Manners are they lost ?

[nobabiesyet]

Maybe it's me being grumpy - but I notice fewer people saying thank you etc for things both big favours and small.
In recent months a wedding - money requested - and although I prefer not to give money for various reasons - did so - no thank you card - and it's well after honeymoon etc.
We had friends over from away - and cooked an expensive meal from scratch - not so much as a text to say thank you. They are friends they don't cook for us and I don't mind. They never come empty handed (generous with wine and chocs) ,but just a text would be nice. It's nice to get wine, but the hours cookig and shopping take a lot. I'm sure a few years back they would have sent a card. This seems to be the norm - I can't believe after hosting other people for a mini break and the effort involved - changing beds, cooking, hosting that people don;t bother saying thank you anymore.
I'm taking a hard line with nieces and nephews - who are mid 20's who are quick to cash cheques - but don't acknowledge. Is it just me, I realise now the art of card sending seems past, but I can't believe people who are glued to their phones can't say thank you.

I've just come back from a shopping visit to a nearby town - people driving very aggressively, and when I've let them out, or waved them through - again no acknowledgement. People seem quite rude - maybe it's me. But a smile and acknowledgement just seems no effort but nice.

This might not be a popular opinion but I wouldn’t be thanking anyone for a cheque.

I never go to a bank or really have time to. Having to trek to a bank in their opening hours or even to a service till for anything less than £50 (even that’s a push) is more of a PITA than something I would thank anyone for.

An Amazon gift card would probably be more useful, and even then I wouldn’t expect a thank you but maybe that’s just me?

I agree that manners have been lost. People are ruder generally.

Okay Diddleflop, I said, Hi x your bday is coming up! Please can I have your new address to send you a card. Hope all is well with the new job, Auntie V.
Response - just address - fine, then I sent not a small cheque as per usual, and as per ususal zero thanks. I'm planning for it to be the last time - and was just checking what others thought.
Yes the friends said thanks at the time. But I thought the effort might have warranted a text. But I see I am out of step. I am going to suggest meeting nearer them next time and going out for a pub dinner . I did this before but they said they don;t mind coming to us, and eating out is so expensive. They both have professonal well paid jobs. But it took all of Sat afternoon cooking/shopping/ and I had piles of washing up to do afterwards. So yes I did think I might get a thank you text as well. . They did bring wine 1 bottle (we drank 3) and a box of chocs.

Herbie. I have given Amazon gift cards before - zero thanks. Also you can scan in texts with your phone. Wedding money was requested with no bank details hence a cheque (more than 50 pound) nephews gifts was £50 . Well I think if people can't be bothered with cheques or money then I'm clearly wasting my time.
Do you acknowledge people who let you out at traffic or go ahead in a supermarket queue?? I'm clearly out of date. But yes I'm narked to be writing cheques/spending time and not being thanked.

I'm sorry I'm clearly grumpy - I'm going to drink wine and watch TV!

There's a fair few grumpy, ungracious replies here to your reasonable query, OP. It's as if you're nearly being unreasonable expecting a bit of old fashioned courtesy after you do something nice for someone! I completely agree that I'd expect a thank you for hospitality or a gift, even after a verbal one at the time. It really warms my heart to receive a card or a note saying how much the recipient loved the meal, complete with white lie saying it's their all time favorite dessert or whatever. Or the jumper/bag/candle was the perfect colour etc. Yes, it's old fashioned, but I was taught that niceties like this please the person who's put themselves out for you, and maybe just give a bright moment on a bad day too.

Most banking apps have a cheque deposit facility now which you can use from home.

I have decided not to send my nieces anything anymore. They don't thank me for anything and I''m sick of it. Money, presents, cards, not a single peep. So rude.

Ours was removed a few years ago because nobody used it. I only know this because the bank sent me an email about it. I haven’t seen a cheque for about 20 years

I am your age and think thank you cards are normal for big things, a text for smaller things. Often video messages from little kids which is sweet.

Do you not send birthday cards either, or just thank you cards?

@nobabiesyet i actually had a little cry about this this morning.
yesterday I overhead NDN young lad, about 7-8, on the phone to granny. So polite talking and then thank you granny for xxxx, more chat then goodbye. My grandchildren are older and only ever thank me when their mother prompts them. Whether it’s a bit of pocket money, birthday gifts or the several hundred I paid towards a school residential. I feel really sad that it’s not natural.

I'm pretty sure that people have been complaining about the decline in manners consistently for millennia. So either we are all utterly appalling uncouth compared to our distant ancestors, or people care more about manners as they get older, or people all generally confirm to a similar extent to the expected polite behaviours of their own circle/generation, but there are different expectations for different groups.

I always follow up with a text or WhatsApp message after being invited over, even though I’d have thanked them as I left. I normally just put ‘great night, thanks for your hospitality’ - it takes seconds.

I drilled it into my son that he was to ring his grandparents, aunties etc when he received a gift. He still does it now. My nieces and nephews always message me to say thanks for birthday and Christmas presents too.

Basic manners.

My friends and I (early 40s) always send thank you WhatsApps after a visit (both ways).
We make the kids do thank you cards for older relatives for birthdays but thank their friends (well the parents) via message.

Saying thank you should be enough, I think?

Do you have a lot of spare time on your hands?