Any other women never had much male attention?

[YearOfTheRear]

I often see on here about the relentless attention women get from men. I just can't relate at all, and I'm wondering if it's just me!

I'm currently 34. 5ft 3, throughout my adult life my weight has fluctuated between 8.5st and 11.5st (which seems to make no difference to how others treat me). Admittedly I'm not very into fashion and live in jeans and nice tops, but I do choose items which flatter my rather curvy figure (I'm a 32F). I don't wear much makeup.

I've had five medium-long term relationships but day to day, men never seem to notice me. I've never been wolf whistled at or spoken to in a flirtatious kind of way. I'm either very ugly or very unfriendly! I can't help but feel a bit sad about this!!

I'm told I'm pretty and have big boobs so you'd think I'd be batting them off with a stick. But I couldn't flirt if my life depended on it and I'm useless at small talk. No one ever pays me any attention. I've never been chatted up.

Mid 50s now. Am told I look good for my age. Look after myself, dress nicely, hair done and subtle makeup whenever I go out. Nothing. Still single. Not even a date in over a decade. I guess I don't 'have it'.

Not much thank goodness, when I read what some women have to put up with it is frightening. There have been a few incidents over the years which have creeped me out but nothing too serious thankfully. For me it’s a positive, I definitely don’t feel sad about it.

Go to Italy OP, i am similar to you, curvy / busty and I remember everywhere I went eyes were drawn to me. I wasn't even in low cut tops but summer clothes don't leave much to the imagination!

I always liked male attention, only ever got it when my weight was down and in pubs/ clubs and even then it was fairly minimal. Im quite average, not a stunner. I like a bit of flirting and see no harm in it. I'd love to get a bit of it now, it's been years.

This.
I dont base my worth on what men think of me anymore. Thats the patriarchy for ya...all for the men. Dont.
Do you

I've never had male attention. I don't mean that I want to be catcalled in the street or anything but I'd like a relationship. I've had 2 relationships, both initiated by me. My husband said he was never attracted to me and my ex boyfriend was a freeloader who moved in and I paid for everything. Neither of these men would be seen in public with me and I never so much as went for a drink with either.

Nobody has ever flirted with me. I've not had any admiring looks. I'm a normal person. I'm neither super attractive nor super unattractive. As of now I've been doing OLD for well over a decade and never met one person. I've not met anyone through old fashioned means either.

Family and friends are also taking it as a given that I will never meet anyone. I was even at a social occasion once and the host, a lifelong family friend, came to the table I was on and led me by the hand to the children's table where I was to help occupy the children by doing crafts with them. The children weren't tiny and needing supervision, she just thought that would be more enjoyable for me.

I wear jeans, fitted tops. I don't wear much make up and I dont have an elaborate hair style or have manicures. I'm clean and tidy, I have nice teeth. I dress appropriately for my lifestyle. It would look odd if I started tottering around in heels and dresses for the life I lead.

There is clearly something about me that is giving off the wrong vibes but I don't know what. I see lots of average looking couples so I don't think it is impossible for people who are not supermodels to get together. I can't even say that it is my personality because in most cases I'm not even getting as far as chatting to them.

Even as a younger person I would go out with groups of female friends and I would be the only one not approached by men.

I have spent a lot of time wondering what it is about me. I am now thinking I might come across as asexual. I am definitely not asexual.

This is all quite difficult to express accurately because I don't want to leave you all with the impression that I desire to live in a carry on film or something.

Have those those of you who don't get male attention managed to form relationships?

Man, I jump to read this thread so fast!
Thought I found my people.
Sorry op, but if you have had five relationships at your young age, you really can’t be that bad.
If you don’t see that, let my just say I’m older than you and have never been asked or had a date.
How sad is that!

Whenever I read comments sayin they are happy to invisible (older/later in life) I always wonder if they’d be so happy about if they had been so always.
And to have to live their lives alone too.
I doubt it.

Totally agree!

I am very ordinary with mousey hair but I have always got male attention when my hair is longer and blonder.

