50 no friends, no partner, no way to change it

[LonelyAndLostToo]

Never was good at making friends, find social situations really hard so joining clubs or social events isnt really an option.

Mg son is ready to fly the nest and I have realised at 50 i am destined to be lonely and alone. I dont have a partner or anything.

I cant see a way out of it. Does anyone have any advise, beyond jooning clubs etc, i wouldnt be comfortable in that situation

If you want to make friends you have to push yourself out of your 'comfort zone' .. you say WI / Church doesn't appeal but have you actually tried them?
I am mid 60s and have moved around quite a bit but have no difficulty making friends .. and yes I join WI and go to Church. I do a lot of volunteering, there's always people to chat to .. they might not be 'best friends' but they are (usually) sociable and meeting new people always adds something to your life.

I met someone recently who said she was lonely and couldn't make friends .. to be perfectly blunt I could understand why, she wouldn't try anything new, every suggestion was met with 'nah ... don't like the sound of that', yet she wouldn't make any suggestions about what to do, she wouldn't put herself out to do anything for anyone else yet expected people to run round 'entertaining' her.

Its not so much an appeal, its my beliefs not stacking up with organised religion. So i have to stay true to that

@LonelyAndLostToo I am no fan of religion either. WI is not church linked. "The organisation is non-sectarian and non-party political."

Improve the relationship with yourself then not having the burden of friends or partner will feel like a blessing.

Could you own a dog? I have made friendships because of mine and almost never have a walk without having a conversation with another dog owner. Having to go out on a dog walk twice a day into the community is such a positive thing but also having companion at home should not be underestimated.

Can you sing? I’m a member of a local choir that meets once a week, it’s just a community choir so no auditions or anything as I’m not particularly great at singing, but it is a really fun group and everyone is lovely and different age groups. We sometimes go to the pub afterwards, but no pressure for the ones who don’t want to. What about something like that?

No unfortunately i cant have pets in my
Letting contact

I used to joke that i was asked to join the cats chorus once until someone though I was going to be a Jellico cat rather than alley cat that was in my mind.

Sing - can loud and proud, in tune and in time has to be optional though

I dont believe not having a partner has been raised as an issue here, fact is I think
I have cited it as a preference

I believe you have advisd from a good place but it doesnt align with why i asking for ideas. A happy interdependence is what I need, my alone time and work time fill my every aking minute, i need to include social time if only for my mental health

Maybe you could volunteer for a cause that is close to your heart, so you can work together with like-minded people, and friendships will grow naturally as opposed to the forced vibe of social events.

Just thought I would update. So far I have:

Joined a virtual tech group that relates to my work and meets on a monday night

Signed up to a social walking group, not local but not so far out its a bind. Will have to change the day i visit dad but dad will understand

Signed up for a womens social group

They were all on meet up

I have an inkling to get a new motorbike and join a bike club. Was part of that pre baby and think it is the right group of people for me. Also going to reach out to someone i knew when my son was young and see if I can tag along to the stonehenge trips on the pagan calendar.

I think thats enough and i hope it works. None of this is "might meet friends" its a "stuff i am interested in and i need to get off my backside"

Oh i am going to rejoin slimming world - need to start looking after me physically too

Have you asked on your community Facebook group if there's anything? Search women's social groups.
How about an art class? There's always art events etc going on near us.

Would you do a shift in a pub?

Volunteering good as meet others. Its hard agree. My friend in her 60s really gets herself into things but thats hard when u work

Your update sounds fabulous. I particularly like bike club and Stonehenge group idea.

One trick I found when talking to a new group of people is if you are feeling uncomfortable, look for another uncomfortable person and go and be friendly and reassuring to them. It helps get you out of your own thoughts and makes you more proactive.

I looked at the ramblers but i couldnt work out what you get for the different price points to warrant joining and the fees. It just wasnt transparent for me.

Blimey I go to the loo and come back to Cher! 😂 🏍️

Love your update. Good luck 🤞

I think the getting a dog idea is excellent. It's 'company' in itself and gives you something to focus on and nurture. I know two people who were quite solitary and found forming new relationships a challenge but I know they have both made friends through dog walking.
however - if you work, and no one else is at home, then you'll probably get flamed on here for it.

I’m autistic and I find it very hard. But I have two children, two dogs and two horses.

I would have an assessment to see if you are ND and what strategies might help.

I am recently diagnosed and do have a traumatic background. I am highly successful at work and a great couple of kids but for years thought I was a loner

therapy had shown me I fear rejection and coupled with social anxiety - I wouldn’t even get to the party never mind being a wall flower.

I love books and reading but I enjoy pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I was too nervous to take a kids on holiday on my own. So I booked a holiday about 20 minutes away and it was fine - then we went two hours away

I booked us a tour in our local city and it was good - so I booked something else

there will be someone just like you wanting to visit places / could you mentor someone or teach reading at the local library or join a local community church

ring first and explain the situation and people will understand ask to meet someone first and so on …….

try try try. Little by little you are worthy, you are loved xxxxx

Ah, I'm so sorry - I just read the bit that you're not allowed pets. Jumped on too soon. Apologies..

Local knitting groups are good etc or teach it if you can ….
or learn tennis one on one with a coach etc

it go to a workshop to learn a craft and then keep going

I see you say you can't have pets but I think it would still be worth keeping an eye out for an opportunity to help walk a dog locally eg Cinnamon Trust. I can't stress enough how easy it is to chat to other dog owners, or how much more people approach you when you're with one.

Loving your update OP, that’s really positive!

That sounds fab. Now you are inspiring me to do more! Again, even if just for the adventure of trying new things
And your son and dad will enjoy hearing about your adventures

Local knitting etc groups are all during the week during the day when i work, it does open the possibility of starting an evening thing but i dont have the confidence yet