Did being a poor child lead you to be a overly worried about money as an adult?

[overthinkersanonnymus]

I have an issue that I think maybe unusual, or maybe it's not?

I have a fairly good job, a home that's mortgaged, car that's paid for and a husband to split to the bills with.

This makes me very fortunate but....I can't seem to settle with the stability. I worry so much about losing my job, losing my home, not being able to feed myself.

I've put off having my own children for so long in the anticipation that one day, I'll be left alone with nothing again. I never buy myself anything but I am generous with the little bit I do have. I'm currently paying for my sister's car payments as she's on her own and struggling to keep afloat. I like being able to do this as a sort of karma thing? The thought process is if I help, I may get help if I need it in the future from the "universe". I also love her very much so I don't mind at all. The cost of living crisis has sent me spiralling in to overly worrying about her too.

I was poor as a child, abusive alcoholic dad etc then had a short spell of homelessness in my late teens. Hosels, sofa surfing where I wasn't really wanted and for too long. I always remember never having any money. I mean NO money to get the bus for 19 miles in to town (which was 22p at the time) to even get to the job centre. And I'll always remember the feeling of having no where to call home, everywhere I stayed was someone else's home - even our childhood home. My mum, sister and I were repeatedly reminded that we lived in "his" house. Cunt. Anyway lol....

Does anyone else have odd anxieties like this or am I completely insane 😂

I was going to write a similar post about money worries tonight but I’m not poor and had a very secure and stable upbringing yet have the same worries. Not sure why. Constant talk of cost of living crisis doesn’t help. Hand hold through the screen- it’s crap! X

I have this anxiety.

I did not grow up poor but I grew up with parents that didn't manage their money well. It changed from 5* holidays to debt collectors at the door and back and forth.

Now even with a good job etc. I worry all the time. Even when something happens that is normal to worry about it will drive me to complete panic and anxiety. I don't think the current COL climate helps either tbh.

@etiquettey I suppose being a poor child is irrelevant in this climate. Whether you've experienced it or not, the loom of the cost of living could put anyone in dire straits, living pay day to pay day. And then the worry on top of that of maybe not having another payday at the end of next month terrifies me.

It makes me a needy employee. I'm a pain in my bosses arse 😂

I was poor as a child but wasn't homeless. I don't have those anxieties but I know people who weren't poor with that fear.

I had a very similar childhood to you and I do worry about not having enough money but I’m also a compulsive over spender. I’m trying to change but it’s hard. I have a lot of debt. I think I just enjoy having access to and spending money because I never used to have any. I also spend too much on food - my fridge and cupboards are always heaving as I was hungry so much as a child.

We lost our family business and our home in the 90s (I was in my teens)

I earn well but security is THE most important thing to me, and if we don't have enough savings/have too much debt I panic

I grew up on poverty and now have a very well paid job, lots of money left each month, but save it and find spending difficult. I do worry ill have nothing again. I initially wanted to save a years expenses for stability buy I've got way more than that now. I but what I need and we don't go without but I could probably let go a lot more.

Exactly. I literally worry all the time. We’ve had some totally normal expenses (like getting married) but I’m so worried about our finances in the future! We aren’t big earners (bout 60k ish between us) only one car payment of 250 a month and very low rental cost all things considered, it’s only 15% of our take home income. I just can’t sleep some nights as I picture myself sad and skint on future maternity leaves… what a ridiculous thought! People make it work don’t they.

I understand being stressed totally. Could you maybe do something extra on the side of your day job? It’s hard atm!

Yep! I grew up in poverty. It was pretty horrendous. I think even if I was a millionaire, I'd still worry about losing it all. Unless you've experienced it, I honestly don't think you can really understand the deep seated sense of vulnerability it leaves you with. Its lovely that you help your sister out. But if you can, live your life as you want to. Have kids if that's what you want. The fear will probably be there whatever so you may as well do the thongs you want to do!

@Pigeonqueen I get that. The thrill of having actual warbourtons bread in the bread in and real milk (not UTH) is like a Chanel bag to me 😂

I'm the opposite though and account for every penny. I have some small savings but my partner asks " what are you actually saving towards?" I don't know the answer to the question.

We weren't poor but my father was extremely careful with money, right down to the smallest things - we always had to buy 'yellow label' products, for instance (70s/80s equivalent of Tesco Value). If my sister or I wanted anything we had to save up for it, they'd never just buy us things that weren't essential. That attitude has definitely rubbed off on me. I find it hard to make up my mind to any larger purchases. My mobile phone hasn't been fully working for over a year but I can't bring myself to replace it because it will still do texts and calls!

Yes op I'm like this.

I think lockdown/covid had more of an impact on me.Worrying about having enough food in the cupboards has led to me needing to be fully stocked in all food cupboards,freezer,fridge etc and never having enough,whatever that is,and worrying when I can't afford to restock everything.I think the food/money stress has left scars on a lot of people.