When I divorced aged 50 I had a new lease of life and grew my hair and got my eyelashes done and generally glammed up a bit and I got more attention than I ever had in my life. It was a lot of effort though and I didn’t keep it up.

I have a stunning friend who is 6ft tall with blonde hair and she can literally stop traffic. If you walk in to a place with her, people look around. It’s a completely different reaction to one I have ever had!

'Now I'm in my 40s I'm obviously not attractive as when I was younger '. That's the saddest thing I've read in a while. You're saying that only youth can be beautiful and you buy into the whole 'losing your looks'.

I've got a small build, particularly in the top half, to the point where I'd physically blend in with y7s and y8s at work, and even had a collegue start telling me off and sending me out of the lunchtime detention I was hosting before I corrected her. I've held onto a school girl look for a long time- more Hermione Granger than Britany Spears! I did not wear white shirts or black jackets because it wasn't worth the risk of being told off for not wearing a tie!

In my 20s, I'd have to stand my ground to maintain my place in queues or people would go in front of me, or the cashier would attempt to serve the person behind me assuming I was a child with another customer. The worst one was at 20 in a bar, where I could not get served and took over half an hour. The people around me came and went many times over. By the time I finally had got my drink, my friends were nowhere to be seen and I had to neck the bloody thing and go into the street to phone up to find out where they'd moved on to. As it had been half 10, they'd assumed that I'd quietly slipped away to catch the bus.

I'm glad I haven't had a huge amount of attention from random men in a sexual way. I got with DH in my early 20s anyway so I spent very little time looking. The time that I was assualted was by an aquaintence in a private space. Afterwards it turned out that he had a magazine collection favouring the "just legal" look, so I fitted with his end of the market 🤢

It is annoying when it's a regular struggle to be noticed as a functional adult though. Things like being Run Director with the hi-viz on, and men will still ask questions literally over my head to another volunteer.
The only plus side is that in my 40s, I can still feign that the householder isn't in when cold callers strike. I was recently mistaken for the sister of my 10 & 12 year olds... I was in my 30s when they were born!
Even then while very swollen from fluids and yellow from complications, the MW was very confused by my 1980s DoB on the paperwork and tripple checking that it was right as she was expecting to see 1990s and expressed her surprise.

Men can be really superficial... Im not ugly but i remember a really pretty girl at school always had male attention...as she got older she still did, she can't help that, she wasnt very nice though..however it was the men that made me feel ick...theyd be mean(showing true colours)to women who were deemed 'not so pretty ' ... But to this one woman they used to be like a servant lol... changing personality ..yes men...eyes popping out head, tongue out..making out they were really nice, when they were complete dicks really. Im glad im not beautiful as beautiful is conveyed

In my younger days I found that the only times I got much male attention was where I think it wouldn't have mattered who I was as long as I was female and youngish (eg sleezy older men, pissed bloke on the train etc) and if anything the fact that I clearly wasn't comfortable with it encouraged them.

All of my friends seemed to get far more attention than me from normal men of around our age- in fact when we were out as a group it often felt like I was invisible. Looking back I can see that (other than a couple of really beautiful friends who would have got attention from men whatever they did and whether they wanted it or not) the difference was mainly due to how we acted around men. Most of my friends would react to almost any man as though they were the most interesting, funny, intelligent, attractive, talented person in the world. They would also act 'ditsy' and 'girlie' (for want of better words) and never disagree with the man (unless it was done in a silly/cutesty way). I tended to treat men like I would any other person. The result was that I often had male friends that I'd got to know over time through a shared interest but on nights out/amongst large groups etc I was pretty much ignored. At one stage in my mid 20s I tried to me more like my friends and ended up in an awful relationship with someone who was clearly wrong for me.

I had quite a bit when I was younger but totally glad it's over now.

Blonde hair and big boobs, I look ok with makeup but really pretty nondescript without it.

I was never receptive to the attention, in fact I hated it, there was an auto electrical garage next to our works and the owner asked if I'd do some modelling for him, (gross) I started using the other street, so I didn't walk past him.

I suppose I got average amounts of male attention but I do remember when I was a teenager I used to wear an old 60s swimming costume as a top (it was the 90s).

