Being an adult is not what I expected

[paulinewalnuts]

Just wanting to share experiences tbh.

Dad died a couple months ago.
Mum is old and currently unwell.
DH is currently unwell.
I'm working full time and it's full on.
Mortgage rates have gone effing mental.
Im menopausal and grumpy.
Counsellor has increased charges - fair enough, it's inflation.

Just having a general pity party.

Please feel free to join in. Waaaahhhhh.

It’s grim

Being a grown up is crap. Boring, expensive and stressful. Yes you can have cake for breakfast but then you have to hate yourself. Boo.

I’m 34 and hard agree. It feels like I’m working every second I’m awake. In my 20s it only felt like I was working when I was actually working.

Yep! I agree! Adulting is absolutely rubbish!!!

And when did I miss the memo that I am responsible for feeding everyone, everyday, for the rest of my life 😫

Oh and the ‘family’ dog - yep she’s also my responsibility as everyone conveniently forgets that she doesn’t survive on strokes and cuddles alone - she also needs feeding, cleaning and walking

Plus I’m well not impressed that my Mum only buys advent calendars for the kids - I’m her kid!!!! Disgraceful.

I thought grown ups knew what they were doing all the time.
I'm still waiting to be given the instruction book for absolutely everything.

When I grow up, I will be strong enough to carry all the heavy things you have to haul around with you when you’re a grown up…

I’ve found my people.

Divorce
Abusive relationship
Dad diagnosed with cancer
Stepparent diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumour
Mum in poor health
Cost of living
Hate my job

Its one thing after another and I am so tired of picking myself up just for something else to hit.

I really feel like it’s pointless being positive right now - I’m a few years away from being menopausal, my parents will be elderly if they’re still here at all, there’s only me - no siblings. I’d really like to be 18 again and know what I know now.

@NoSquirrels
And when I grow up (And when I grow up)
I will have treats every day
And I'll play with things that mum pretends
That mums don't think are fun

That's me. I always thought when you grew up you stopped liking fizzy drinks and liked tea and coffee. You also stopped liking sweets.
Unfortunately for my health neither happened for me. I say my taste buds never grew up.
And I've always wanted a dolls' house. I'm planning on getting on when the children have left home.

Sympathies everyone. I thought things would start getting better by now.

There's pretty much no areas of my life that are stress free at the moment. It's hideous. My blood pressure is "very worrying" according to my dr appt this morning.

How do you manage to de stress and take care of yourself when your life is falling apart and you're literally dragging yourself through the days?

This thread has made me misty eyed. It’s all a sham, isn’t it? There’s no reward. Everything is stupidly expensive now, but salaries are rubbish. Divorce blows a hole in finances that cannot be repaired once you hit your 50s. Then there’s the loss of people, and the threat of sickness and the horror of menopause and the realisation that your body has gone. I wish I was as fat as I thought I was back then…

It’s crap. But looking at this thread, some of you have some genuinely horrible things going on… mine pale in comparison

I’ve got an injury which is rendering me pretty much immobile while it recovers (has to be kept fully still) for 4 weeks. We get married in 4.5wk

We can’t afford to buy a house

Life feels all work and no play atm. And there’s constantly something to worry about!

Both parents were dead by the time I was 35
No relationship with my brother
Brother in law just out of jail after 6 months inside for drugs related offences, causing my in-laws no end of heart ache and stress
Miserable in my current job (although I do have a good prospect on that front)
Youngest daughter, having struggled for years with reading which we put down to her starting school in 2020, may actually have a problem with her eyes - only got that news a few hours ago

And I spend at least an hour everyday trying to figure out the fuck to have for fucking dinner!

Interesting to think about what we would have done differently when young. I spent my twenties travelling and having a v nice time. Not sure whether I wish I had been a bit more sensible about building up some financial resources then or not. What do others think? Would you really have done things differently?

When I was a twenty-something I was v dismissive about financial security, needing to settle down etc and can distinctly remember being horrified when I thought I was pregnant (married already0 at 31, as it felt too early. I wish I could go back to my self then and say have babies sooner rather than later. Menopause, elderly parents and teenagers all hitting at the same time plus 50 plus job insecurities are not fun.

What will you be saying about this to your kids?

At 18 being able for first time to eat and cook what I wanted - loved it.

Mid 40s - every sodding meal is limited by what others in house "might" eat. Plus now when it is just me it often feel like it's not worth bothering to actually cook.