I'm so glad that I'm not crazy 😂

I feel guilty for feeling like this because there are so many people really struggling.

@MrsMaudwatts hit the nail on the head. The vulnerability experienced was so frightening, shameful and unfair it's caused me to not enjoy what we have.

My mum was an alcoholic all my childhood (sober from my teens) we had our house repossessed & it was a very chaotic childhood.

I have saved & saved & saved. I have lovely clothes/shoes but most are 2nd hand - expensive stuff but I get it cheap. I don’t buy a car until I’ve saved for it & I paid my mortgage off(albeit on a small house) by 38. I have no desire to move/get a mortgage again. I have just booked a holiday (monthly DD) & it’s SO stressful having the responsibility.

I would be in turmoil if I had to depend on anyone else. I make sure I have always some savings.

There's a thing called poverty mindset. I remember the comedian Rob Beckett talking about it. The example he gave was at the beginning of lockdown he'd been commissioned to write a book, but his wife and children needed the laptop for home schooling. So he decided he'd wait to write the book til after they'd finished with it. He just couldn't bring himself to buy another one, even though he had plenty of money. The voice in his head wouldn't let him.

Yes.

It made me exceptionally cautious with money, but it also led me to become financially astute and a saver from an early age.

I could have written the same post, OP.

DH and I are frankly well off - no mortgage, no debts, put DD through private school without much trouble. We both have very well paying (at least in our area) jobs but at 50yo I'm still loathe to spend money at all extravagantly and certainly struggle to treat myself.

I go from one 'target' to another: 'must save enough that we'd be fine if we both lost our jobs and didn't work for a couple of years'. Then on to 'put enough into pensions so that if the worst comes to the worst we can get by with never working again', etc. I never manage to be relaxed and content with what we have.

But on the other hand, like you, I'm beyond generous with helping/treating others. I think it must be lack of self esteem; I'm just not worthy of having my own treats...

I grew up in a poor household and like you I was very aware of that, not least because my dad also made it clear the house was his in terms of calling all the shots, "while ever you live in MY house..." etc.

I would say financially very unstable environment with not loads of spare cash. We are mortgage free, very healthy income, good pot of savings and yet I still feel this quiet scream in my head that its not enough. I have a horrible feeling that it’ll one day just be gone. I think though that I will always feel a bit like this, it’s really discomforting. I try not to think too much about money, I know we are saving at a good rate but I get very anxious thinking too far ahead.

I grew up with a dad who never really had a 'proper' job and there was either plenty of money or none. When he was earning well he'd fritter it all instead of budgeting for the quiet times. I lost count of the amount of cars and pets we had that disappeared when the money went. Many times dinner was just a plate of baked beans and there was no heating or hot water or money for school supplies and trips. It was really unsettling as a child and made me determined to save and budget for rainy days and to always put my children's needs first. I'd say I'm pretty frugal almost to the point of being tight but if the dc really need something the money is there.

Having my mortgage paid is my life goal. It may take another 20 years but that's my aim. The security of knowing the roof over your head isn't going anywhere is priceless.

I'm so so jealous of anybody who is mortgage free. Stick your holidays and designer clothes, I need bricks and mortar!

I’m exactly the same. Grew up on a council estate, single parent family, free school meals, school uniform vouchers, the lot. When I was young, I was properly skint, with no bank of mum & dad safety net to fall back on. It’s something middle class people will just never, ever understand.

Now, I have a good job, I’m comfortably off with no dependents, my mortgage is paid off and I have substantial savings but I still really struggle to spend money on non-essentials. Frugality is just so deeply ingrained that I even have to talk myself into buying a coffee, and I wouldn’t dream of doing that every day because it adds up to £1000 wasted over a year.

My sister in law said to me the other day "money comes and money goes, you'll always be fine". I honestly could have punched her in the throat.

But DH and her have had a very different experience of life. Their parents are very supportive and do have money to fall back on, their mortgage was paid off when DH was in primary school by a relative.

For me, having grown up without enough money and then having enough as an adult and knowing what a massive difference it makes gives my a strong need to be in control of spending, especially now motherhood has limited my earning potential.

My DSis and I grew up in a home where there was very little spare cash. We used to envy our friends because their families had a car, a phone (landlines, this was before mobiles), holidays, new clothes, more toys. We resented having to wear hand-me-downs from distant cousins. The house was in a poor state of repair (we lived with our grandparents as both our divorced parents were shit at parenting).

DSis and I both now own our own homes and are fairly financially secure - can afford holidays, new clothes when needed, home repairs, can run a car each, etc. I am widowed, she is single. I work in education, she works in the NHS. However we have different attitudes to money. I am pretty laid back about it - I'm not extravagant but I don't count the pennies. If I want/need something and it's not too ridiculous I don't angst over buying it. My DSis has a lot of anxiety over money though. Even though she is fairly secure and has paid off her mortgage she is always angsting about money, complaining things cost too much or are a rip-off. I don't know why our attitudes are so different.