Which state in the USA for a small-town lifestyle?

[EleventyTrillion]

I have the opportunity to move to the states, basically anywhere I like. It's something I've always loved the idea of, though I've never actually been there.

First off - guns. I know. I don't have any children and it's just not something I'm particularly worried about. Ditto politics. I know many people would not entertain a move to the states for these reasons, but I still want to go. I'm purely interested in which parts of the country would offer the best quality of life for someone like me.

I've always lived rurally in the UK and am definitely not wanting to live in a city or large town. I just want space - the kind of space you don't get in the UK unless you're very wealthy. Not necessarily a big house, but space around it.

I love the look of the towns in Christmas films. Maybe Vermont or Massachusetts. I don't really like the heat and I do like mountains. Can take or leave the coast. I don't have many hobbies except walking, and am very introverted and not bothered about meeting people really.

So for someone like me, where shall I start looking? I'll only be renting for the first while, but have £400k equity in my UK house which I plan to eventually put towards a home wherever I settle.

Idaho: home of the white nationalists & skinheads. Idaho is lovely geographically but it does stand out for its anti-abortion and pro-gun & far-right policies.

Lots of lovely Sierra foothill and mountain towns in California, @EleventyTrillion if you’re interested. Lake homes, too. And lots of rural areas. Gorgeous coastline with many small towns up and down the state.

i lived in the US for a while.
In Texas I went for a walk in a community park woodland and there were bullet holes in every arrow sign 😂, I only went once. The lake had wealthy properties all round -access to the lake for others was limited to a small stretch of beach. Though you could launch a small fishing boat. And if you wandered onto peoples land you could be mistaken for a burglar and shot! Also everyone seemed very religious and no one discussed politics (could be due to everyone having guns).
I would imagine the east coast is very different but there’s probably still shooting deer etc in the countryside I would think. Also some dangerous animals. So I would prefer the U.K. for country life.

I felt there was less community stuff in the US. Like art classes, WI etc. Possibly more things happened through church and I wasn’t a church goer.
Also I didn’t like having to drive everywhere. I can drive to town here and jump on a train to nearest city. There wasn’t an option to do that where I lived in the US.
Bears, cougars, bobcats, snakes, poison oak and Ivy, jiggers in the soil. Not likely to come across them but there were cougars and bob cats in one place I walked. I was warned not to walk in a mountain area cos of rattlesnakes. And we saw fresh bear poo when we walked in Calif mountains.
it’s a bit off putting if you aren’t used to it.

I have been to the US many times, the only place I would live is Aspen, Colorado - but not being a multi billionaire I can’t afford it. You need to visit. Americans are mostly religious in a way that most of us can’t understand.

Really depends where you live. There's loads of things going on here. But I dare say there would be less in a small town, it's the nature of numbers.

(Some things are religious or somewhat religiously connected. I live in one of the most religiously diverse counties in the USA so it is not all churches.)

@EleventyTrillion You asked in one of the comments about the mentality.
It depends where you end up- I think maybe a suburbs of a city that has university and access to culture may be different, but if you end up in a small town... They are often very isolated and you have to depend on people a lot as everything is far away and you have to drive loads for anything.

I thought it was a stereotype, but most people I met really do know nothing outside their front yard, not to mention abroad. The curriculum in school is mostly elective, and the core subjects where I lived focused on US history and US lit, so there is very limited knowledge of life outside of the community/state/country. If you end up somewhere with a big farming community, you may end up wih people blindly following Trump etc. Half my high school friends are as it turned out antimaskers, anti vaccers and in the anti abortion camp and conspiracy theories were rife. People tend to idolise the military and US involvement in conflicts around the world.
Most of my high school friends went to study elsehwere but then most came back to the hometown and married people they dated in high school too (or dated their mate back them), so the ties are pretty strong and everyone knows everyone. Which can be a good thing, or not. I found it a bit suffocating.

The unsettling things are the extremes, you meet so many more extremely religious people, total nutcases, gun fanatics. I mean there are a lot of normal nice people too, but the proportion of the extremes is higher than in the places I lived in the UK.

If I had to go back, Id probably chose a city over a small town,at least you get a bigger mix of people, and living in an area with a university, theatres, more foreigners would ne optimal.

The hunting , yes, most of my neighbours in WI were seemingly nice moderate people, but the hunting season started and everyone was out in the woods with the guns, people would be bringing kids with them too. It was the weirdest thing.

