Anyone else feel divided about where to spend Christmas each year? I feel really guilty even writing this, but i dread going to the in-laws. My parents are 3.5 hours away and the in-laws are 6 hours away.
We feel we ought to spend it with them this year because we didn’t go to them the last two years. DH’s sister hosted last year and the year before they chose to spend it alone due to covid fears.
My son isn’t good with long car journeys, so we would need to spend more time driving or break overnight. The in-laws are evangelical Christians, so Christmas for them is only a religious holiday and subsequently there isn’t much festive cheer or even decorations. I’m certainly not bothered about presents but it’s quite a solemn day. Is it selfish to be even thinking of my toddler? Secondly, FIL is on the autism spectrum, so he doesn’t interact with my son. He wouldn’t, for example, share a game with him, help with dressing or feeding. He also struggles to participate in conversation or respond to social norms, so it means getting cornered by his monologues relating to his interests only (roofing materials, motorway data, local council stuff). I really sympathise because this isn’t somebody who’s being rude, it’s just the way his brain works – it’s just that it makes our Christmas break feel quite stilted.
Meanwhile, MIL is a bit passive aggressive. I don’t think it’s malicious, but because they’re both very set in their ways, she can’t help make little remarks when we do things that are not exactly to the lifestyle. She will likely spend Christmas Eve and Boxing Day running their local food bank which I admire but secretly wish she’d make more time for her grandson. I feel horrible because maybe Christmas is about sacrifice and spending it with your family, but I would just love to relax instead.
Another option is we rent an Airbnb or something near their house so we have our own space. Or, we spend it with my parents. They have a tiny house with not much space or money but loads of cheer and love and fun and help. But I would just feel guilty going there twice in a row.
We offered to host the in-laws, but they don’t want to do that because they like their own home and don’t want to put their dogs in kennels. I’m a bit stuck between feeling duty-bound and kind of wanting my own Christmas break. Btw my husband’s view is he really doesn’t want to go.
Am I missing another option?