If you’ve been through a prolonged period of intense stress and anxiety, how did you feel when it was over?

[user62992675]

It’s finally over for me after five awful years. But it doesn’t feel like it is. It feels surreal, like a dream. I’m so used to being on edge all day, the constant worry, the constant threat, the constant anticipation of what will happen next. My body is so used to not being able to relax, to be on alert at all times. And it’s still playing round and round in my mind. I feel completely exhausted and my body aches.

I know it’s going to take a while, it’s only been a few days. I guess I’m talking about a form of PTSD really (google tells me prolonged duress stress disorder). If you’ve been through prolonged/repeated stress like this, how did you feel in the weeks/months after it was over? How long did it take to start feeling safe again?

I’m a year out of a two year period of extreme stress, and still in fight of flight mode some days. It is definitely a form of PTSD. What’s worked for me is doing lots of exercise (new to me!) but the endorphins help, I quit drinking, take lots of vitamins, eat well, lots of sleep. As soon as I stop doing any of these I feel worse.

the first three months were really hard, and I’m still waiting for the phone to ring with bad news some days.

The body remembers. I think what you're describing is a lot of people's experience and normal really, unfortunately. As with anything if you are on high-alert so to speak for a sustained amount of time and your body is habitually responding to trauma, stress or anxiety then it can't be expected to snap back simply because the source issue might be removed.

I really recommend the book ' The Body Keeps the Score' by Bessel van der Kolk, or the audibook if you aren't a reader.

I had a horrible five years at secondary school. Panic attacks every morning, crying every night. Constant fear of being attacked. Trying to be invisible and avoiding eye contact. Anxiety and depression. I never got over it. Thirty years later I still suffer from anxiety and depression. I have a panic attack if I hear an alarm clock ring. I still avoid eye contact and feel afraid of people who are dressed a certain way. It does feel like PTSD.

Four times weekly psychoanalysis
Yoga, as often as possible, to work on the body element. The breathing techniques are so helpful too day to day.
A few years in, things are much better

DH and I were both exhausted after the worst and most stressful part was over.

I couldn't eat for a while, really struggled to put food in my mouth for some reason, and that's getting better.

I still wake up all the time now with my stomach in knots though; I'm always waiting for something to happen, whether that's a good or bad thing. It's like my body is now so used to running on adrenaline that it can't accept that it doesn't need to.

I am still talking through my experiences in therapy thirty years later. If the anxiety was bad enough it can cause lasting problems. Don’t rush yourself.

I can echo the comments that this will be held in the body for a good while. Be kind to yourself. Do stuff that encourages mind-body connection: martial arts like Tai Chi, yoga, dancing or meditation.

Allow for the exhaustion. Nurture yourself.

I felt worse after years of intense stress.
I think my body didn’t know how to handle being able to relax, and my mental health spiralled.

I had a brief course of therapy via IAPT which helped somewhat, but I’ve had to find my own way to learn how to feel normal again.

5+ years on I’m mostly ok, but certain noises make me freeze. Day to day though I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.

I am 6 months out of a very stressful 2 years cancer, chemo etc for me, GCSEs for DD, mute gentle DS offrolled from school during my chemo, sectioned and given wrong drug by force in there and handcuffed and in like a coma for 6 months, back home since April. I am generally fine with the cancer now, radio finished Aug 22, with my son I will be traumatised and he will be until the day we die but it mainly hits at night where I feel really angry towards all the people who failed him and the fact there is nothing much I can do about that but I want to. In the day I swim 3 miles a week, that helps a lot mentally and physically, and am generally ok as long as nobody says things which bring back memories or imply DS will never get better or have meetings re DS. I have gone on 3 holidays and those helped too.

Do stuff that encourages mind-body connection: martial arts like Tai Chi, yoga, dancing or meditation

I was going to give advice along these lines. Pilates is a great one as it teaches you how to breathe properly - which is so key to our mental state. I would definitely encourage trying some of these where you really learn to listen to your body, and breathe deeply and intentionally. These are things you then take with you into your everyday life.

When I sorted out my life disasters I felt really terrible and couldn't understand why.

Then I realised I had all the symptoms of anxiety ( briefly, it felt like fear )

My lovely Gp prescribed sertraline and it totally knocked the bad feeling on the head.

I think acknowledging that it will take time. And being honest with others and yourself about that. If it is something that you've shared with people they might be a bit 'oh good you can move on now' - but you probably can't.

Exercise helps.