It had cups in it so it looked like I had much bigger boobs than I did in real life. The male attention really weirded me out - men literally gave me things!
Even the cute shy boy in the record shop went out of his way to be friendly and helpful where he'd usually been polite and reserved. Put me off him TBH!

Same here. Never had any attention.

That isn't the kind of attention you want. Any man that gives you that kind of attention probably isn't one worth being in a relationship with.

You said you have had 5 meduium-long term relationships? On average how long is that? What age did you start being involved in relationships? I think 5 isn't an abnormal amount.

I used to get attention when I was slim, now fatter and in my 50's I don't. I didn't used to like it though, and neither did my friends.

The shocking thing to me is when I head out with my daughter in her 20's. Men are disgusting, the staring is so uncomfortable, its incredibly obvious and even her partner has noticed how much unwanted attention she attracts. He's never had the issue with other partners.
On a night out with her last year some dirty old man, old enough to be my granddad let alone her was letching all over her, it was disgusting and took me all my time not to confront him. He moved from the bar to standing right beside her, brushing himself against her, it really was grim.
That same night, being a new face in a different town she had six men approach and hit on her, she told each of them she wasn't interested and to go away she was spending time with family. Two backed off and four insisted on hanging around, chatting to me, trying to include themselves in our conversation and desperately trying to get her to have a drink or go outside with them. Eventually I told one of them to sod off she has a partner. My daughter was annoyed with me, and rightly so, these men should be backing off because she said NO, not because she's already taken.

I don't think it was that bad for me, I just brushed them off and ignored and over the years I guess there were one or two that kept pestering and wouldn't take no for an answer but they weren't all in one night!

You said you have had 5 meduium-long term relationships? I think 5 isn't an abnormal amount.

This is what I was saying.
Isin’t 5 relationships a great success?
That 5 men who liked, cared, wanted to spend time with a person, share a life for a bit, listen to her, did nice things with and for her.

I think that’s a real good run?

How many relationships is average / seen as a good run?

That isn't the kind of attention you want. Any man that gives you that kind of attention probably isn't one worth being in a relationship with.

Well said.

I used to in my 20s, when I was all long dark hair and big boobs, then I cut my hair my short, and it was like I became invisible. Which I'm not complaining about.

I did when I was younger and had long blonde hair. I had a lot of lads fancying me when I was a teenager but not much as an adult, but I got married at 19 and have been married over 36 years now, so maybe I just give off a not interested vibe, and now I am old grey and fat😁

I had exactly the same experience. Doesnt make a difference what size i have been. I am always regarded as a 'mate' by men, rather than someone they find attractive. I used to get very down about it when I was younger, but now I am 50 I am actually very relieved. Last thing I want is men leering at me or trying to flirt. Mind you despite being married, I have always found most men to be a bit boring and needing to have their egos stroked regularly does my head in.

I don't believe you've had no male attention being slim (even at 11st) and with big boobs. It's actually insulting to people who are genuinely struggling with their looks. It's probably just not attention from men your age or ones you consider handsome.

I've never had much attention from men either. As a younger person I wasn't unattractive, I was averagely good looking, not ugly, nothing special but I was incredibly shy and a bit arty/quirky so didn't dress or act 'like other girls' my age. I also have always had big boobs and fluctuating weight (between 8 and 11 stone too) and boys at school teased me about it relentlessly. I also have a very beautiful, confident, funny and kind, blonde haired blue eyed best friend, who's always had men (and women) fawning over her to be her friend or her lover. I've always just been there in the background. We laugh about it because it's so obvious. I do find that it's not just men. Women do this too. Everyone wants to be friends with the attractive women and tend to ignore people who don't fit the standard of beautiful.

I don't want male attention so it doesn't bother me. I've not struggled to have relationships because I also go for the less conventionally attractive man. What I do want is to be treated with respect by both men and women.

What a stupid and insulting reply. Who are you to say the OP isn't genuinely struggling with her looks? She even said she is!! Big boobs doesn't automatically mean men throw them selves at you or treat you like a human.