children. At work I have men ask me for my number but honestly, that is not someone I want to give my time of day to. They are most likely looking for one thing and I don't care to entertain it. I have no interest in a sexual or even romantic relationship at this point in my life.

How you hold yourself as well plays a factor I would think. I don't feel as though I give these men any inclination that I am interested or inviting them to ask for my number. I haven't been able to figure that one out. Men are strange creatures to me. I am cordial with people and I have only been able to assume that men twist things in their head and get idk what ideas if you show politeness.

YeahJackie · 13/10/2023 14:50

I hope for the future women out there that some day we have all stopped measuring our own self worth on whether some random man thinks we are f*ckable. It’s gross and super misogynist. There’s so much more to being a worthwhile human being than whether some random pervert wolf whistles at you.

glittereyelash · 13/10/2023 15:05

I got quite a lot of attention in my early teens up until my late 20s. I'm not particularly attractive but I was slim and confident. The only attention I get now is from men who are 20+ years older than me. I much prefer not getting attention tbh.

SallyWD · 13/10/2023 15:09

I think I've had a medium amount of male attention which makes sense as I'm am of medium attractiveness! Over the years I've had several men wanting to date me, saying they fancy me, being groped and chatted up in pubs etc. However, I'm talking over years. On a daily basis I've never had much hassle from men. I have two particularly gorgeous friends and going out with them is such an eye opener! Weve gone out on a Monday morning or whatever with them in jeans and a coat and they still get soooo much attention. Men beeping their horns, men chatting them up in the supermarket, men stopping them in the street to tell them they're beautiful. It blew my mind! It made me realise that in comparison I get very little attention.

Hazelnutwhirl · 14/10/2023 00:03

Men never find me attractive or pay me any attention unless they are really drunk, it’s a shame it would be nice, but I am 40 now so not very likely, I have never been in a proper relationship and have given up hope now ☹️.

MellowYellow2023 · 14/10/2023 06:56

In the late 90s/early 2000s I used to get a combination of some very nice, cool men who would talk intellectually and with a bit of charm about things and would see if something could develop from there and some lecherous older men who would make a really clumsy pass and then be offended when rejected.

Luckily, 20 years on, the latter seems largely over (I hope!) and I think some men are a bit intimidated by me or I just have a good chat and it’s purely platonic. Saying that, where we get our coffee at work, I do kind of chat to most people and I think the younger men are a bit embarrassed and don’t know what to say really. I think they are worried about coming across the wrong way and tread very carefully when really I have been a happily married woman for 14 years now and just trying to make a bit of conversation!

It’s very interesting and a generalisation but overall I Have found that the English men I have met tend to be a bit awkward around women and don’t really know how to talk and then progress to dating etc… whereas American men that I have met are much better at social skills but can be a bit too forward! I am married to a Frenchman who is a complex character and not a caricature but he just gets how to speak deeply to me and flirt as well etc…and kind of seems to know when each one is appropriate. It’s very nice. Each to their own I suppose.

MartyFunkhouser · 14/10/2023 07:59

Careful what you wish for. I work in a male dominated industry and I get more than my share of unwanted male attention. It’s quite often inappropriate too.

It’s quite interesting to see this in reverse as an observer. My young adult son (I’ll admit he’s extremely good-looking) gets loads of female attention when we’re out. He is completely oblivious, and I think it’s because women do it subtly.

CraigNotCreg · 14/10/2023 08:13

I got loads of (mostly unwanted) attention from men throughout my 20s. From 25-30 I was at my very best - looked great, very confident, had a good job... Those were happy days!

I'm now late 30's, married and a SAHM to 2 DC. I'm heavier than I used to be with a lot more grey hair and aging skin. I've not had any attention of any kind in a good while, and I don't miss it to be honest.

Loubelle70 · 14/10/2023 08:21

ClaribelLowLieth · 13/10/2023 09:27

I suppose I got average amounts of male attention but I do remember when I was a teenager I used to wear an old 60s swimming costume as a top (it was the 90s).

It had cups in it so it looked like I had much bigger boobs than I did in real life. The male attention really weirded me out - men literally gave me things!
Even the cute shy boy in the record shop went out of his way to be friendly and helpful where he'd usually been polite and reserved. Put me off him TBH!

Yes ive had this, it puts me off. So superficial. I haven't got really small boobs (but what if i had right?) ...i bought a wonderbra back in the day to fill out a dress for a wedding.. and the attention i got from men was unbelievable...it made me sick. Im like f.o...you werent bothered when i had my normal boobs...and them staring at my chest..i felt like whipping the bra off and helicoptering it round my head whilst shouting " you salivating superficial worms". But i didn't...i ignored the attention and ditched the bra. Take me as i am.

Starseeking · 14/10/2023 08:35

I've never had much male attention as I'm the complete opposite of what is considered conventionally attractive where I live.

When I was growing up, this meant my focus was always on books, studying and never on romance or boys as I got older.

Meeting my now EXDP and father of my DC when I was in my mid 30's meant I probably grabbed hold of him more quickly than I should have done, and realised he would not be good for me.

Having been out socially recently with a female acquaintance who does attract male attention, I was reminded of my younger days when I would be completely ignored, while friends were bought drinks and asked out.

anareen · 15/10/2023 06:02

YeahJackie · 13/10/2023 14:50

I hope for the future women out there that some day we have all stopped measuring our own self worth on whether some random man thinks we are f*ckable. It’s gross and super misogynist. There’s so much more to being a worthwhile human being than whether some random pervert wolf whistles at you.

🙌🏻💜

Hazelnutwhirl · 15/10/2023 09:21

I don’t necessarily want attention from the knuckle dragging men, but don’t you need to have some attention from men to get dates and find a relationship? I am genuinely interested, as men never show any interest in me so I assume I will never find a long term relationship.

Polis · 15/10/2023 10:00

I am genuinely interested, as men never show any interest in me so I assume I will never find a long term relationship.

I found my husband by showing an interest in him. He was interested in me but didn’t think it was appropriate to show it.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 15/10/2023 10:22

Whenever I read comments sayin they are happy to invisible (older/later in life) I always wonder if they’d be so happy about if they had been so always.
And to have to live their lives alone too.
I doubt it

I've been pretty much invisible now I'm older, I live my life alone (I don't HAVE to, I choose to), and am very happy with that. Perhaps you should have a think on why you believe that sort of life is something to make people unhappy and why you feel the need to adopt such a pitying tone about people like me.