What boundaries have you set in your life?

[Marax]

Amongst family, friends, work place etc

And is there a reason behind it?

I will not have an active alcoholic/drug user in my life who ruins every encounter with their out of control behaviour. This means my husband's sister doesn't have a space in my life and she is not welcome in my home.

I need to learn to set more boundaries especially in some friendships, I just don't know how or where to start

You need to expand on what kind of boundaries you wish to put in place.

Why do you want to know? What boundaries are in your life?

I will not have liars in my life, personally and professionally, and have sacked people for lying to me. I am open, honest and approachable myself and give no reason for anyone to lie to me

Never eat meat on Fridays (religious reason)
No phones at the table (adult kids worst offenders!)
Any close family may arrive and stay/visit/eat in our house without appointment or notice.
Cheating by my DH or partners of family no tolerance at all.

I watch what happens the first time I say No to someone, and go from there.

Say no more often!

I will not take on my siblings drama. They are so dysfunctional and have brought me nothing but misery since I was a child. I’m NC or LC. I am so much happier.

I have low tolerance for rudeness or those who cannot partake in a two way conversation. So I just tend to fade away from those people.

Keep visits to in-laws short. They’re nice, but have had my fair share of crap from them. Again, happier.

Never drink on my own. Never drink with anyone I do not trust.

I have a friend who needs support but spending too much time with them stresses me out. I see them once a week, and no more.

I exercise every day. Sometimes just a walk for 20 minutes, but I get outside in nature and move my body every day. Work and people have to fit in around that.

My DD comes first. Anyone who isn’t kind or respectful to her doesn’t have a place in my life.

My time is precious. People who don’t respect that (eg regularly turn up late or cancel last minute) aren’t my kind of friends.

There’s some people who I can’t entirely avoid but I have come to realise are drains not radiators. I am polite to them but don’t waste any extra energy on them beyond basic civil interactions, and no longer waste my time thinking about them.

My abusive mother is elderly and forgetful but I do the bare minimum. She has carers and a fantastic cleaner, and my adult DCs do her gardening. No way was I going to be back and forth every day. I made that clear to Social Services after my dad died and her care was being discussed.

I am trying to lose weight and get fit and I refuse to drink alcohol unless I’ve chosen to have a “weekend off”. My DP is a big social drinker and tries to persuade me otherwise. I say, “nope I’m on the lime and soda/Diet Coke” and stick to it. I like wine but I’d rather eat pizza and dessert than drink alcohol to be honest, if I’m going to break my diet for a night.

I switch off my work phone out of hours.

My boundaries are that I must get time to exercise regularly. I will go for a run instead of cleaning. The same people who criticise this (dh and dcs) would be the first to tell me if I was 25 stone.

I must get personal time to read, personal days off from time to time. I deliberately don't broadcast to dcs if I am going for a day shopping without them.

I won't have fake disrespectful people in my life. If I sense that people are giving looks, smirling at others in front of me, then I call them out. If I can't do this, I say 'it is all a big laugh' and then cut them dead every time I see them.

The same with people full of drama, or cfs, wanting lifts, childminding for free.I engage as little as possible.

his means my husband's sister doesn't have a space in my life and she is not welcome in my home.

What about in your husband's home?

I have decided this academic year not to work 4 - 5 hours extra a week unpaid. I am paid peanuts anyway, and the more I do the more is demanded of me.
It is tough. But so far succeeding. ish

Needed to put in various strategies to get it happening.

I leave work and work people at the door when I I leave. Neither are allowed in my personal life. (The odd drink to be sociable). I got an easier job some years ago so I wouldn't have to be responsible for everything.

I can spend my free time however the fuck I want. I'm a very sociable person, but when I get an invitation from someone who makes my heart sink / makes me feel uncomfortable / is disdainful of me, I can say no. Rather than saying yes and regretting it up to and including the event. "No, I'm so sorry, it's just such a busy time for us right now. Hopefully catch you at the school gate x". Aaaaah.

Likewise with family who don't respect our boundaries.

I never drink in my house, exception being the time I had Christmas Day in 2020 by myself.

I do not work Mondays, and my managers and other colleagues know there are no exceptions to this at all.

A boundary is a meeting place :) where two areas meet. Got that from the podcast Best Friend Therapy and I hadn’t thought of it like that before.

With FIL - boundary is basically that he can see kids and husband whenever they want (which is not often and obviously I wouldn’t stop them). But I hold firm that I rarely see him. I will see him at like birthdays and stuff but I’m not going out of my way for him.

With a new friend, who likes to troubleshoot everything to the point you can’t have a moan or rant - I don’t moan to her and therefore she doesn’t know as much about me as she would like to. Love her!! But just cba with all her solutions sometimes.

More choosy with friends now. As others said the cf and bad timekeepers! My mother at arms length due to negative negative. Getting better at saying no but that took time

I decide how I spend my time when I’m not working, and I will not explain or attempt to justify my priorities.
I walk away from people who are directly offensive or hostile towards me.

Also I refuse to buy birthday / Xmas gifts for DH’s side of the family. If he wants his siblings to have gifts on their birthday, he buys them. (I do the same for my side of the family). I also refuse to be DH’s social secretary so again when it comes to making plans with his side of the family that’s up to him.

Say no to invitations, unless it's a "hell yes!"
And never attend shite work events.
Don't drink at home
Strict about on bed times (sleep is so important for wellbeing and brain health)
Set my own work hours & always take lunch
Bill for all time worked
Move my body every morning
No is a full sentence, unless I am risk of hurting feelings!
I expect to be treated with dignity and respect and will call people out if this doesn't happen.
If I fart under a duvet, I will always waft the scent and enjoy the aroma.