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Original poster

Would you tell the school your child isn’t doing detention in this situation?

338 replies

beeonmybonnett · 10/10/2023 18:43

my DD is in Y13 and has got an after school detention due to being late to one of her subject classes two times in the same week. She was only a few minutes late on both occasions - no more than 5 minutes.

In normal circumstances, I would agree with the detention as she should not be being late, I know it happens occasionally as we can get held up at times, but there are no excuses for her being late twice in such a short period of time.

However, the reason I am annoyed at her getting this detention is because the teacher of the subject class she was late to, and is getting the detention as a result of it, is late to class quite often.

For example, DD tells me that the teacher is usually 5-10 minutes late every Monday afternoon when they have that class after lunch. So clearly the teacher has problems getting from the staff room to the classroom in time for the start of the lesson?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for my dd to be spoken to and warned about being late, but I find it absolutely pathetic that this teacher has recommend her head of year give her a detention when the teacher in question is guilty of the same thing - is it not a bit hypocritical?

Not sure why they think this teacher’s lunch break is more important than her a level class but if the student is late then it’s the end of the world.

I’m not sure on how to proceed with this one, but I genuinely feel like ringing the school and telling them to withdraw the detention unless they’re going to discipline the teacher for being late!

OP posts:
Somaliwildass · 10/10/2023 21:42

beeonmybonnett · 10/10/2023 19:23

Ok so, yesterday, this teacher showed up late and they were starting a new topic.

They didn’t get much of the work done, because yet again, the teacher was late. 15 minutes late, and then had to go through a massive PowerPoint which basically took up the whole 35 minutes they were there for. They didn’t get onto the other tasks that were meant to be done during that lesson.

DD has the initiative to go into the room and sit down and get on with work whilst she waits, but it’s really not good enough.

Show quote history

Oh god, the teacher had to 'go through a massive PowerPoint', which might also be seen as TEACHING; introducing new material, teaching new vocab, questioning, explaining, making pupils think, checking understanding.... Having planned a lesson and prepared suitable resources for the pupils in the class, the teacher is qualified to deliver the lesson how she sees fit.

The kids 'didn't get onto [sic] the other tasks that were meant to be done'. And how would they know that the teacher didn't monitor their knowledge and make necessary changes based on their attainment, like she's qualified to do?

AnnaTortoiseshell · 10/10/2023 21:44

I can’t imagine thinking that a 17 year old’s time was as important as a teacher’s. Incredible 😂

Donotshushme · 10/10/2023 22:24

Isn't she a bit old for mummy to be fighting her battles for her?

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Hemera2023 · 10/10/2023 22:57

OP YABU.
You are making the assumption that this teacher’s only job is to teach your child, when in fact they will have many other responsibilities.

The teachers I know don’t have ‘lunch breaks’ - they are on lunch duty, or running a club, or having a meeting, or mentoring a trainee teacher, or running catch-up sessions, or phoning parents, and so on. Also our school has split lunches so not everyone has the same lunch breaks.
Never mind the random behaviour/safeguarding/medical issues that arise every day and have to be fully documented.

The idea that your daughter knows the schedules of all the teachers is ridiculous. As is the idea that you have a right to know why the teacher was late.

By Year 13 your daughter should be able to work independently when a teacher is absent, and also to deal with these issues herself instead of getting you involved.

Also sorry to tell you but teenagers lie a lot! You wouldn’t believe some of the whoppers I’ve heard. I think they almost believe it themselves. I do feel sorry for the parents when you have to tell them the truth.

ConnieTucker · 10/10/2023 22:57

Have you considered going to the local newspaper about the unjust detention for being five minutes late? With sad faces?

mathanxiety · 10/10/2023 22:59

Somaliwildass · 10/10/2023 21:26

Your child attends the sixth form, so she follows their rules or suffers the consequences set out. You can't step in for a 17 or 18 year old and say they're not doing a detention. Tell her she needs to be on time and support the sanction every time.

I highly doubt the teacher is late weekly, and in any case, they are working. If a meeting overruns or a duty point can't be left, you'd think a bunch of a level students could occupy themselves, reading independently, discussing the issues from class or checking each others' responses to work set for homework without being watched. They're almost adults.

You argue on the one hand that they're sixth formers so they have to agree without question to rules designed for ten year olds, and on the other hand that they should be capable of basically teaching themselves - because they're sixth formers.

Aside altogether from the contradiction of imposing rules and punishments as if these young people were small children while expecting them to behave like adults, what exactly is the teacher's role here if the students can read independently, check each other's work, conduct discussions, and in short, teach themselves?

Obviously, the teacher being late, even on a daily basis, wouldn't make any difference at all in this scenario.

Livelovebehappy · 10/10/2023 23:04

Big mistake believing everything your child says when they are trying to justify their behaviour. I’ll bet the teacher isn’t late by 10 minutes multiple times, although might be a few minutes occasionally. And I’ll also bet your daughter hasn’t been late to lessons just the two times.

Myfabby · 10/10/2023 23:11

2weekstowait · 10/10/2023 19:58

Never heard of a detention in 6th Form.

My son's school has a recurring scheduled detention on Saturday morning when lessons normally start later. The timing is such an excellent deterrent that my son has only suffered it once.

As for calling up the school, I am just stumped. I would feel incredibly foolish and would undoubtedly be put in my place ASAP if I as much as tried to do that!

Coldcaller · 10/10/2023 23:13

If rules apply to a 11 year old year 7 then they should equally apply to a 17 year old year 13 Child ! I thought. year 13 pupils are supposed to mature enough to study on their own or not to try to get one over a teacher who is there for their good.

If i was the school i would make your DD do the detention with a bunch of year 9's highlighting her immaturity. A year 13 girl should just shake her head and get on an do the Detention.

