What boundaries have you set in your life?

[Marax]

Amongst family, friends, work place etc

And is there a reason behind it?

Thanks for sharing, it's food for thought.

The friend I am struggling with at the moment has overstepped several boundaries for years and I'm only just realising. I've decided to take a big step back and have a break from her and hope that in the future I am able to put things in place that hopefully will make the friendship a lot more healthier.

I don't need to be rescued or have someone baby me or act like another mum.

I don't need to be badgered about when I'm going to have another baby or when I'll get married.

I don't need or want to spend time around her adult children who create nothing but stress.

She can't expect me to break someone's confidentially and privacy, just for some gossip.

I also don’t attend work events / socials outside my core contracted hours (9-6pm)

I don't give money to DB. Short visits to one side of family. Help out babysitting but not for pisstake reasons and on my schedule. Don't take calls after 10pm. Never pressurised into drinking.

@Lovelynames123 I was having exactly this conversation at work today. There's no way back for me with liars. No need at all for it.

That woman is not a friend, op. Cut her out and off immediately. You don't owe her anything, and I promise you her behaviour is never going to change.

Good thread. I work in a sensitive area, so work can be upsetting, I need to compartmentalise and I can't let my work get in my head. My boundary is I don't speak to clients outside of working hours - phone is on silent. I can't understand how people think its acceptable to demand that you are available 24 hours to answer general enquiries, book appointments etc.

I work part time and do not do anything to do with work on my days off. No logging into emails on days off, or in the evenings or at weekends. It hasn't harmed my career and people can call me if they urgently need me.

I have a set bedtime routine every night. Take my vitamins, brush my teeth, wash and moisturise my face and read in bed for 30 minutes before lights out. Every night with no exceptions.

I am a valued member of the family and I have the same work opportunities, time for hobbies, down time and disposable income as everyone else in the family.

I was a martyr who was abused in my first marriage. I had to discover and value my self worth and cut off anyone who thinks I am worth less just because I am mum.

I notice some people commenting have cut off many others. At a certain point you need to look at yourself if the numbers are that high.

I have very black and white feelings around cheating and affairs and I simply don’t tolerate being around people who think it’s an OK/excusable way to behave. I’ve cut friends off for this; I have no interest in having people in my life whose morals and integrity are so far removed from my own. I have to do it for the sake of my own sanity - I’ve had friends waste hours of my time looking for validation for their disrespectful behaviour and I can think of many better things to give my energy to.

I do this too.

I don’t check emails out of hours or on holiday.
I don’t drink at home.
I don’t go to work socials, or organise Christmas dos, or leaving gifts just because I’m an administrator and people think that doing those things is in my job description.
I don’t have school friends on Facebook if they are not actual real life friends.
I don’t pretend to like people if I don’t. I will be civil but nothing more.
The only person I will iron for is me.

Great question.

• prioritise health above everything else
• put movement and exercise as key part of day
• don’t worry to much about eating the right food all the time
• don’t be the diplomat - be yourself
• call out discriminatory behaviour esp against disabled people
• don’t do more work than is necessary to live a good life not a rich
• spend money if you have it - who knows what’s round the corner
• make your home a warm and comfortable place
• Say ‘no’ and ‘I don’t like that’ as much as you like
• ignore the negative and hate filled media stuff
• not be friends with moaners or liars or show offs
• dont do work emails on holidays
• try to engage and connect with kids at least once a day
• don’t feel obliged to make small talk or ‘prop up’ dull conversations - this has made HUGE difference to my enegry

I had a friend from my teens who I realised was just a user - dumped her child on me, borrowed money that was never paid back and then tried to break up my marriage. I dumped and blocked. Still have mutual contacts and she is still obsessing over me.

NC with family member (get on fine with all others)

Never forgive or forget

Do things that make me feel happy, appreciated, and improve my health and happiness.

I think I've got it pretty much down!!

The numbers will often be high because if you're the kind of person who has poor boundaries and has been that way for a long time, it won't just be one person trampling all over them, there's likely to be quite a few in your life who are only there for what they can get out of the situation and don't show you any consideration. Cutting all of those types out is a very good idea

I try and treat people as I find them and as I want to be treated, I don't come up with dramatic back stories to things I know nothing about and I don't play minds games, I don't find reasons to blame everyone else and own my choses

I expect the same in return

I no longer spend time with people who don't like me. So I left a volunteering position; and avoid one café.

No riding boots in the house, no mobile phones at the dinner table and no boyfriends staying overnight. And no leaving wet towels and underwear on the floor of the upstairs bathroom - altho I’m fighting a losing battle on that one….. grrrr. 🤨

I notice some people commenting have cut off many others. At a certain point you need to look at yourself if the numbers are that high.

Previous poster makes a good point. I was also going to say that having poor boundaries often comes from growing up in a dysfunctional family system, where lots of people suffer from the same set of victim/abuser issues. So having to cut a number out is not unusual.

OP, my main boundary is that as I've got older I only spend energy or time on people (or things) that make me feel good. I have dropped a couple of friends in the last few years because they drained me, or the friendship was too one sided. It sounds as though you should think of dropping this friend.

I won't ever enter into another friendship WhatsApp group chat. My previous one was quite toxic and full on and if you didn't reply to each and every single text some would get super offended. So now I just text/phone people individually.

I do not tolerate drama of any kind with family/friendship groups. I just remove myself from situations that include drama and ask people to please not involve me.

I do not stress about keeping my home spotless.

If my partner (hypothetically) cheated/openly lied to me, the relationship would be over instantly.

I won't have alcoholics in my life
If a ever man hits me once I will leave
I stop work on the dot
No drinking alone
If I'm invited to a good friends party I stay until the end!

Another one - I don’t bed share except for with DH or DD. So if you want me to come to your hen weekend, 40th birthday celebration etc I need my own bed. (I am willing to pay more if necessary, but I’m not bed sharing)