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Original poster

How to read/react to this

56 replies

Wealllovebluey · 02/10/2023 18:35

name changed because I don’t want to be recognised

how would you take a note coming home with your reception child which read

childs name I am proud of you when you come into school smiling.

or

childs name I am proud of you when you listen to instruction

OP posts:
Whitepeacelily · 02/10/2023 18:37

I would think the teacher was trying hard to achieve a happy, calm class by focusing on praise.

TulipsTulipTulips · 02/10/2023 18:37

I’d assume that they want to praise everyone for something, and this early in the term with tinies they’re concentrating on the basics.

Jojobees · 02/10/2023 18:39

My heart would swell with pride. He’s 4. Finding things to praise him for must be hard.

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DentalWoes · 02/10/2023 18:48

I would wonder if they don't usually do those things. I dislike children being emotionally manipulated into smiling if they're sad. I'm not fond of this style of classroom management and prefer to address the children's difficulties and encourage them to feel proud of themselves for things they value.

Lamelie · 02/10/2023 18:48

I’d pick up on the note and reiterate the sentiment to my child, “Bobby that’s wonderful that you’re listening to instructions and your teacher has noticed too! Well done!”
What do you think about the notes?

PastTheGin · 02/10/2023 18:50

I have no problem with the second one, but I find the first one inappropriate. You don’t have to come into school smiling if you don’t feel like it, and it is nothing to be proud of. Weird.

MidnightOnceMore · 02/10/2023 19:03

I'd be happy to get the one about instructions, but would be fucked off with the 'smiling' one.

I can see what the teacher is trying to do but I don't like emotional pressure.

Original poster
Wealllovebluey · 02/10/2023 19:09

The notes were very apt about an area that each child is struggling with. From the small selection I heard

OP posts:
Original poster
Wealllovebluey · 02/10/2023 19:58

If I had received the second one or similar my eyes would have rolled and I would have wondered what they would like me to do about it when I’m not there to ensure best behaviour.

I got the first and not happy with the message of stick a smile on stiff upper lip undertones. Wondering if I’m projecting/over sensitive

OP posts:
Whatsinthefridge · 02/10/2023 20:00

I think that’s lovely ☺️

OnceUponATimeInChristmasTime · 02/10/2023 20:04

The children in reception can take weeks to settle in. Maybe this is the teachers way of saying how happy she is that your child now feels more comfortable about coming in.
It could be just her way of encouraging the slightly more wary ones. It's also a way of letting parents know that their child is settled.
I wouldn't see it as emotional pressure or blackmail. I certainly wouldn't think about complaining about it.
I'm not a teacher, but work in a school. I can't think of anyway or any circumstance that this would be anything other than a sweet message to the child and to the parent.
I seriously couldn't be paid enough to be a teacher!

nopenotplaying · 02/10/2023 20:11

Oh gosh are you annoyed by this?! Seriously no wonder teachers get fed up. You've got to be joking

vipersnest1 · 02/10/2023 20:14

Wealllovebluey · 02/10/2023 19:58

If I had received the second one or similar my eyes would have rolled and I would have wondered what they would like me to do about it when I’m not there to ensure best behaviour.

I got the first and not happy with the message of stick a smile on stiff upper lip undertones. Wondering if I’m projecting/over sensitive

Sorry, but I think you are being over-sensitive. The teacher isn't commenting on your parenting, just gently reinforcing appropriate and positive behaviour. There's nothing wrong in that, surely?

mynameiscalypso · 02/10/2023 20:20

I'd be thrilled with this. My DS is in Reception and it's the kind of praise I give him. We had the one about instructions recently from the teacher (although it was verbal not written) and I reiterated to my DS how proud I was of him for doing such good listening.

Original poster
Wealllovebluey · 02/10/2023 20:30

the first message I would definitely have taken as a interesting way of praising appropriate behaviour. I personally think that it would be more effective to verbally praise the desired actions at the time. Would not have taken as a criticism of my parenting!

I hate the message of smile when you're sad/nervous. Said child is upset at most drop offs but is quickly going in with out much fuss and settles within a minute at most. I think it's hit a nerve so I'll take that onboard and move on.

OP posts:
lljkk · 03/10/2023 04:39

I wish I had had OP's problems when DC were little

whattttttodo · 03/10/2023 06:05

I really dislike the smiley one. Children shouldn't have to force a smile to please their teacher.

Second one I'd be pleased if they follow instructions. But it would be better if it was specific praise "I am proud of you for following instructions today " it reads like I would be proud if you actually followed the instructions.

IwishIdidntlikesugar · 03/10/2023 06:10

I’d be happy that the teacher took the time to write them and be pleased.

MidnightOnceMore · 03/10/2023 06:47

Wealllovebluey · 02/10/2023 19:58

If I had received the second one or similar my eyes would have rolled and I would have wondered what they would like me to do about it when I’m not there to ensure best behaviour.

I got the first and not happy with the message of stick a smile on stiff upper lip undertones. Wondering if I’m projecting/over sensitive

I think your instincts are correct. The smiley message is, IMO, from the school of toxic positivity.

MidnightOnceMore · 03/10/2023 06:51

lljkk · 03/10/2023 04:39

I wish I had had OP's problems when DC were little

This thread isn't about you, plus you don't know what problems the OP actually has! Sorry if you had a rough time as a parent, but the OP has posted an interesting and legitimate question.

InterFactual · 03/10/2023 07:01

Good grief there's some strange takes in this thread. Praising a child for having a positive attitude is hardly 'toxic positivity'. I sometimes wonder how people like that get through their days, they must see attacks in everything. 🙄

It sounds like a nice teacher being kind. End of story.

ScarletCharlotte · 03/10/2023 07:04

The smiling message is unhelpful and it annoys me when primary teachers don't know enough about pedagogy and child development. Smiling is an innate instinctive response linked to being happy, having a great time and feeling safe and confident.

The teacher is promoting the 'miserable smile', a stoical grin-and-bear-it expression. Of course she wouldn't do this if she was aware of it.

A note saying I'm proud when you are listening is ok.

writteninthewater · 03/10/2023 07:08

Having a positive attitude gets you far in life so there's nothing wrong with gently encouraging that IMO.

MidnightOnceMore · 03/10/2023 07:14

writteninthewater · 03/10/2023 07:08

Having a positive attitude gets you far in life so there's nothing wrong with gently encouraging that IMO.

REAL positivity does, but toxic positivity is known to increase the risk of MH issues, so it is important to focus on genuine positivity and not superficial 'smiling'.

It is also known that girls are pressured to 'smile' more than boys.

MidnightOnceMore · 03/10/2023 07:17

InterFactual · 03/10/2023 07:01

Good grief there's some strange takes in this thread. Praising a child for having a positive attitude is hardly 'toxic positivity'. I sometimes wonder how people like that get through their days, they must see attacks in everything. 🙄

It sounds like a nice teacher being kind. End of story.

Bit pot/kettle this as you're the one over reacting!

We know so much more about mental health issues.

Toxic positivity is a real contributor to later issues and primary teachers can be quite saccharine in their approach at times.