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Original poster

Was this rude?

72 replies

Mayango · 08/10/2023 07:51

A friend messaged me to ask “What are you up to next Saturday evening?”.
I replied: “Not sure. I might have something planned, need to check. Why?”
Friend invited me and dh to their house for the evening, presumably for dinner and drinks.
I replied: “I’m not in the mood sorry”.

Is this rude?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 08/10/2023 07:53

Yes. Is this a reverse ?

AgentProvocateur · 08/10/2023 07:53

Yes, in the normal world. But probably not in MN world.

Chestnutz · 08/10/2023 07:54

Yes. I would have phrased slightly differently. But full marks for honesty.

Adviceplease2314 · 08/10/2023 07:55

Yes, it’s rude. You could have replied with ‘Thank you for the invite but we’ve got loads on at the moment and need a night in, we’ll arrange something else soon’.

shakeitoffsis · 08/10/2023 07:55

Extremely rude

piintheski · 08/10/2023 07:56

depends on your relationship, and on the reason you are not in the mood. I have very close friends we could say this to each other, and not such close friends we couldn't

piintheski · 08/10/2023 07:58

In fact, have a close friend who said very similar to me last week, when I invited her over after she got a cancer diagnosis - she was perfectly within her rights to say that to me, it didn't even register as potentially rude until I saw this thread

KaySararSarar · 08/10/2023 07:58

If a friend responded like you did, doubt I’d invite them over again. YABU

Crunchymum · 08/10/2023 08:02

Rude and unnecessary.

You need to team up with the poster who doesn't believe in saying thank you!!!

LoobyDop · 08/10/2023 08:04

Were those the exact words you used? If so then yes, incredibly rude. If you said that to me I’d recategorise you as a “novelty friend”- e.g. I’d stay friends with you if you made me laugh, but I wouldn’t spend much one on one time with you, or expect or offer any kind of emotional support. Only my brothers get to be that brutally honest, and that’s only because I’m stuck with them.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 08/10/2023 08:04

Yes it us rude

MorrisWallpaper · 08/10/2023 08:05

You’d have to have a tin ear for tone not to recognise this as rude.

LoobyDop · 08/10/2023 08:06

One of the reasons it’s breathtakingly rude is that you clearly have no idea what mood you’ll be in in a week’s time, so you were effectively saying you’re never in the mood to do that.

DameEtna · 08/10/2023 08:07

Yes it's rude because you've said you're not in the mood to see your friend. Implying there's something about your friend that you're not in the mood for.

Would have been less rude to say you already had something booked that night, you are unwell etc - ie something about YOU.

CaribbeanCupcake · 08/10/2023 08:08

It sounds like you were basically saying "what you gonna offer me?" Then when your friend invited you to hers it's not good enough so you're saying so.
Unbelievably rude response. How do you know you're not in the mood in a weeks time?

dudsville · 08/10/2023 08:10

Ffs, you put all the effort into your first reply to line up your socially acceptable response, "sorry i have plans". Why didn't you use it?

MrsDrSpencerReid · 08/10/2023 08:14

Incredibly rude, especially since the invite was a week away.

Finnia · 08/10/2023 08:15

As PP pointed out, you won’t know what mood you’re gonna be in next week, so is it that you’d never be up for visiting her? In that case well done, she probably won’t invite you over again and you can avoid these situations in future (although I think it might be a reverse so if your friend did that to you then I’d recommend leaving the ball in her court for now).

ColleenDonaghy · 08/10/2023 08:16

Very rude, unless there's a wide context about you currently being in some sort of crisis and that's why you were invited - like the friend in PP's post who's having cancer treatment or if you've had a recent bereavement.

If it's just a normal invitation and things are settled right now, then very rude.

Reverse?

usedtobeasizeten · 08/10/2023 08:19

piintheski · 08/10/2023 07:58

In fact, have a close friend who said very similar to me last week, when I invited her over after she got a cancer diagnosis - she was perfectly within her rights to say that to me, it didn't even register as potentially rude until I saw this thread

Well, presumably no-one in the OP’s scenario had recently had a cancer diagnosis, and wasn’t feeling up to socialising, I’d say it was completely different and very rude…

whosaidtha · 08/10/2023 08:21

Why on earth did you lay the rejection of the offer groundwork if you weren't going to use it. Your first text was clearly 'I want to know why before I say if I'm free' and then you didn't even say you already had plans. Why??? Why say the first thing then?

PunjabiGirl · 08/10/2023 08:22

Yeah it was the "Why?" And then the "Not in the mood" that was rude. Maybe a bit of tact next time and just say you're busy.

VisionsOfSplendour · 08/10/2023 08:25

If this isn't a reverse then it goes without saying that you are rude and how are you able to predict your mood days ahead?

TheMerryWidow1 · 08/10/2023 08:26

How did the friend respond after that? I would feel very hurt by yr response, yr not in the mood for their company.

Almondmum · 08/10/2023 08:29

Exactly what whosaidtha posted. It almost feels like a deliberately rude reply - like you actually went out of your way to be rude.