There is a website I follow, Frugalwoods, where she has a set number (about a dozen) meals with detailed recipes and that is all (her husband) cooks. On rotation. I kind of admire that but I just don't think I could bring myself to do it.

Actually made me remember that my granny did that. She had a set meal for different days of the week - so Monday would be a lamb/pork chop, Tuesday shepherd's pie etc until Sunday lunch and then Sunday high tea (salmon sandwiches). We all thought it was hilariously boring as kids but maybe she had a point.

I read somewhere that Gilbert and George eat the same meal every day to preserve their energy for artistic endeavours. I am imagining my kids' faces if I were to give them the same meal every day. How to choose, though??

And even worse is inside my head is still 26 - whilst I am 61

This is a great thread, so cathartic. I'll suggest a dinner for everyone who is fucked off coming up with something.

MACARONI CHEESE.

I'll add more soon on the Crucible front.

It’s so difficult to say, no one way of doing things is right for everyone. I think I see where you are coming from though and I’m on the same page.

I am in my early 20s. We’re thinking about kids soon as we are soon to get married. We could wait but, I think the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks for us: biologically better ages, both our parents were older having us (so will be around the 60 mark, which feels nice) it’s less about the support they can provide and more I envisage lots of lovely family Christmases and trips away etc, also we just want to - despite not having bought our forever home we are financially okay at the moment especially given our ages. DHs wage should only increase as he is still training. We will never have this low living costs again.

If we waited until 35 we would without doubt be better off financially but we’d be less likely to have the other things that are important to us.

An injury, redundancy, large bill, relationship breakdown, climate disaster can change anyone’s world very quickly. That’s just fact and could happen at any age and stage I reckon. We’re all just muddling along. I do like to ponder the many different ‘paths’ and the midnight library by Matt Haig is a really good book which sums all this kinda thinking up

Yep.
And everything fucking hurts!! I'm 51, my body is falling apart, I'm literally limping to the end of the day. I'm so fucking tired and yes so very sick of being the one who has to decide every god damn night what we'll have for tea.
I thought there would be more dancing.

Adulthood is definitely weird. But I never did want to grow up!

I just agree with so much here. Especially the elderly parents issues, being short of money and having to decide what to have for dinner every night.

I've absolutely lost all enthusiasm for what we eat these days. I simply couldn't give a single shit.

Elderly parents? I love my mother dearly but these days, although she remains pin sharp in her eighties, she is so much more vulnerable than she used to be, especially since my Dad died. I feel a little more like the roles are switching now and I am more like her parent than her child (I'm 57 by the way).

Life is just rather meh!! Not bad, but meh!! Though I am hoping it will pick up again in the next few years.

Not on the same scale at all - so this is light-hearted - but I remember getting my first full-time job and realising I had only 4 weeks holiday for the whole year.
No six-weeks off in summer, 2 at Easter, 2 at Christmas, and three half-term weeks.
Just 20 days a year. Working 5 days every week, week after week.
How on earth did I get through it?

God it is depressing isn’t it? I don’t have the problems some of you have - just an ageing body and teenagers to try and parent. I just have this overwhelming feeling that it’s definitely going to get worse and there’s nothing I can do to slow the passage of time.

@owwwfoot I don’t want to sound like a patronising old bag but please enjoy every moment of your time.

Can completely relate!

Dad was fighting cancer all of 2022, went into remission beginning Dec 2022 which was great. Came to us at Xmas and ended up in hospital over the Xmas days. Mum then got poorly a couple days later, in hospital over new year and died 3rd Jan.

I've been single handedly raising 4 children for the past 12 years, juggling money, full time work and family life alone. Except for my parents and brother who help. But I've now lost my support network as dad isn't able to do so much and mum is gone.

No new partner so alone relationshipwise for 12 years.

Just helped my 17yo with driving lessons so my meagre savings have taken a battering.

I'm probably in perimenapause (47), my knees and joints hurt all the time and I'm in a job that involves crawling about and sitting on tiny chairs. My patience with my job is wearing thin but have no idea what to do next as had children young and didn't go to uni. All the appealing jobs need a degree.

Being an adult sucks. I also can see how it could improve. Just want to hibernate from life for a bit.

That's exactly it, wanting to hibernate. That's what I want too.

I said to my counsellor recently that I wish I could be knocked unconscious/put into a coma for 6 months, just for a rest and to shut down for a while.