Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Which state in the USA for a small-town lifestyle?

190 replies

EleventyTrillion · 22/09/2023 17:55

I have the opportunity to move to the states, basically anywhere I like. It's something I've always loved the idea of, though I've never actually been there.

First off - guns. I know. I don't have any children and it's just not something I'm particularly worried about. Ditto politics. I know many people would not entertain a move to the states for these reasons, but I still want to go. I'm purely interested in which parts of the country would offer the best quality of life for someone like me.

I've always lived rurally in the UK and am definitely not wanting to live in a city or large town. I just want space - the kind of space you don't get in the UK unless you're very wealthy. Not necessarily a big house, but space around it.

I love the look of the towns in Christmas films. Maybe Vermont or Massachusetts. I don't really like the heat and I do like mountains. Can take or leave the coast. I don't have many hobbies except walking, and am very introverted and not bothered about meeting people really.

So for someone like me, where shall I start looking? I'll only be renting for the first while, but have £400k equity in my UK house which I plan to eventually put towards a home wherever I settle.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
SerenityNowInsanityLater · 22/09/2023 21:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

EleventyTrillion · 22/09/2023 21:15

What was it about New Hampshire that was less appealing to you? It's on my shortlist, so would be helpful if I could rule it out to narrow things down!

OP posts:
EleventyTrillion · 22/09/2023 21:16

EleventyTrillion · 22/09/2023 21:15

What was it about New Hampshire that was less appealing to you? It's on my shortlist, so would be helpful if I could rule it out to narrow things down!

Sorry that was @AutimnW1nter

OP posts:
SerenityNowInsanityLater · 22/09/2023 21:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

EleventyTrillion · 22/09/2023 21:17

Also, people who are commenting on the huge difference in culture. Could I have some examples? I'm struggling to imagine it because absolutely all my knowledge of the USA is based on the movies

OP posts:
SerenityNowInsanityLater · 22/09/2023 21:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

User1786 · 22/09/2023 21:19

Montana or Wyoming would be great for you. Probably Idaho but I’ve not been there so can’t say for sure. Beautiful, mountainous, relatively cheap by current US standards. Personally I’m going to move to California one Day so that’s my pick but have travelled extensively around the US. Not a fan of New England, I don’t really know why but I’ve never felt it there. Maybe too much like England.

Ponderingwindow · 22/09/2023 21:23

madison Wisconsin

DibbleDooDah · 22/09/2023 21:23

@Sebock Well, just my experience of being there for SEVEN years working on and off. I have photos should you require. This was the north eastern tip of PA.

I am not talking about anything other than small town USA (which is what the OP had specifically about). They are conservative and not in a good way.

Many of the places people listing here have populations educated to degree level and are affluent, generally east coast towns. Leafy towns full of naice people. I wouldn’t however call somewhere like Greenwich, CT small town USA.

Kote · 22/09/2023 21:27

As others have said New England sounds like a good fit if you're looking for a small town vibe.

I'm in western Washington state which has less of the small town feel but more of the mountains and outdoorsy lifestyle you may be looking for. The scenery (mountains, lakes, coast) is stunning and it's a perfect place for walking/hiking. The summers are warm but not too hot and the winters are fairly mild (it does rain a lot as the Seattle reputation goes!). Also the people here tend to be more introverted which is a plus.

hennybeans · 22/09/2023 21:30

Op, I would really recommend reading Jon Sopel’s book If Only They Didn’t Speak English to understand some of the culture. He wrote it during Trump’s presidency, but it’s really more about the culture and issues rather than Trump as such.

BananaSpanner · 22/09/2023 21:36

I went to Truckee in California once. A lake and mountains. Small town. It was beautiful.

AutimnW1nter · 22/09/2023 21:37

It felt a little conservative, pro gun, unfriendly and a little dull in the summer and not as pretty as Maine and Vermont. You really need to spend a couple of months travelling round all of them. Honestly Maine is gorgeous. I’d live there in a heartbeat. That would be my choice. Vermont is beautiful but felt a little landlocked and a NYC holiday weekend destination

Orcas island( one of the Puget Sound islands ) is gorgeous and near Seattle too.. I think I’d like Michigan.

Youve intrigued me, how are you able to move there?

Zeppel · 22/09/2023 21:38

Smokey Mountains in Tennessee. Plenty of little, bustling towns, great hikes.

momonpurpose · 22/09/2023 21:38

OwlBeGone · 22/09/2023 18:00

I have a friend who lives in Maine and it seems amazing. Beautiful scenery, next to the sea, a nice laid-back semi-rural lifestyle.

I live in the US and have been to most states. Maine is the most beautiful place I have been toand the people are lovely. And such courtesy from drivers it was like another world. I live in Arizona and was shocked maine was much cheaper.

BrownTableMat · 22/09/2023 21:38

On culture shock: For me it was quite hard to define things, like the concept of public space. There isn’t really any. Everyone except the extremely poor drives from one insulated, air conditioned room to another. Colleagues were amazed when I said I liked to just go and wander in the countryside- they thought this must be deeply unsafe and probably illegal. What if someone followed me with a gun?