Ooh, I'm feeling this. Heading towards calm & day to day is finally lovely & gentle but still burst into tears regularly. I'm slowly sorting out the house & trying to get into going to the gym a few times a week. Following with interest

I found things like bird spotting helped, like going puffin spotting especially on remote islands. Just focussing on nature ideally with not to many people. But swimming has helped the most. Had counselling but quite variable as to whether it helps for me. Trashy TV like Below Deck has helped.

Yes I have also started sorting and renovating house and garden. If you have enough time and money to do that it can help feels like improving things. Lavender is a lovely plant for the smell.

You’re more than half way there, because you’re aware that whilst you’re still having physical symptoms, the actual situation has stopped.

Just keep repeating out loud that it is over, you don’t need to feel like this anymore, and that things ARE now ok. The anxiety will eventually get less and less then one day it will stop.

Try this non-woo body scan that connects you to the body. It can be used at any time of day when you are needing to relax, and of course before bed.

s

It's a weird time when it's all over and hard to get it into your head that you don't need to be constantly looking over your shoulder. For me, it was being abused from the age of four to 16 by my violent mentally ill mother. Things got bad enough that I had three years in a boarding school, which was the coldest and most unloving place I have ever encountered. My mother was eventually sectioned and I only saw her a few times after that. She died last year. My life since then has been a work in progress, firstly to not lose the plot myself and then to find ways to recover. While the awfulness was going on, I clung to hope that things would get better one day and I focused on anything good that was diverting. Often it was something as simple as watching the clouds or caring for the family dog. Hope, being able to love and finding my reserve of stubbornness were paramount to remaining sane. Those years were really hard. It went on during the 1960s-70s and there was little notice taken and counselling hadn't been invented.

It felt strange after my mother was sectioned, like floating. I actually blanked it all out for a few months, as if it had never happened or happened to someone else, though it was nasty when the past came flooding back.

What made the biggest difference was martial arts, vigorous exercise, meditation, writing and gardening. I went on to study horticulture and found it so therapeutic that I became a professional gardener and it's been the best therapy I could imagine. Being outside with no one breathing down my neck, working on something that is Life, but not involving humans or talking, is a huge relief. Solitude is very important to me. The work gives me a safe place to totally destroy things without hurting anyone and then to rebuild it into something beautiful. And you make people happy at the same time, amazing.

Seconding all the other suggestions.

Swimming, breathing exercises.

I also got meds - duloxetine helped me.

These are all such helpful posts, thank you. I feel so exhausted, like every cell in my body is wilting.

I think the difficulty I’m going to have (and am afraid to say out loud) is, I don’t know if the situation has truly stopped. I’m trying to think of how to explain without giving too many details. Basically, it’s court-related, an abusive ex who’s tried to destroy me via protracted, vexatious litigation. He lost, at enormous cost to himself (not to mention the embarrassment) and although I’m relieved, I’m anxious that there’s going to be repercussions and/or further court action. I’ve never known somebody as intent on revenge as he is.

I don’t know when I’m going to stop looking over my shoulder, or waiting for bad news. It’s that beginning, middle and end thing isn’t it. I feel like I’m still in the middle. It doesn’t feel like I’m safe yet.

I had a period of intense stress, albeit no way near as bad as some of these examples.

In my case it was only after the stressful period was over that my anxiety symptoms started. I couldn't understand why I felt so awful when there was nothing to be stressed about any more. I felt sick every day and constantly thought I was going to have a panic attack. I guess my body was just exhausted by it all.

I only got better once I learned to accept that my symptoms were anxiety and embrace them rather than constantly 'trying' to fight them and feel better. Once I changed my mindset I got better almost overnight.

If anyone recognises the above in themselves I would recommend the book At Last a Life by Paul David.

@user62992675 do you have support in real life?

That sounds really tough and I really hope you can rid yourself of this tormenting demon of a man, he sounds despicable. I also hope you have a support network around you.

I can't offer much, but will say that it's important to keep reminding yourself that you are in the right, you are the one with dignity, not him. He has none and is shaming himself for all to see. You, on the other hand, can stand tall and keep telling yourself, with a clear conscience, that you are right and dignified.

I have really supportive friends, but I’m a bit reluctant to share too much of this aspect of it with them because I feel like it’s supposed to be done and dusted now, I won, time to move on.

I never allowed myself to believe I would win, never allowed myself to hope because any hope I had at the beginning was quickly dashed. Just when I thought it was over and he’d dropped it, it would start up again. It was blow after blow after blow. My solicitor was kind enough to shield me from most of the nastier correspondence so I’m not even entirely sure how bad it got. It’s like I can’t allow myself to believe that’s it, that it’s over, so I feel stuck in this loop. Every time I receive an email my heart skips a beat.

I feel so confused and disorientated by it all.

This is so true and so helpful to have pointed out. I easily lose sight of the bigger picture.