Testina · 10/10/2023 23:13

Y13 and you’re still that parent?
Did you adopt her later in life or have just got really good stamina?

OppsUpsSide · 10/10/2023 23:17

No I wouldn’t want to infantilise and embarrass my DD like that.

Myfabby · 10/10/2023 23:18

Coldcaller · 10/10/2023 23:13

If rules apply to a 11 year old year 7 then they should equally apply to a 17 year old year 13 Child ! I thought. year 13 pupils are supposed to mature enough to study on their own or not to try to get one over a teacher who is there for their good.

If i was the school i would make your DD do the detention with a bunch of year 9's highlighting her immaturity. A year 13 girl should just shake her head and get on an do the Detention.

Year 13 prefect no less. sigh

DueyCheatemAndHow · 10/10/2023 23:48

Jesus I'm so glad I'm not a teacher anymore and don't have to deal with this shit.

Snugglemonkey · 10/10/2023 23:59

Honestly, you sound like a teenager op. She deserves the detention.

lemmein · 11/10/2023 00:18

They give 18 year olds detentions? Shock

theduchessofspork · 11/10/2023 00:23

Your DD says the teacher is late.

Maybe she is and maybe she isn’t - take that up separately with the year head.

But if your daughter has been late twice in a week then some sort of censure is fair enough. Don’t be a dick about it or teach your daughter to be a dick.

TheCompactPussycat · 11/10/2023 00:38

Puncturedbicycle85 · 10/10/2023 19:40

I teach, though at a uni rather than school. My timetabling is such that I cannot physically get across campus to my next class without being late. Think Ross from Friends with his rollerblades. I am not being lazy and it is the same every single class. Because I simply cannot cover that distance in the time I have. Tell your daughter to learn some manners and don't be that embarrassing parent who phones the school about this.

But your students know that, yes? You've explained to them that you cannot get to their class until x minutes after the start time. They know not to expect you at the start and know that therefore either they also don't need to be there at the start, or they do and have a specific task to do. At least I hope that conversation would have taken place.

This should happen with teachers in Y13 too. If it is a regular occurrence, the students should know that their teacher will be late and what they need to do whilst they are waiting. That's a conversation teachers should be having with their classes.

Stompythedinosaur · 11/10/2023 01:52

I'm amazed any sensible adult things this way.

The teacher is an adult employee who is likely late because they are undertaking work elsewhere in the building.

The student is not and does not have the same level of discretion.

You may have noticed that the teacher also doesn't have to wear school uniform or hand in homework, does that seem unfair to you also? They aren't colleagues!

mjf981 · 11/10/2023 02:05

You need to take your nose out of this and let her get on with it. She's almost 18. Life isn't always 'fair', and the sooner she learns this the better. With your meddling and attitude, you're setting her up for a disappointing start to adulthood. Do the crime, do the time.

Flatandhappy · 11/10/2023 03:59

Another parent who has taught her kid that all she has to do is run to mummy and mummy will make sure she doesn’t have to do something she doesn’t want to. Nice work.

ThrallsWife · 11/10/2023 04:27

I am late every lesson after lunch. Because every lunch time I have been placed on duty. My duty is the other end of school in a place where the kids like to dawdle, but it is my responsibility to ensure they've all left the area before I get to lessons.

When I raised with the powers that be that I cannot do this and be at my room on time to meet and greet as we're expected to, I got a shrug and something about staffing levels.

So I'm late. Your daughter is finding an excuse to cover up her own wrongs. You're trying to find something to complain about.

Trust me, teachers who are always late because they cannot be arsed to get on with things don't stay in teaching for long.

Tourmalines · 11/10/2023 04:32

Sounds like helicopter parenting . Probably putting anxiety into the daughter also by acting that way .

Annony331 · 11/10/2023 04:36

Your daughter was late and regardless of the teachers time keeping breached the school rules twice. Had the teacher been on time it would still breach the same rule.

If you think the teacher is late and your child is missing out, this is separate to the detention and worth mentioning for SLT to deal with.

TeeBee · 11/10/2023 04:37

The detention is to teach your child to be on time. It is to help her. Maybe if the teacher had received the same treatment, she would would have better time keeping. Allow your child to learn the lessons n. The teachers lateness is her bosses' business.

mathanxiety · 11/10/2023 04:37

AngelinaFibres · 10/10/2023 21:07

When your and Ops offspring go to university you will not be involved in any of it. You will not be able to contact the university to discuss your child, because they are 18 and an adult. You will not be able to talk to their tutors or dispute any grades you feel are unfair.You will not have any idea whether your young person is anywhere near a lecture hall or tutor room or underneath another student in a smelly bedroom somewhere .You will not know whether they are making best use of the experience or peeing it up a wall. The sixth form years are good practice for this. It will come as less of a shock if you let her deal with it maturely and politely, herself. You will be able to have 2 tickets for graduation. Otherwise the 3 years of uni will be absolutely none of your business. Start giving it a go now. It'll be so much easier in the long run, for everyone.

Show quote history

All five of my DCs have graduated from university at this point.

They were lucky enough to attend a school where their teachers were held to a high standard of general professional deportment, including attendance for the entire duration of class, and thanks to adequate staffing, properly planned scheduling, and a system where teachers occupied their own rooms and students moved from room to room throughout the day, they were able to prioritise their central role, i.e. teaching their students.

'Do what I say, not what I do' is nothing more than a silly exercise in pulling rank. I'm not sure what role such pointlessness is supposed to play and what it is supposed to achieve in a school apart from pulling rank for its own sake.

I'm guessing a general disrespect for rules isn't one of the goals the school is hoping to achieve here, but it seems to me it has had that effect all the same.