Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Being an adult is not what I expected

58 replies

paulinewalnuts · 21/09/2023 21:46

Just wanting to share experiences tbh.

Dad died a couple months ago.
Mum is old and currently unwell.
DH is currently unwell.
I'm working full time and it's full on.
Mortgage rates have gone effing mental.
Im menopausal and grumpy.
Counsellor has increased charges - fair enough, it's inflation.

Just having a general pity party.

Please feel free to join in. Waaaahhhhh.

OP posts:
Woman2023 · 21/09/2023 22:02

I feel your pain. This stage of adulthood is no fun.

FluffyCloudsofShit · 21/09/2023 22:04

Yeah...

Husband breaking up with me
Gender pay gap
Cost of living crisis

FluffyCloudsofShit · 21/09/2023 22:05

Oh and can't get a GP app...even when promised one!!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Menopause Women's health
Original poster
paulinewalnuts · 21/09/2023 22:09

Sympathies all.

It's a bag of shite sometimes isn't it.

Take me back to 19 when I was just worrying about what to wear to the pub on a Friday.

OP posts:
NotAdultingToday · 21/09/2023 22:13

I agree with you! My username is my feeling everyday!

TobiasForgesContactLense · 21/09/2023 22:16

Yes.

Mum has cancer. Dad not so bad but had a fall today. MIL just starting to forget words, names etc
DH is having an anxiety flare which is then flaring up his IBS. It is work related stress but he is far too anxious to think about looking elsewhere.
DS is awaiting an ASD assessment
Best friend is being evicted and her circumstances have changed since she last rented so can't fund anywhere else in the current ridiculous market
I am just at the start of perimenopause and hating my own job right now.

I actually feel better for writing it down. And also privileged that my parents are alive, my health is ok and we don't really have any money worries.

The worst bit is that I would usually be optimistic about life getting better over time but this is the first time in my life where it is likely to worse in 5 years time (parents dead or very frail, DH hitting 60 and will desperate to retire but can't, I will be the full throes of menopause just as DS is hitting puberty!) Hopefully 5 years after that will be better!

NotAdultingToday · 21/09/2023 22:16

Oooo posted too soon. I also meant to say choosing what the have for dinner.every.night its soul destroying especially with fussy eaters!

Also knowing that if i stopped doing things aka the silent mental load life wouldnt happen. Its a big responsibility i dislike it!

FallGall · 21/09/2023 22:17

And you have to decide what's for dinner ... Every. Single. Day! For the rest of your life!

FallGall · 21/09/2023 22:17

NotAdultingToday · 21/09/2023 22:16

Oooo posted too soon. I also meant to say choosing what the have for dinner.every.night its soul destroying especially with fussy eaters!

Also knowing that if i stopped doing things aka the silent mental load life wouldnt happen. Its a big responsibility i dislike it!

Hahah snap!

NotAdultingToday · 21/09/2023 22:19

Haha im glad its not just me!

UsingChangeofName · 21/09/2023 22:21

FallGall · 21/09/2023 22:17

And you have to decide what's for dinner ... Every. Single. Day! For the rest of your life!

This is what I was going to say.
You beat me to it.

coughsweets · 21/09/2023 22:24

100% agree

DF Died
DB Estranged
DM in Critical Care in Hospital
DC1 Medicated due to medical issues
DC2 Huge attachment Issues
DH obsessed with Work
DDog died last Week
Currently living with a health issue that hugely effects my appearance (and confidence)

Urgh! Writing that all down sounds even worse!

You're not alone OP Flowers

GymWanker · 21/09/2023 22:28

I hear you. Both parents dead, burnout due to juggling that and young kids and a husband who worked away (although he came back as often as he could and did mega long days when i was at breaking point) various other big things happened.

Tonight I told my therapist I don’t think I’ll be able to stand up again when the next thing hits. Because there always seems to be a next thing.

when they asked for my evidence of this, I explained I can’t even cope with the idea of emptying the dishwasher AGAIN.

sending comfort in whatever works for you all x

SnapOutOfIt1 · 21/09/2023 22:32

I'll join in! I'm barely into my 30s though. Back living with my parents after asking for a divorce from the man I thought I'd spend my days with. One DC has asd diagnosis, other awaiting adhd diagnosis. Attempted to end my life, failed at that. In debt up to my eyeballs, been ostracised by colleagues in a job I used to love... adulthood is a fucking shitshow!

