Fussy eater - is this too brutal??

[bookworm1982]

My 4 and a half year old is really fussy when it comes to dinner. He'll eat his veggie (broccoli, carrots, baby corn) but will not touch anything other than breaded chicken or breaded fish along side it. His older brother eats pasta, curries, roast dinners, spag etc. There's no reason that I can think of why my 4 year old won't eat pasta or anything else, he just says he doesn't like it and then I give him his chicken in breadcrumbs because I just want him to eat something. But I am getting sick of serving him the same thing every night and feel that he's old enough now to understand that he has to eat what his brother eats and I shouldn't have to cook them separate dinners. So I am thinking that if I serve him what his brother has - i.e tonight it's pasta - and he refuses to eat it then he gets nothing else (so goes to bed hungry if he won't try it). Is that a bit harsh? Don't want to damage the poor kid but feel as though enough is enough. Not looking for advice on what's caused his fussy eating or what I could have done differently, just want to know if what I am about to do is too harsh on him. Thanks so much xxx

Veg, fish and chicken is much healthier than pasta anyway so I'm not sure why he needs to be forced into a less healthy option? If all he ever eats in life is veg, fish and chicken he's going to have way better heart health than a lot of people

Why is eating pasta such a big deal? Fish/chicken/veg sounds a perfectly adequate diet - and he'll develop a taste for empty calories soon enough.
I can see why a child might dislike the texture of pasta - especially when over-cooked, as it all too often is.

The book Getting The Little Blighters To Eat is really good for this. Not a huge book either, you can read it in an evening.

Keep things calm, always offer some of the new food and some safe food. The more you get children involved in the shopping/planning/making of food the more they're likely to smell or taste a new food. Get them touching it even if they won't eat it yet.

I would put the new food on a separate plate and talk to him about how he must have tried the chicken to find out he liked it. But this conversation does not take place anywhere near a dinner time.

As an adult I am sure there are foods you don't like and you just don't buy them.

Yet you want to make it his only option? How do you think that would help?

would you eat a plate of food you don’t like?

keep offering new foods but don’t put any pressure on it. Don’t comment at all on what he is or isn’t eating.

I cannot eat pasta or any thing of that texture, any thing with onions, tomatoes or spicy food. I too was left at the table both at school and at home. I could not eat the food.

My suggestion for you is to think of a food you absolutely hate. Maybe jellied eels, slugs, snails worms, etc. Think about having that food put on your plate and ask yourself “could I force myself to eat it.”

When I think about the cruelty I was subjected to as a child I want to cry. My mum picking me up from nursery at 3.30 with me sat at the table with a plate of cold congealed food. My mum coming in from work at 6 and the same thing. My Nan, who did the cooking, would not waste food and sometimes would serve it up again the next day.

You are absolutely going the right way to give your child an eating disorder. All this fuss you are making means neither of you will win.

A lot of children don't like food that's mixed up. Or food with slimy and/or wet textures.

I would do a ladder. So have you tried chicken in breadcrumbs and veg with a spoonful of plain rice on the side?

Would you eat something you didn't like?

I used to put "trying bits" in a plastic ramekin depending on what we were .having.

Don’t we all dislike certain foods, even as adults? You can’t make someone like something.

I’m with Rudolphthefrog on this one. Keep offering him what the rest of the family is eating alongside a portion of his usual food. That way he might feel relaxed enough to try something new. If you make him feel stressed about the meal it’s not likely to end well.

We had to take this approach with one of ours (the other would eat almost anything) and it worked in the end. It took several years of being persistent though-we didn’t make much progress until he was about 8 or 9.

I have a Grandson with AFRID/ ASD.. he would literally starve himself than eat something he doesn't like/want to.
Be thankful your child is eating vegetables.
And all food has some nutritional value.
Can't be that hard to make him something different .
Loads do it for vegans/ food intolerance/ gluten/ lactose.
Sending a child to bed hungry is abuse and cruel.

I had a rule (still do) that it’s fine not to like something but DD absolutely had to try anything new at least twice. If then she still didn’t like it then fine, I’d leave it a few months before trying again. She had no sensory issues (like the majority of kids) and was quite happy to go along with this. Also working on the premise that if she liked something previously she would still like it.
So not quite eat it or go hungry, but not perpetuating the fussy eating either.

Your children are their own person @bookworm1982 they are not an extension of you. I never understand parents who insist their children eat what they themselves like. Your child is not a fussy eater. They just don’t like the foods their older sibling or you like.

