If you’ve been through a prolonged period of intense stress and anxiety, how did you feel when it was over?

[user62992675]

It’s finally over for me after five awful years. But it doesn’t feel like it is. It feels surreal, like a dream. I’m so used to being on edge all day, the constant worry, the constant threat, the constant anticipation of what will happen next. My body is so used to not being able to relax, to be on alert at all times. And it’s still playing round and round in my mind. I feel completely exhausted and my body aches.

I know it’s going to take a while, it’s only been a few days. I guess I’m talking about a form of PTSD really (google tells me prolonged duress stress disorder). If you’ve been through prolonged/repeated stress like this, how did you feel in the weeks/months after it was over? How long did it take to start feeling safe again?

If you've got supportive friends, user62992675, then tell them and let them help you. This situation you've been through sounds like too much to deal with on your own and you need your friends around you.

It's natural to still feel jumpy and disoriented, it sounds like you've been through hell. Everyone in a similar situation would tell you that. Your mind is still churning away over what happened and that will take time and work to settle it down. You probably won't feel better quickly but 'a little better every week', even if it's only a tiny bit, is something to aim for.

Thank goodness your solicitor took some of the flack and protected you from some of the worst stuff, that's no small matter. You were lucky to find someone like that.

Might your GP or solicitor know of councillors who can help you/ are you entitled to any help on the NHS?

This is so true and so helpful to have pointed out.

Righteous anger is a powerful tool, cultivate it.

Thank goodness your solicitor took some of the flack and protected you from some of the worst stuff, that's no small matter. You were lucky to find someone like that.

I really was. He really got it and I’ll always be grateful.

I think everything that I’ve been holding in for so long is coming flooding out now, somewhere between the daze at least.

Having gone somewhat off topic, can I ask how people managed with work/study/unavoidable life tasks during the weeks that followed?

I wonder if it ever goes away once you've been in that headspace. I hope so!

I’ve been under CMHT during this period as I’ve been so poorly with the stress. EMDR had been mentioned but it the assessment process was delayed several times due to the length of time it’s all taken, hearing dates changing etc. I’m going to request it again.

I remember the actual day my entire life changed for the better. Beforehand I was so anxious I was on valium for 4 days at a time. I felt sick every morning when I woke up. I couldn't eat. I aged like 30 years in appearance

Then one day. The cause of all my problems was over. My life had changed. And my new life felt extremely odd in comparison.

It's been 2 years. Sometimes I have some blips but nothing drastic.

But when I'm reminded of the past I am extremely dumbfounded. Like how did it happen? How did I lose control? Why did it happen? Why did it happen to ME? And then the reminder of that very moment my life changed for the very better.

It has taught me a lesson in that anxiety and depression can happen to anyone! I never thought it would happen to me. I was in shock from that.

DH and I were talking about it just yesterday!

Good luck OP.

A holiday might help? It can reset the tempo of your life and confirm you now have freedom from the all-consuming Beast which has dogged you for so long.

Saving up, planning and following through to a lovely destination is part of looking positively ahead which might help? Step outside your worry balloon and decompress.

work/study/unavoidable life tasks

I switched to Automatic Pilot.

Something that worked for me was to give my subconscious the job of sorting things out in the background. I gave it orders and would say 'Subconscious, I want you to work on xyz while I'm asleep'. Weirdly, or not, it helped a lot. It's hard work and you need to keep at it, but it can help.

I think your brain physically changes. I don’t think I’ll ever be ‘right’ again, but I can hopefully learn to cope with it and try to find a gentle way of living. A poster above talked about how she retrained as a horticulturist. I’m actually in the process of retraining and am working towards a job which involves being outdoors most of the time. I recognised that I couldn’t take a high-stress job and am learning to work within my limitations, and to allow myself to grieve for the things that could have been.

I think when you are very stressed with tasks make them as simple as possible and if the money contract out. During my chemo I got a cleaner, shopping can be delivered, let others help. Work if you can't manage get signed off. Taking things day by day can help and be kind to yourself.

I am no expert but it maybe worth checking with solicitor if any way you can protect yourself against more action.

I celebrated by moving all my furniture around and painting every room. I got new bedding too.

Basically, I wanted my whole life to look brand new but couldn't afford it 😂

The new bedding helped the most. Getting into a fresh new bedding every night made me curl up and feel grateful for my new life before falling peacefully asleep

I have since ditched some clothes that "bring it back".... and have new hair 🤣

I recognised that I couldn’t take a high-stress job and am learning to work within my limitations, and to allow myself to grieve for the things that could have been.

Recognising that you need to avoid high-stress jobs is really good, it shows you have good awareness of your needs and are acting on them. That will make a really big difference to you, it will give you time and space to heal and do things at your own pace, which is a true gift in life. Learning to pace yourself is a massive help when things are tough. Once you find the right pace, it's easier to keep going and you can get a lot done, bit by bit, one step at a time.

It's clear you're treating yourself gently, that's really positive.

I so understand this feeling. I had some incidents in childhood that I don't think my body has ever let go of because certain things will trigger a very physical response. More recently another period of difficulty has created a more generalised anxious response and tense feeling most of the time for awhile. I have been trying to heal for a few years now and I have also, like you, made changes to my lifestyle to reflect what I can now cope with and what gives me the most calm. I like yoga nidra, meditations daily and small rituals like gardening and walking are helping me physically relax. I have a lot of physical pain in my shoulders that I think comes from keeping myself alert and ready over the years. I moved house to get away from the 'unhappy house' vibe it had for me. I still wake up and immediately start going through things to make sure theres no emergency or thing to deal with or worry about. I know I am a lot more calm and relaxed with my lifestyle changes though and I hope the ones you are making help you too.

