If you’ve been through a prolonged period of intense stress and anxiety, how did you feel when it was over?

[user62992675]

It’s finally over for me after five awful years. But it doesn’t feel like it is. It feels surreal, like a dream. I’m so used to being on edge all day, the constant worry, the constant threat, the constant anticipation of what will happen next. My body is so used to not being able to relax, to be on alert at all times. And it’s still playing round and round in my mind. I feel completely exhausted and my body aches.

I know it’s going to take a while, it’s only been a few days. I guess I’m talking about a form of PTSD really (google tells me prolonged duress stress disorder). If you’ve been through prolonged/repeated stress like this, how did you feel in the weeks/months after it was over? How long did it take to start feeling safe again?

I felt very sad that I hadn't got help quicker. Grateful that I've recovered but I'm not the person I was before I've lost something.

Utter relief and calm.

I was fortunate to leave my , once, beloved job as my husband had a huge redundancy payment.

IBS drastically reduced, fear gone, no more judgey comments, no more toe curling and bonkers policy adjustments.

Bliss.

Surreal/relief..for almost a year all I wanted to do was stay home, watch comfort tv and enjoy peace and quiet. I enjoyed that 'no news is good news' feeling. My faith became important to me as well. I had a couple of hiccups - one where I had to go back to a town I associated with the traumatic stuff - I ended up having a panic attack and didn't go. After a while I felt ready to come out of my cocoon again and start rebuilding.

@dontgobaconmyheart is it a depressing book in terms of ‘you’re fucked?’ Or does it say you can counteract some of your experiences, and propose how?

I find that even though I'm not waiting for any more bad news and I have been destroyed pretty much as far as it is possible, my body and mind do not forget.

In completely innocent non-scary environments I am constantly on alert. Even when I don't feel like it. One teeny tiny thing and my body reacts forcefully.

I kept thinking it was over before it was. I felt better and thought I was better. Then a few months later I'd think "Oh. Now I'm better - I wasn't before. " And repeat.

Thank you. I think I'm physically safe but I'm not certain. He wouldn't have tried anything during the legal process as it would've hurt his case, but now he's got nothing to lose. I'm making sure I've got my phone on me at all times, and I've spoken to the police to give them a heads up. They recommended a non-molestation order but I think you both have to go to court for this? I'm not sure if I'd meet the criteria for obtaining one as his behaviour since the police spoke to him has been indirect, i.e. via a solicitor. I blocked him so haven't had any other form of contact with him for five years (aside from court). I don't suppose you're able to advise? I'm not having a lot of luck getting to speak to someone at a charity.

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences everyone. I'm absolutely exhausted, even after lots of sleep. It's really hit me like a tonne of bricks. My nervous system is shot. I can barely string a sentence together. I went to work on Friday in a total daze. I'm less anxious than I was but I still get tightness and panic in my chest when my mind wanders to what he might do next, or if this is it now.

I'm taking a few days off next week to try to recalibrate. Everything is aching and I woke up in the night with a horrible pain in my back. I tried to go for a walk yesterday but struggled, it was like my legs weren't working properly.
I can't afford anything like holidays or massages at the moment as I'm in so much legal debt, but when I feel a bit less tired I'll try to make the most of sunny autumnal days and get outdoors into the countryside.

I've opened up a bit more to my friends about not feeling entirely ok, and they've been really sweet and understanding about it. Everyone is advising me to rest, even though I feel like I should be doing Stuff. I think the problem is I don't know how to rest! My mind is so used to working overdrive, anticipating this and that, worrying about his next move, worrying about court, worrying about money... so somehow this needs to be reset. I'm going to read through all your posts again as I wasn't able to take them in particularly well when I posted to give me some ideas.

If you are not sure if you are safe yet then it will be difficult for you to move forward out of the stress and anxiety.

I'd suggest you look at ways to keep yourself physically safe - deadbolt on your door, keep phone on you, carry a rape alarm etc.

You can apply for a non molestation order and his communications with you are evidence.

www.ncdv.org.uk/non-molestation-order/#:~:text=A%20non%2Dmolestation%20order%20is,attending%20your%20place%20of%20work.

I have been through something similar - the problem is how do you stop thinking about it????

I have complex ptsd. It wrecks the nervous system but it can get better.
Ive changed my whole life to accommodate healing. Not working right now, which I know is a privileged position to be on. Living in nature. Yoga. Yoga and more yoga. Outside as much as possible. Sleep. No alcohol.

I doubt you need to go so extreme but your body needs to heal.

Actually read your other posts now, sorry for jumping the gun. Sounds like complex ptsd. PTSD is one event. Living in survival mode for a sustained period is more likely to cause complex ptsd. Therapy. Routine. Exercise. Water. And time.

Not very easily. I eventually got to the stage where I could lock things away at the back of my mind and force myself to stop thinking about them.

There was one particular issue that I dealt with by writing it all down. I let it all pour out, and that really helped purge my brain of it.

Your friends sound lovely and caring.
But I agree, 'rest' isn't easy when you feel this way, can just make you feel jittery in fact.
Could you ask them to come a walk with you, go a walk as often as you can, take a friend, they can take it in turns so you get lots of eagle with friends.
Walking is not strenuous, it is restful in the sense that it is a calm thing to do, and with a friend you would have emotional support and could talk about everything, or nothing, or bollocks and just take the mickey out of whatever and laugh.
Very healing, but also really achievable.

I *think we are just coming out of two and a half years of extreme stress (some bits still outstanding but nothing as bad I hope as what has been). I feel alternately-anxious to high heaven, and then, numb. It's really weird.
I walk a lot-its always been my go to stress reliever. It's not working. I used to read to get out of my own head. I can't focus enough to finish a chapter. I'm either keyed up, or sad and a bit dead inside.

I should probably get therapy. Or...something.