Did being a poor child lead you to be a overly worried about money as an adult?

[overthinkersanonnymus]

I have an issue that I think maybe unusual, or maybe it's not?

I have a fairly good job, a home that's mortgaged, car that's paid for and a husband to split to the bills with.

This makes me very fortunate but....I can't seem to settle with the stability. I worry so much about losing my job, losing my home, not being able to feed myself.

I've put off having my own children for so long in the anticipation that one day, I'll be left alone with nothing again. I never buy myself anything but I am generous with the little bit I do have. I'm currently paying for my sister's car payments as she's on her own and struggling to keep afloat. I like being able to do this as a sort of karma thing? The thought process is if I help, I may get help if I need it in the future from the "universe". I also love her very much so I don't mind at all. The cost of living crisis has sent me spiralling in to overly worrying about her too.

I was poor as a child, abusive alcoholic dad etc then had a short spell of homelessness in my late teens. Hosels, sofa surfing where I wasn't really wanted and for too long. I always remember never having any money. I mean NO money to get the bus for 19 miles in to town (which was 22p at the time) to even get to the job centre. And I'll always remember the feeling of having no where to call home, everywhere I stayed was someone else's home - even our childhood home. My mum, sister and I were repeatedly reminded that we lived in "his" house. Cunt. Anyway lol....

Does anyone else have odd anxieties like this or am I completely insane 😂

We had less than my friends because my DM refused to work. We rarely had a holiday or a car. We never had central heating or a VCR. I never went on the school holiday trips. My DF worked so hard but of course even then it needed two incomes.

I was always inventive with what I did have and I worked from 14. But I always felt less than.

I based alot of my decisions on money and was stuck alot of the time in bad situations or made the wrong choices. I didn't have the financial back up.

When my DS was small we were poor and I was white with fear.

I'm financially secure now but I've worried all my life about money. I haven't got a good relationship with it. I want to pay off my mortgage and then maybe I will feel better. I don't know and I don't know what the answer is. Like the poster up thread how much money would take the feeling away?

I also grew up poor.

What it taught me was resilience, independence, responsibility and reliability.

I did it once, I can do it again.

I have a nice home, mortgage, car paid off. I don’t have any debts or credit cards.

I know what I have in my bank account.

I think it can go either way. DH and I were both brought up poor. My parents are still very poor; his are now what I would consider middle class (but this came about when he was near enough an adult).

It's made me incredibly grateful for what I have now - I would never have dreamed as a child that I would be in a position one day to be able to get an occasional takeaway, or have my hair cut at the hairdresser instead of doing it myself. I definitely never thought I'd have a mortgage and a home to call my own. We're not wealthy by any stretch - we have to meal plan carefully and stick to a very frugal food budget. Our car needs work that we can't afford, as does the house. Almost everything we own we got second hand. But I honestly wake up and go to bed most days feeling like I've won the jackpot. And I take comfort knowing that if we do need to cut back further I've lived enough of my life on rice and lentils and wearing my shoes until they had holes in that I could do it again.

DH is the opposite. He is constantly worried about whether we have enough and whether some calamity is going to befall us that will consume our meagre savings and mean we lose our home. It really impacts his ability to enjoy what we have.

I don't know what makes the difference. My parents did really ingrain an attitude of thankfulness and generosity in us even though they had very little - maybe that has contributed. They had come from even poorer backgrounds (think 1 meal a day) and were grateful just to have a roof over their heads and enough to eat.

Yes. Grew up in a council house full of furniture other people were throwing out and having to find 50p to put in the electric meter. What money my parents had was squandered on alcohol and cigarettes - my father was in and out of work several times a year due partly to the nature of his work as a welder (sorry term contracts all over the UK) and partly due to him falling out with people all the time.

