Page 3 | Being an adult is not what I expected

paulinewalnuts · 2023-09-21T20:46:58+00:00

Just wanting to share experiences tbh. Dad died a couple months ago. Mum is old and currently unwell. DH is currently unwell. I'm working full time and it's full on. Mortgage rates have gone effing mental. Im menopausal and grumpy. Counsellor has increased charges - fair enough, it's inflation. Just having a general pity party. Please feel free to join in. Waaaahhhhh.

owwwfoot · 22/09/2023 20:29

TinaYouFatLard · 22/09/2023 20:17

God it is depressing isn’t it? I don’t have the problems some of you have - just an ageing body and teenagers to try and parent. I just have this overwhelming feeling that it’s definitely going to get worse and there’s nothing I can do to slow the passage of time.

@owwwfoot I don’t want to sound like a patronising old bag but please enjoy every moment of your time.

Not patronising at all. Thank you. I do try to find something small and happy in every day and usually have a v positive demeanour and just get on with things.

autienotnaughty · 22/09/2023 20:51

Grandad died I had to support end of life due to my mum being ill
Mum died I was her carer for two years previous
Ds is disabled I'm his carer
I'm now dads carer
I can't have a career due to home life
Mortgage is going up by £250
You can't get a holiday for less than 2k
My closest friend from childhood is now an alcoholic with significant mh issues

JMAngel1 · 22/09/2023 21:03

FallGall · 21/09/2023 22:17

And you have to decide what's for dinner ... Every. Single. Day! For the rest of your life!

Do you know what I started doing / we had an old blackboard so I bunged it up in the kitchen and tell the kids to write up the menu every weekend for the week ahead. It’s bloody brilliant!! The main chore of cooking dinner is thinking what to cook. They do it form me and they love doing it with chalk and drawings. Should have done it years ago.

SofiYol · 22/09/2023 21:10

JMAngel1 · 22/09/2023 21:03

Do you know what I started doing / we had an old blackboard so I bunged it up in the kitchen and tell the kids to write up the menu every weekend for the week ahead. It’s bloody brilliant!! The main chore of cooking dinner is thinking what to cook. They do it form me and they love doing it with chalk and drawings. Should have done it years ago.

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Excellent idea!

My kids would definitely just write “pizza” though 🙄

MissBiljanaElectronika · 22/09/2023 21:30

Oh OP, that is so relatable...

I am sorry you lost your dad, and of course there's lots of worrying about your mum now.

I'm in the same situation, but am fighting it with relentless positivity (with an occasional good old crying session)

If people ask how things are, I usually say: great actually, then I list a few positive things... it's a kind of mind trick that works

I also dose myself with nice playlists and lots of sports, cold water swimming (all dopamine chasing behaviour I guess). Hope you can find some time to yourself to look after yourself a bit

Sonolanona · 23/09/2023 01:43

55 here.
Everything aches.
I can't sleep (menopause) but I'm so tired.
Working p/t so broke, looking after dgs the other half of the week.. (the one lovely thing)
Looking after autistic adult son
Looking after the dog.
Mum's getting older and unwell

I have spent my whole adult life so far looking after someone else...even my job is looking after others.

Bloody endless.

BUT. I'm still here. Still have family who love and need me. That counts for something !

MeinKraft · 23/09/2023 02:11

When I was a child I thought everything looked really hard and scary. I was correct! I've lost both my parents and I remember thinking as a little girl how would I ever be able to navigate life without them. Sometimes it still strikes me that I actually have to do this on my own. Not that I'm totally on my own, but the child in me still feels like I am without my mum and dad.

JamSandle · 23/09/2023 09:49

MeinKraft · 23/09/2023 02:11

When I was a child I thought everything looked really hard and scary. I was correct! I've lost both my parents and I remember thinking as a little girl how would I ever be able to navigate life without them. Sometimes it still strikes me that I actually have to do this on my own. Not that I'm totally on my own, but the child in me still feels like I am without my mum and dad.

Me too! I never idealised adulthood.

Being an adult is not what I expected

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