8 years of extreme stress and almost lost all sense of myself. I was drained, depressed and absolutely physically and emotionally shattered.

I spent a lot of time wrapped in a blanket on the settee watching anything that distracted me. I made my home my haven of calm and loveliness. Then I progressed to comedies, found some brilliant ones. Laughing helped a lot, it eased the stress and let it out.

Then I started to eat really healthily and felt my body soaking up all the nutrients I'd lost to lack of sleep and the constant rollercoaster of huge problems that kept hitting me. Bananas, avocados, live yoghurt - nothing fancy, just simple and healthy (and no washing up).

I built a consistent and quiet life. I didn't commit to any events or arrangements unless I felt totally up for it. I made my house easy to look after and decided to eat simply so I could rest as much as possible outside of work.

I'd say within 3/6 months I was feeling more myself and at ease and 12 months on I am feeling calm, happy, in control and beginning to thrive.

Good luck.

Its also worth being aware when you feel better and when you feel low etc and look for triggers for both and adjust things.

I also had lots of soft fabrics velvet, fleece etc for bedding and clothes and found them comforting. Lots of cushions. And I got a Maine Coon cat in my chemotherapy and he has been amazing, the happiest cat ever.

Exhausted. Truly just tired. It took several months and extended sick leave, a lot of self care, exercise, fresh air and putting myself first to feel better again.

I recognised that I couldn’t take a high-stress job and am learning to work within my limitations, and to allow myself to grieve for the things that could have been I wish I did this. I'm 3 weeks into my new job that's already stressful and I don't know how 1) to back out and 2) find something less stressful. NMW is fine for me but working in a shop would be awful for me as I don't like lots of noises

Hi OP. Someone told me very recently that your body's primeval fight/flight response reacts the same way to stress you are experiencing this minute, and to past trauma that is over, but that you are only thinking about.

By thinking about something bad that happened in the past, your body reacts as if it is happening now. Which is why you still feel so rotten.

So when people say the annoying cliche "Just stop thinking about it", they may have a point after all.

A Maine Coon cat sprawling on the sofa sounds like an excellent choice, Silkiebunny.

Yes to fabrics, cushions and colour, that's so important. I decided I didn't give a stuff if I was unfashionable, I like colours, lots of them, all at once.

I have both direct experience of this personally and indirect experience professionally.

First and foremost, are you actually safe? Do you need a restraining order? A panic button? Is there a plan?
What would make you feel safer?

If it is psychological violence then the only way is to cut him off completely and do everything through solicitors, with no direct engagement whatsoever. Blocked on every platform and no contact.

There are many routes to feeling safer. Have you explored every one?

If you are as safe as you can be, and not at imminent risk then it’s your central nervous system that needs to be lowered, at the moment you are probably on red alert in full flight/fight response.

Breathing techniques ( you tube and google) once you regulate your breathing and do this as many times as you can, you are sending a message to your system that you are safe.

Warm water bathing in Epsom salts. Swimming and floating - closing your eyes will help

Massage. You might cry all the way through. Just let it go and release.

Holidays really do help, or days by the sea.

Hugs - long ones that allow you to feel safe.

Usually when the most stressful time passes, our body then processes the emotional pain. You might feel even worse than you did before. You might be devastated and not understand why. No one can process everything at once, so often the reality/pain will be cordoned off as your deal with the most immediate danger/risk but then it comes roaring and back when you are relatively safe.

You will be a new version of yourself now, a stronger, more resilient, perhaps more fragile you - but you survived it all. Self care and self love is needed now, go easy. Gentle and positive reframing. Yes you wouldn’t have chosen this to happen but it’s all about where you go from here.

Hi op, At the moment I imagine you are coming down from flight or fight mode and you will feel exhausted. The issue you will face is that once you move forward you might find yourself easily triggered back into this state and it may take years for you to recognise that not all situations are as dreadful as the one you've been in. What you can do right now is try and do gentle exercise, maybe walking and definitely try and spend as much time in nature as you can, walk in a forest or on a beach. If you are in a city, find the leaflet park and sit in it. Get plenty of daylight. Eat well. Get regular massages to help ease the aches and release all the stress. Try mindfully breathing and or yoga every day. Do somelovely activities that allow you to escape like drawing, craft, reading, watching a new box set. Make some plans like a weekend away, shopping and lunch with a friend or a day trip with your dc.

How to manage daily tasks? Go easy on yourself. If you had flu or a gastro bug you would cut some corners so do that now. Make life as easy as possible, easy meals minimum cleaning and tidying - avoid visitors until you feel up to it. Take some days off and just sleep if you can.

What happens to me after a period of stress is that I come down with some kind of virus - every time.

It took about 3 years of holding tension in my body and then I started to finally relax and breathe. I don’t think it ever leaves you though but you can learn to manage it and recognise it. We are all different and so it may go straight away as the relief washes over you or come back sporadically. The key for me was to recognise it and then treat it. Ie. Therapy or a massage or just a holiday to reset me.