I think the advice now, as PP’s have said, is a safe food always on the plate (but as part of everyone’s meal so he’s not eating differently) along with other foods. Put it down and then don’t go on at him about it.
Letting him serve himself and get involved with cooking as well.

As a direct answer to your question - I think he’s a bit old to just all of a sudden not be given the food he’s always eaten. I think if any parents going to do that (you get what you’re given) it should be from the very beginning. So yes I think doing it the way you describe would be a bit cruel.

My DD loved veggies at that age, but wouldn't eat anything with a sauce for years. Around 16 she completely changed and now eats literally everything (except meat) and like everything really tasty, ie lots of spice, chilli or herbs.

At breakfast and lunchtime do your best to include milk, eggs, cheese, fish or sliced meats - whatever he'll eat of these for variety and protein.

Please don't do that.
He probably understands perfectly well that his brother likes different food.
Many children eat a limited palette of food and are happy with that. Don't get bored with repetition and will probably grow out of it eventually to a large extent.
Would you eat food you don't like?
Would you serve the other child chicken in breadcrumbs everyday? That would mean you only make one meal, no?
Lots of children have sensory issues around food - mine included. She's not fussy. But she can only eat certain foods. Happily she is widening her choices and enjoying things I would never have dreamed of her eating a few years ago. But she's a teenager and it's taken a very long time.
My advice - keep feeding him what he will eat. Offer a small taste of the other good. Make no particular comment if it gets eaten or not.
I'd hazard he's more likely to try food that's similar to things he already likes. I'd further guess he mostly likes dry, crunchy food (not lumpy) that is very predictable in flavour and consistency. Does he like food not to touch on the plate? If so, he's a sensory ester and you will just end up with a very unhappy child if you try and feed him wet, mixed up food.

I’d offer pasta with a side of broccoli. Tiny spoonful of each, seconds available. If he just eats broccoli that’s fine. Back to breaded tomorrow, then the next night try something else plus a safe food.

Don’t comment, coax or even appear to notice what he or his brother eats, chat about Lego or something.

I would make a very small dish up of the meal you want them to try alongside his normal meal and encourage him to taste it.

I don't believe in food as punishment or reward and think it can contribute to unhealthy relationships with food.

Going to bed hungry is cruel

Perhaps you could try introducing ‘safer’ foods first? You could start by offering a different, similar vegetable at each meal, or perhaps a plainer food like rice and potato? What about breaded pork cutlet or other breaded foods? If he finds he likes similar things, he might gradually level up and try more different items.

Thanks everyone, some very helpful things you have mentioned here. I definitely won't try this method then. Serving up the same, simple, dinner is easy for me to do every night, I was just worried that he'd never grow out of his fussy eating if I carried on. The small portions on the plate, along with what he likes, as I said, I have been trying for a looooong time, to no avail, but I'll keep going for it. And yes, I am very pleased that he at least likes his veggies :)

So have some of you just served your fussy child the same dinner every night when they were little? I just feel like everyone I speak to who has a child DS's age have at least two or three different dinners that they eat, even the fussy ones. I guess that's what got me thinking that my child literally only has one!

My DD had plain boiled spaghetti and fish fingers for dinner for about 6 months.

Yes. Even now as an adult I can't force myself to eat for the sake of it.

I always did a sharing plate of "new" food in the middle of the table with my picky eater. That way it wasn't on her safe plate and dc2 could take as much or as little as she wanted. Trying new things was encouraged but not forced. Always lots of fruit and veg and cheese.

Personally I struggle with pasta on its own both in terms of visuals, touch and taste. Have you tried adding a tiny bit of food colouring (green perhaps) to spaghetti and maybe serving it along side strips of courgette? Multi coloured "worms" was dc2's gateway to pasta.

On the plus side dh only ate tomato soup at that age. As an adult he probably eats a wider range of food than I do.

My mum did this to me. Made me eat slimy tinned ham that I hated. And carrots. I still can’t eat them to this day and I would never subject my children to this. She’d bring it out for breakfast and then lunch. Make a big deal of rewarding my sister who played the game and then threw up afterwards. My mum is now the fussy eater. I’d love to repay her cruelty by doing this to her, but I’m too nice.

Children aren't born to only eat beige food.
It's foisted on them at too young an age and they 'remember' the fatty deliciousness of it so they 'complain' and refuse other nutritious food.

There are many countries and cultures in the world that don't eat beige food and don't have fussy eaters.
It's mainly a first world problem.

Does he eat chicken without ? What does he eat at lunchtime could you give him some lunch food at dinner time mix it up a bit.