Child hit son. Advice

[Reginaldperrin]

The child in question has an autism diagnosis. This is the fourth time the child has attacked my son in the last year and the half.

On the last occasion I emailed the school to ask what precautions they were putting into place to stop this behaviour. They said that the boy was going to have one to one supervision in the playground going forward. The child has also been taken out of the main class during the day because of disruptive behaviour during lessons.

On Monday during break time the child somehow ran out of the room that he was meant to be in, went into the playground and started hitting my son. Son turned around to see who it was and got punched on the nose

I received a call from the teacher who said they were very sorry and that an investigation will take place as to why this happened. I feel like there’s not much more I can do.

I’ve told my son that it’s not acceptable to be hit, and it’s not right whatever the circumstance. ( He’s very aware of the child’s diagnosis and understanding of it). Son was ok but a bit she’ll shocked. They’re 9.

Is there anything else I can do?

Just bumping in case

Very similar scenario over here.

I was also given all the promises of better supervision etc, child still attacked my child.

I was very understanding especially due to the aggressive child's SEN diagnosis but on the fourth occasion where I said to the principal - if it happens again I'll find his mum on the playground and do the same to her. It's clearly acceptable - so I'll go to town.

It's not my finest moment but it did stop.

In your case - threaten with going to the governers and ofsted as they clearly can't keep your child safe. And I'm sorry that's happened.

Thank you for replying. We really like the school, and I’m nervous about getting into a confrontation with them. But you’re right I think I do need to go in harder because it’s not acceptable.

I'd be wanting a meeting with the head now, 4x is unacceptable. There's a safeguarding issue and that's unacceptable and that it's not being taken seriously. Should the child be in mainstream school? He may not be getting whAt he needs and may get a better schooling and support system in a specialist school? (I say that with 2 ND children myself)
Good luck!

I think you’ve been more than reasonable, I would keep a record of assaults and communications and contact the Governors.

I would also see if your son wants to start a martial arts/boxing class. My 5 year old enjoys her class and there are some parents who train in the class too. It gives good self esteem.

I’m not trying to be over dramatic but I think he runs the risk of being traumatised. Imagine if an adult told us this was happening in their workplace, that every so often when they’re typing up a document someone comes and lamps them. We’d be horrified and we wouldn’t expect them to be able to get back to their typing. It sounds like he shouldn’t be in mainstream education and kicking up a fuss might help school be able to force the issue.

Oh and ask for an appointment with the head.

just keeping kicking up a fuss at the school. The school can do very little, but every contact from you gives them more to fight with.

Once the child is 10, go straight to the police if he touches your child, and make sure the school knows you are going to do this

I agree. I was saying to DH last night that it doesn’t seem right to just be so accepting of it (even though we did register a complaint before).

The school did put in provisions to prevent it happening again, which is why I don’t want to go in all guns blazing. But equally it seems unfair on son to do nothing.

Thanks @hateherfordying this is helpful

After this happening to my child numerous times (last straw when she was kicked in the spine at some force) I wrote a formal letter to the school saying I wanted it taken further.

The school was also completely unsupported at the time too by the Local authorities.

The letter was shared with the parents of the child and after that it never happened again.

Teach your son to hit back.

I know this is controversial but I think it's extremely important, especially after the 'tell the teacher" approach has clearly failed him.

I would take it further with the school and go above if they don't take it extremely seriously. In the mean time, I would tell your son to hit back and defend himself. SEN or not, no one should be expected to be a punch bag

Follow the school’s complaints procedure. When you contact the head in written write that this is a formal complaint. Focus on what they’re going to do to protect your child.

If you feel you need to go in harder, then find the school complaints policy and follow it. You’ll find this is likely to start with a formal complaint to the head. Then if you are not happy with the response you can move it up the stages.

Please ignore anyone saying go straight to the governors or Ofsted. The governors can not do anything until it gets to us under the complaints policy. Ofsted will not be interested unless you’ve exhausted the complaints policy. They are not a complaints body for parents. The complaints policy will tell you if you’re not happy with the governors response to go to the DfE.