The most obvious way it had affected me is that I never have a list of things I want to buy - I just don't think about buying or owning things, I never have any aspirations or dreams that involve spending money. I remember at school when a teacher would start taking about "the upcoming trip to..." - I would just switch off knowing that it didn't apply to me - honestly I didn't mind and never felt that I was missing out - even looking back I have no feelings about it - I don't feel I missed out or was hard done to. My wife OTOH felt quite differently - she's from a one parent family (father died when she was 12) - 3 kids, mum in a low paid job - they struggled - she was far more acutely aware, at the time, that other kids had a lot more money and opportunity than she did: new school bags and coats, owned horses, holidays abroad, etc

So, we have lived very conservatively, paid other mortgage very early, etc and even though we are financially OK now I'm still very slow to spend money - my guitar for instance, is 25+ years old and extremely worn - I could spend £3k on a new one and not even notice the dent in my savings but - even though that's my main passion in life - I don't - even though I could. I only ever spend about £500-£1500 on a car - I just don't value or appreciate cars that much - I'd definitely prefer to spend more on a guitar - I've been saying I should get a new guitar for about 5 years but prefer second hand or used to new for most things - I don't hanker for shiney new things or the latest gadgets. So yes - when you see your parents writing and arguing about money and struggling - it does have an affect but I don't think everyone is affected in the same way. My wife is very careful and sensible with money but she will spend it on the things that she's thinks are important - I usually think we can make do and manage without but I've no problem with her decisions - in a way I'm quite glad she is a lot bolder and less self conscious about spending some of the money that we have.

I grew up very poor. Single parent with mental health issues, benefits, in and out of care. Child carer.

Now I earn 50k and so does my husband and we have a cheap rent and savings and 2 cars and foreign holidays, but I still buy yellow stickers and I'm obsessive about finding the cheapest deals and the lowest costs, and while I pay for anything my children need I find it very hard to spend money on myself. I wear cheap clothes and use cheap makeup.

I wish I could change and learn a better relationship with money. It's constant and its draining and I hate my mindset but its so inground in me to always save money and find the bargain and I can't help it.

Hmmm. DP and I grew up in differing levels of poverty. Him more so. He earns a very good wage and saves every penny he can, has no problem saying no and doesn't believe in finance. I have a very affordable car on finance, will buy it if I want it and struggle to say no because I remember being upset at hearing no all the time and felt I was always going without. That being said, when I do spend anything over £20 I feel sick but do it anyway "because I can". To sum up, I think it can go either way.

@overthinkersanonnymus I was not bought up with the level of deprivation you had but was taught you saved up before you buy. My family did move around the country and I completely get the sentiments about the security of owning your own home. I can assure you the relief when you finally pay the mortgage off is wonderful.

You also stated I have some small savings but my partner asks " what are you actually saving towards?" I don't know the answer to the question. You don’t have to know the answer to that question to know it’s the sensible thing to do. The answers I would give a) building up an emergency fund to cope with unexpected events b) my retirement - I’m a great believer of Financial Independence Retire Early (FIRE) even if you don’t retire early c) security - this is personal to each person but money meant security and freedom to me.

Uuurrgh I'm in the thick of a loop here about losing my job!

For no real reason, other than I'm having a bad day case wise, so this then makes me completely doubt my ability, so I'm convinced my boss will realize he's hired an absolute donkey, who isn't very good!

Then I'll lose my house and starve to death 🙃

I grew up poor. Barely any food and 2 outfits I had to wash daily. I don't worry too much about money. Although recently we had to dip into our saving for a car and that sent me over the edge a bit seeing it dip like that but generally day to day I don't

My problem is I over buy food and clothes. We have way too much of both. If there was a zombie apocalypse I reckon we could survive for at least 2 months. I want to change this though

I'm cautious with money and therefore it doesn't work as hard as it could for me. I'd rather have the certainty than the risk, even though the riskier option could be far better. And I don't like having any debt, I'd love to get the mortgage paid off.

But you can't live life worrying about what might go wrong. If anything, being poor as a child made me realise that I could manage on very little. My family were still happy. My dad has sod all money but he'd still give me his last penny. I think sometimes it's harder now I have more because of what I would lose and miss, but I know that I'd cope

I grew up poor, but with a loving family and a secure roof over our heads.
I do think that’s the difference.
My mother and grandmother were creative : always repurposing stuff, getting second hand clothes for free somewhere , collecting things other people put at the garbage. Making good food with the cheapest ingredients.

I can get back to that if i must! I know how to survive on very little. So i do not worry a lot, i have a backup plan in the back of my mind if necessary.