I loved my two years in the US. Though it was 16 years ago and I was a care-free au pair with mostly foreign (other au pair) friends. So cost of living and politics wasn’t particularly an issue.
But it is beautiful and so spacious in many many areas.
You will need a car. There are few places you’ll be able to live without driving.
If you’re likely to be returning to the UK frequently the east coast will of course be quicker and cheaper to travel to/from. And as many have suggested, those New England states with Universities close by sound like what you’re looking for.
If you wanted to venture out to the west coast I loved the nature and small towns in Oregon and Washington State.
I also loved New Mexico and Arizona but obviously that’s hot!
But I highly suggest travelling around before settling if you can so you see what seems the best fit for you.

I think those talking up NHS and women's rights are mad. If - and it's a big if - you can afford top notch health insurance you'll get top notch healthcare in most US states compared to here particularly going forward. On womans rights, when it comes to abortion, it's state dependent. Not huge difference in other respects.

Montana. Most places come with a couple of acres which is handy if you want to go on a trail ride for the day.
This small property in Three Forks comes with some additional land

I am in Scotland and don't feel claustrophobic in the slightest. Surrounded by hills, countryside walks, wide wide wide open spaces. In abundance.

Safe place to live in general. No need to travel far to seek this out.

I find Americans often have a rather different sense of humour and are much more easily offended by things. I've noticed this online and in America itself. Americans tend to be more religious than the UK even when they're not religious; what I mean by that is that there is a greater tendency to get very INTO some sort of thought system or belief and think that is the answer to everything (some of the most religious people I've ever met are American atheists). Related to this is the very polarized political situation on which both sides can come across as pretty unbearable at times. I can't stand Trump-y crap (guns, huge cars, belief in ridiculous conspiracy theories), but American leftists can be very hard to bear as well - incredibly po-faced and politically correct, and just lacking in common sense on things like crime/disorder, the trans issue and so on. Tribal thinking seems to be much more an issue there. Racial stuff is very very sensitive and divisive as well; the US doesn't do very well on racial harmony whereas the UK is better than most countries.

I'm not trashing the idea of moving to the States, I just think you'd be wise to spend some time living there without the commitment (renting a place and leading a normal daily life there for a while, not going on holiday) before sinking a lot of money into this. Are you planning to age there as well? Will you have a support network? Stuff like this. You're coming across as a bit naive, to be honest. It's not just about "space" and space has downsides as well - having to drive absolutely everywhere, having to maintain all that space, things like forest fires....

Okay, this is actually quite a tricky question to answer, but as briefly as I can and from my own experience:

• America is an immigrant nation and pretty much everyone you meet will be a mix of different heritages and cultural backgrounds. So unlike in say, Australia, where many white Australians have British heritage and much of that is pretty recent, many Americans have no British heritage at all and they really won't think like you do. To start with, I made certain assumptions, based on my own cultural heritage (British), but I quickly learned not to do that, because my assumptions were always wrong.
• Most people whose families emigrated to America went there to get away from a shit situation wherever they came from. It's in their DNA to work hard. Americans are the hardest working people I've ever met. They work two and three jobs, they get very little holiday and they often don't take that. Social security benefits in the US aren't generous, people are used to taking care of themselves. There is a welfare state, there's social housing and food stamps and many different welfare programs for those in need, but IME Americans would generally rather rely on themselves and work their arses off rather than take welfare. They are (very generally speaking) a proud, tough bunch of people who are often distrustful of the government (this is particularly true of 'red' states/Republican voters).
• America has its own sports. They watch football (i.e. American football), basketball and baseball. They don't know much about the sports that the rest of the world plays/watches and they don't much care.
• America is a huge country with every landscape you can imagine from huge mountains and national parks to vast areas of prairie and swamp, wild coastlines to tacky beach resorts, massive cities with amazing museums and the most dangerous areas you can imagine, roads that are thousands of miles long, great deserts and forests, and tropical islands with palm trees. It has every kind of weather - ice storms, blizzards, hurricanes, tornadoes, baking sun, torrential rain and metres of snow in winter. It's nothing like our tiny, crowded islands.
• The vast majority of Americans do not have a passport and have never left the USA and many of them are completely disinterested in life beyond their borders and consequently quite ignorant of other places and people. I've met many people over the years in many corners of the country who've never been anywhere and they're not curious about other places at all. I was once asked what language we speak in England and I've been praised for my good English.

That's probably enough tbh, although I could keep coming up with examples. I'm sure others who know the differences well will add their own.

I’ve lived in Scotland. Just doesn’t compare to the US.