Mymidlifegoesbung · 21/09/2023 23:03

I have found my people. So fed up too. This year Mum diagnosed with Parkinson's and I'm her carer. DH lost job in March, turned 50, then has given up his job hunt as so demoralising and is now starting own company - great but costing us money atm and savings draining quickly. I'm having to spend my spare time counting pennies and trying not to panic about our financial future.

New boss at work who doesn't seen the point of my area - can't stand to change jobs again after had to leave last place as boss (CEO) tried it on through late night texts and it became unbearable.

Last week car big thing went and will cost £1500. Oh, and just had a message from the doc that I seem to have fatty liver as presumably all that comfort cheese I am eating is slowly killing me too..... Either that or I have some horrible disease. Generally I'm quite cheerful but honestly being broke is the worst as can't go anywhere or do anything atm. I've actually stopped seeing my friends as I think I am only going to moan.

On the plus side teens are lovely and doing really well - have done something right! Maybe they should just put us down then they can get our life assurance payouts.

toadasoda · 21/09/2023 23:28

UsingChangeofName · 21/09/2023 22:21

This is what I was going to say.
You beat me to it.

Show quote history

Me too! It will be the straw that broke the camels back..if I ever have a psychotic melt down this will be the cause.

Gingerkittykat · 21/09/2023 23:38

FallGall · 21/09/2023 22:17

And you have to decide what's for dinner ... Every. Single. Day! For the rest of your life!

I think I was about 13 when I declared I couldn't wait to be an adult and rich enough to go and have a Chinese Take Away every night. If only life was that simple!

Woman2023 · 22/09/2023 10:11

My savings are getting a battering because I'm working part time to care for my mum. On a liveable wage when full time but due to time off for kids, switching jobs and restarting I'm definitely not in that comfortable peak of career when things are financially easier in my 50s that seems to get spoken about.

incognito50me · 22/09/2023 10:19

"The worst bit is that I would usually be optimistic about life getting better over time but this is the first time in my life where it is likely to worse in 5 years time"
Yes, @TobiasForgesContactLense , this is the crux of it for me, too.

BarrelOfOtters · 22/09/2023 10:22

Yes, but I think it goes through phases. It's part of the reason I think menopause can hit so hard that it often coincides with a part of your life that can be one of the more shit ones.

My late 40s were a time of people close to me ill, passing away, or needing care, and husband having a nervous breakdown. While I was at a stage at work that was maximum stress effort and awfulness combined with almost zero support or reward.

It passed and things are on a more even keel now. Many many times I scrolled through Right Move looking for a wee one bedroomed cottage in the countryside to escape too.

BarrelOfOtters · 22/09/2023 10:23

FallGall · 21/09/2023 22:17

And you have to decide what's for dinner ... Every. Single. Day! For the rest of your life!

Oh shit, yes that....

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 22/09/2023 10:36

Gingerkittykat · 21/09/2023 23:38

I think I was about 13 when I declared I couldn't wait to be an adult and rich enough to go and have a Chinese Take Away every night. If only life was that simple!

Show quote history

I used to think I would live off marzipan when I was grown up.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 22/09/2023 10:57

Inhad this exact conversation with a friend this week. When I was a little girl I was excited about being an adult as I wouldn’t have a bedtime and could drink Coca-Cola to my hearts content. Sadly it’s more complicated than that.

TobiasForgesContactLense · 22/09/2023 12:06

On a lighter note than my post above yes to not realising they deciding what to eat everyday would be so onerous.

Also I was very fond of saying that when I was an adult I would go to bed whenever I liked. I didn't realise that a) the time I wanted to go to bed as an adult would be earlier than I was going to bed as a child and b) I actually wouldn't be going to bed when I liked as there would always be another 26 million things to do before I could go to bed.

LetMeEnfoldYou · 22/09/2023 12:20

Yup.

Work is boring as shit.
One child has SEN and it's hard.
DH and I barely have time for a conversation.
I have no friends.
I'm lonely.

I want the joy of optimism and options back. I want to look forward with some sort of expectation of fun and adventure. All I see is more of the same.