You need to go to see the Headteacher to put in a formal complaint. Give them 2 weeks to reply but whatever they reply write to Governors stating the school is failing to safeguard your DC. Set out each of the 4 times it happened previously all the assurances the school gave you, it would not happen again. State once the perpetrator of assault reaches 10 you will be contacting the police if he touches your DS again. SEND does give some DC the right to assault others.

There was an incident, you complained and the school put in support. That support isn’t enough because it happened again. The school will need to increase the support for the disabled child.

I don’t think anything else really needs to happen. To be honest they’ve justified the extra staff and the child being removed from outside play, the next step is probably just having a door shut the disabled child can’t abscond through.

Thank you all for your comments. Lots of helpful advice here.

@TomeTome you see this is our instinctive reaction, but then equally I feel like DS is basically being asked to rationalise and accept being attacked.

Realistically I know there’s not that much that can happen, but I do want to somehow register that this isn’t acceptable.

Absolutely. Your son is clearly a kind boy, as he understands that the other child has problems. But it does kids no favours to let them think they have to be passive in the face of violence from others. Knowing you can hit back is a good thing for physical confidence, and will probably have the effect of dissuading this kid in future.

It’s not acceptable, SEN or no SEN. I would be arranging a meeting with the head, writing to the governors and logging it with the police, and making it very clear to the head that I would be taking it further with the police once the attacker is ten. It is assault and your ds shouldn’t have to just put up with it.

I think it can be helpful to realise that complaining isn’t vindictive or moaning, and isn’t unkind. It’s a really important part of supporting your child’s school to be adequately funded and to help them build a picture that allows them to put in the support disabled children need. It’s a process and it is good practice for the school to try an intervention, see the impact over a given time and then adjust it. They honestly can’t just pay for extra staff and remove a child’s access to outside play without evidence, and when they do that they may not be able to predict how much input that child will need. Your first complaint @Reginaldperrin seems to have been part of a move to more support. Do it again in a calm measured way and you will be part of making things better for everyone.

Ask ds’s teacher or the head if someone could sit down with them and talk about what to do if someone hits or attacks you. Assemblies are good for this and it helps to highlight that he has done nothing wrong.

Thank you so much everyone. Really measured advice here and I appreciate it.

Send your son to self defence classes.
That will stop it since the school can't seem to take control

I do wonder if hitting back might be the best idea, this child ought to learn that is a very realistic consequence to their hitting others.

He'll be an adult soon enough and likely to get a real beating if he randomly punches another adult.

I'm a parent to a violent autistic child. I can gaurentee the LA will be pushing for the child to stay in mainstream school and trying to save money. Schools can say they can't meet need but LA can force the school to keep the kid. It's over a year wait for a tribunal to get a change of school and that's after a months long process of proving a school cannot meet need.

Schools do but they shouldn't be expelling kids because of behaviours resulting from unmet needs. So that's another difficulty for the school.

I have lost everything because I won't send my kid to school that can't keep him and other kids safe. 2 years I've been fighting for an appropriate school place. There just are not enough schools or funds for th support the kids need.

I eventually did a SAR for the incident reports that document my child's violence to others and dangerous behaviours. It's a big part of my evidence for tribunal.

It's absolutely not fair on your child. But try to see what the other family is likely going through. Kick up a massive stink with the intent to give that family and the school evidence this autistic kid needs different school/more support. Follow the schools complaint process but then also complain to the LA because ultimately it's their responsibility and only the LA have the power to change a school placement.

A conversation with the child's parents asking if there is anything you can do to give evidence for them may help too.

The whole system is broken and it makes me so so angry. My child lives with guilt and shame because of the things he's done but he only acts that way because he can't cope in mainstream school environment. Other kids are scared of him and dislike him (understandably!) but my child knows this and feels terrible. All because the government ut funds for Send forcing LAs to gatekeep limited funds that just are not enough. And because my kid has this school experience he thinks he's bad and it makes him act this way all the more. I fear the teenage years I really do

Personally I wouldn’t talk to the parents directly. I think it’s a really emotional difficult situation and of course for them there will be many many peoples expectations and emotions to manage. They are highly unlikely to be able to provide any sort of solace to OP.