Manners are they lost ?

[nobabiesyet]

Maybe it's me being grumpy - but I notice fewer people saying thank you etc for things both big favours and small.
In recent months a wedding - money requested - and although I prefer not to give money for various reasons - did so - no thank you card - and it's well after honeymoon etc.
We had friends over from away - and cooked an expensive meal from scratch - not so much as a text to say thank you. They are friends they don't cook for us and I don't mind. They never come empty handed (generous with wine and chocs) ,but just a text would be nice. It's nice to get wine, but the hours cookig and shopping take a lot. I'm sure a few years back they would have sent a card. This seems to be the norm - I can't believe after hosting other people for a mini break and the effort involved - changing beds, cooking, hosting that people don;t bother saying thank you anymore.
I'm taking a hard line with nieces and nephews - who are mid 20's who are quick to cash cheques - but don't acknowledge. Is it just me, I realise now the art of card sending seems past, but I can't believe people who are glued to their phones can't say thank you.

I've just come back from a shopping visit to a nearby town - people driving very aggressively, and when I've let them out, or waved them through - again no acknowledgement. People seem quite rude - maybe it's me. But a smile and acknowledgement just seems no effort but nice.

Well - they aren't always rude. They bring wine, but I suppose I'm asking if somebody has cooked for you and in other instances other friends wouldnt you at least send a thank you text.

I'm glad you don;t recognise it. Maybe I forget all those that do say thank you. I did send a new baby gifts and got a prompt sweet card. Maybe I've just had a few: 2 hostings, 1 wedding, 1 meal and x 2 birthdays.

In times past, yes after a meal they would have texted/emailed. The friends that stayed for a mini break - brought flowers etc a few years ago would have sent a card. Maybe life is busier. I suppose just feels a bit taken forgranted.

In my prime.

Hard line? Next year a card without a cheque - or an unsigned cheque.

If I stayed with someone I would say thank you as the provided food etc and as we left.

Why would I then send a card as well?

Good god. How rude. I'd never host them again.

I'm taking a hard line with nieces and nephews - who are mid 20's who are quick to cash cheques - but don't acknowledge.

I'd stop that right away they'd get nothing again.

Well Herbie - I think that is what has happened, and thanks. I was taught to follow up with a card/letter, or at least a text.

I think it was not being thanked for the wedding money that has made me ask the question.

I mean Herbie - thanks for the insight. Clearly it is probably me being grumpy. Although I still think people given wedding gifts of money should say/send a thank you.

Yes I'm not sending any more birthday cheques if I'm not thanked this year.

I had one - who is on facebook and I sent a message to ask for his new address to post the card - and asked this - and it was given with no Hi Aunt x or anything.
Ungrateful. I think.

I don't see the need for a text after the event - I'm sure they thanked you during the event.

I think you have a very specific idea of what constitutes manners and thanks - I think it is more varied these days, including demonstrating gratitude during the visit/when they see you/talk to you.

But I don't think choosing to give a gift requires something in return - if I give (and I'm not a big present buyer) then it's because I wanted to.

If you give or send someone a gift, I expect a text or call to say thank you. I stopped sending gifts to the children of family members, because they weren’t acknowledged and after ten years I’d had enough.

I agree with gifts in person - you give a friend a birthday gift they unwrap you say thank you. You give a wedding/birthday cheque and no thanks at all..I personally feel that is rude. Partly, for the birthday ones, until I check my bank I am not sure it has even got there. When you go to a wedding and money is requested it doesnt feel totally like you are choosing to give a gift.

Anyway thanks for the insight. What about road manners, people out and about generally. Am I out of step that we should be courteous to others and not barge and push, and just try and get ahead??

Thanks Blue Velvet Sofa I agree. I will buy wine with my savings.

Would it be rude to ask the ages of those who expect a thank you card?

I am 47 and haven’t sent one since Mum used to stand over me and make me tight the bloody things in the 80s

I have the exact same with family members cashing cheques but not acknowledging.

Dreadful.

I am now no longer sending anything.

I don't think it is really a card. I would have been happy with a text from the friends I cooked for.
Likewise the wedding - yes I would have liked a card - but even an email etc with a pic of the wedding and thank you for the cheque.
I prefer not to give my age as friends who are the same age also have stopped doing this. Maybe I am out of date. But I still feel generally the world seems less polite.

Well Cheeky feels the same. It just feels very grabby particularly I think the cheques.

Yes, I do feel the same, and I am 40, so not exactly old.

The family members in early 20s who don't acknowledge or thank, I have always kind of made allowances for, because their mother (my relative) has pretty bad manners (not sure how, similar upbringing to me).

But I now feel that's not really an excuse. They are 24, 25 and 26. They should know if someone sends you money, drop them a text to say thank you.

I think that's quite rude, I wouldn't host again nor send birthday cheques for adult nieces or nephews.