I was admittedly in a city, but I was shocked by the existence of whole areas and suburbs that were considered “no go” or “no go unless you’re a particular ethnicity (white/black/Latino)”. I’ve spent most of my life in UK cities and while I don’t wander down dark alleyways by myself at 3am, I would never counsel a visitor that a whole suburb was unsafe or off limits. Just walking about town felt edgy in a way it doesn’t here. And going out on trips to rural places, again, it didn’t feel very safe to wait at bus stops or hang around shopping malls etc. There were the usual range of characters hanging about that you’d also see in this country, but there’s always the thought they might be armed. I felt an undercurrent of violence that I just don’t when I’m at home, though that was also undoubtedly because I didn’t viscerally know the culture and trust myself to read any danger signs.

Yes, they speak English. But the vocab is often very different, including for many many common words, and while we generally understand American English from TV etc, the same is far less true in reverse. So be prepared for a lot of misunderstandings and explaining yourself. I found that over time this began to feel quite isolating.

Social solidarity happens quite differently. Americans are incredibly friendly and hospitable and you will undoubtedly get lots of dinner invitations and lovely food. But I found friendships much harder to build over a longer period: female friendships could be lovely when we were together but somehow drifted when we weren’t. It’s hard to explain, but it’s a whole different way of negotiating relationships. The nuclear family seemed even more important than here, and as with driving from one air conditioned box to another, this meant as far as I could see that people often holed up in their homes and had less time to be out in public or elsewhere.

Also, there’s almost no social security (even less than here) and the individualism is off the scale; hanging out with what were by American standards extreme liberals at my college, all of whom volunteered at soup kitchens and the like, it was striking to me that none of them had any collective or what I would consider even political response to the extreme poverty they were seeing. They were trying to “raise the aspirations” of the individual homeless people they were serving so that those people would make a better life for themselves, not questioning why their society was structured so as to create a huge and growing number of homeless and extremely poor people.

The inner city poverty I saw was like nothing I’ve seen in Western Europe: crowds of literally destitute. Though this was a while back and by now sadly my city in the UK is starting to head that way too.

Oh, and the food. If you’re rich you can eat very well (food is expensive). But if you ever want to eat anything processed or in a restaurant, or if you’re poor, you will eat fairly unimaginable (to a European palate) amounts of salt and sugar. Things like bread are full of it. I found takeaway pizza almost inedible because of the salt content, even from quite upscale joints.

All the above is my recollections only, and not intended to stereotype Americans or anyone else. I actually loved my time studying there and am very glad I did it. But I wouldn’t want to live there permanently.

Ididivfama · 22/09/2023 21:39

What about Colorado?

chopc · 22/09/2023 21:46

Have you travelled around UK @EleventyTrillion ? I am certain you can find what you want for not much money in wales, Scotland or northern England

Highandlows · 22/09/2023 21:50

People are much more friendlier. They talk to you even in big cities like NY. I can’t wait to move to the US too. I lived there for a bit a few years back but in a city.

I hope the move goes well.

feellikeanalien · 22/09/2023 22:00

For some reason I'm suddenly finding myself humming "Take Me Home Country Roads".😁

StuckintheUSA · 22/09/2023 22:19

You say you like walking, but you also have to consider that in many states, you can't just go for a walk wherever you want to. I used to live in a semi-rural location in a southern state, and there was nowhere to walk to unless you drove to a local or state park. Every field around us was privately owned, and nearly every property had signs to discourage trespassers.

If you don't like the heat, then you'll need to go pretty far north, or west, to avoid it. I live in Virginia, and I definitely look forward to the end of summer. I joke that we have two nice weeks of weather in the autumn, and two in the spring. Every other time is either blisteringly hot or freezing cold. The weather is different in other parts of the state, of course.

Also, property with land in many locations is very expensive. Every small house with land where I live gets bought up by developers, who then build mega-mansions on the properties. In my neighbourhood, a lovely little house was sold to developers for $600k. The house which took its place was on the market for $2.5 million. This might not be an issue for you if you want to live in a rural location that is not popular with tourists.

Another factor is the planning laws. There seems to be little regulation where we live. You can basically buy a piece of land, cut down all the trees, and build houses on it. I'd recommend checking out the planning laws where you're interested in buying, because you may find yourself living next to a new housing development rather than enjoying the peace and quiet! You won't be able to hear the birds over the sound of leaf blowers.

MrsCarson · 22/09/2023 22:42

Bernadinetta · 22/09/2023 18:39

Montana?

My friend there just sent me a video of it snowing already Brrrrr.

LambsyDivey · 22/09/2023 23:09

Having read your reply, if space is important, my answer's still the same, go to western Mass or other parts of New England. I wouldn't advise going south, regardless of the cost of living or how cool any particular city is supposed to be. I have lived in both regions and rural New England definitely places a higher value on maintaining spaces and staving off urban sprawl, unlike the south. And the countryside is very beautiful, lots of public places to hike, etc.

Sebock · 22/09/2023 23:11

@DibbleDooDah You lived in one damn town in PA for 7 years and feel you can generalise that experience to all small towns in the United States? Your experience is certainly valid though I do wonder how long ago it was. But surely you can see that it might be different in other small towns in what is a vast country?

mathanxiety · 22/09/2023 23:13

Missoula, Montana?

'A River Runs Through It' was set there.
It's yet another university city, with lovely mountainous countryside all around, lots of hiking, and plenty of room for solitude.

Swipe left for the next trending thread