You last point is interesting @cheezncrackers.
DH and I have holidayed in various parts of the US, and he has worked there. On his last work trip he was talking to some guys in the bar and he discovered that he and the other European had visited more states than the locals they were talking to.

Yeah, that's not uncommon @RampantIvy when you get away from the big cities. I know plenty of Brits who've travelled more widely in the US than the average American.

Exactly. Scotland is much safer. No guns to worry about when walking down the street.

Some fun facts Re: Beatles success America including: The number of Beatles albums that reached Number 1 in the United States: 25.

https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/the-beatles-by-the-numbers/

Oops! Wrong thread! But Vermont and New Hampshire did spring to mind based on your preferences. I’m probably being influenced though because I can’t stop thinking about getting there again.

Definitely agree with choosing a university town.

I lived in Alaska. It's great. But those dark winters...!! Quirky coastal towns though if the type that might appeal - Homer is one. Anchorage is Oil City.
Remote though - and expensive as a result.
I skied a lot (cross country) and got scared senseless on every walk I went on because of the presence of bears. In fact I'd say if you're used to living rurally here, and enjoying the countryside and walks, think carefully about moving anywhere that's best country!

@EleventyTrillion when I worked in Boston I was struck by how old fashioned it appeared compared to home. I felt like I had stepped back into the eighties and I was shocked. It wasn’t like the American workplaces we see on TV. People were much more insensitive than they are in many work places at home. I seemed to meet a lot of men who had stay at home wives and lots and lots of kids. People are quick to tell your their heritage, which I found odd. I met a lot of Irish people who couldn’t find Ireland on a map!

politics is a huge thing, people build their personalities around who they vote for and seemed to need to declare their politics loud and often.

i spoke to people who worked for the ‘city’ and they were mandated to live within city limits - they needed permission to live further out. They all complained about corruption.

I realised I just didn’t fit in there.

Judging by what a lot of Black Mumsnetters say I am not so convinced that it's that racially harmonious in the UK now. I think Americans and American media talk about it much more and there is a unique history. A great deal of British racism wasn't done in Britain itself and it's very different if you live in any of the ex-colonies.

Americans don't travel as much, but you have to remember how far and expensive it is even when people have the holiday time. I do wonder how much of travelling habits are based on proximity rather than genuine desire to be in a different culture. anyone in Europe is very lucky to have so many places close at hand, and people aren't necessarily going to beach resorts just for the culture.

It is different but it's very hard for me to explain without getting into big generalisations. Heritage is a thing here that is alien to the UK, like Boston Irish, which is a big subculture of its own. That said there's quite a lot of people who don't really think about that at all -- particularly in areas where white heritage is predominantly British and maybe the early German immigrants.

I do think Americans are generally friendly, and they do have a sense of humour despite all the British jabs about it. In New England people aren't very religious, down South much more so. In the years I've been here, people have become more political and more polarised.

This.

I have no real.knowledge other than watching YouTube travel vlogs....but many Colorado looks amazing!

An interesting thread. I’d agree with many that from your list, the top half of the east coast would be the best places to look. With Maine being my top recommendation based on my experience.

I live in Canada, but right on the border of Maine so I’m in Maine often multiple times a week (gas is way cheaper than Canadian gas) and the culture between my town and the town next door in Maine is pretty similar.

I love my life here, but that being said, emigrating is one of the hardest things I’ve done. I like the more relaxed pace of small town living but it’s not without challenges. I’ve made some wonderful friends here, but a previous poster was spot on when they said lasting friendships were harder to form. Of the three closest friends I’ve made here, one is English, one lived in croydon and the other is from Toronto (so not small Towners).

The language is definitely different. The same vocabulary can have very different meanings. I once walked into work and was standing with a whole group of my colleagues. One asked how I was. I had a cold and a blocked nose so replied that I was all bunged up. They all looked at me aghast as I’d actually just announced to the room that I was constipated! Funny story to retell but when it’s the umpteenth clanger, or time you’ve misunderstood or been misunderstood, it gets very wearing. 7 years on and I still make cultural missteps.

Food, especially healthy food, is much more expensive over here. The big things are typically cheaper (vehicles, housing) but the daily living things are more expensive. In Canada, we have healthcare, in the US good health insurance is vital. The spreadsheet idea is a good one.

I personally would never live in the US- erosion of women’s rights, lack of healthcare, poor social care, lack of employment rights, gun control and so many more. But I do like being able to pop in for cheap gas. Best of luck in whatever you decide OP.