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Original poster

Send help. Too many Aldi sugar free gums

83 replies

Houseplanter · 05/10/2023 22:12

I really should have heeded the warnings..

How long will it last?!

OP posts:

TheseLegsDefinitelyUsedToBeLonger · 06/10/2023 21:15

Kittensat36 · 06/10/2023 21:03

I was once a bit unwise with sugar free wine gums. next day, the wind was so bad, I actually passed out on the bus.

Then the theme to Hawaii 5-0 started up and I surfed off on a poonami so big I had to gather my skirt up between my legs (yay for a black maxi-dress). Fortunately, I was near my Mum's when it happened.

😂 Thanks for that - I’m sniggering here trying not to wake up my other half! 😂

Original poster

Houseplanter · 06/10/2023 21:32

😂😂

Thank you for the laughs and stories. Have really cheered me up

OP posts:

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 06/10/2023 21:52

timetorefresh · 06/10/2023 19:36

They have crisps in America that are fried in oil the body can't absorb (or at least they did 20 years ago and I doubt it's changed). Some back packing friends and I were sharing a bag, without realising and some kind stranger pointed it out to us. We read the back of the bag and it said "may cause anal leakage". They needed it in big writing on the front

May cause anal leakage is making me laugh more than it probably should.
I've heard about those crisps though, olestra I think it's called?

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PurpleSoap · 07/10/2023 06:20

I did this with sugar free chocolate. The worst thing is, I knew the sugar free gummy bear story and I still ate it. 😳

I spent the entire afternoon curled up in the living room absolutely miserable. Must have dashed to the loo at least 20 times and I'm surprised the shockwaves didn't break the toilet.

Flatmates were sympathetic but I suspect they secretly thought I was a twit.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 07/10/2023 10:55

Dulcolax pico liquid results in a similar exp

But does it taste like gummy bears? If it doesn't, there is literally no point in anybody ever buying it!

If you've ever been given Metformin (aka Getstormin') by your GP, that's pretty much the same thing - except they never seem to tell you that it's a powerful laxative they're prescribing, even if you don't need laxatives at all.

The supposed idea is that it helps you lose weight by making fat unable to cling to your insides, but in reality, it basically makes you lose weight by rendering you absolutely terrified to eat anything. It does fulfil its brief (whilst full-filling your briefs, if you're not very careful and don't leave the house) - but only in the same way that chopping your head off will cure acne.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 07/10/2023 10:57

'May cause anal leakage' is a classic. It's a kind of 'nice' euphemism for 'will make you shit yourself' that doesn't actually sound nice at all!

ShitMermaid · 07/10/2023 11:12

From now on I will say I had an anal leak instead of saying I shit myself.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 07/10/2023 11:16

But it's just another way of sidestepping saying the truth that sounds just as bad!

It's not in the league of the classic Bowdlerising 'bad tummy problems', which at least does maintain a little of the mystery. As Roy Walker would have said, 'anal leakage' is EXACTLY 'saying what you see'

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