Make me feel better with your tales of animal debauchery

[aduckinarow]

I've a dog . I love him dearly . But my cos they're disgusting creatures at times

I've just gone downstairs to the faint smell of dog poo

Searched for the offending smell, (he has been out btw )

Found a small stain on the carpet which is luckily very easy to clean as anti stain carpet but - this means he has shat on the floor and unless he went and got a doggy bag , picked it up and put it in the bin ......it means he ate it . 🤢

He's acting like nothing happened. I've had to steam the carpet with dettol.

Why are animals such , animals !

My cat came home with a cooked chicken wing yesterday. I can only guess he had been in someone’s house, which he has form for, and took it from their roast dinner and brought it home for me. He was so proud of himself!

Our dog was a nightmare for eating things he shouldn't including a lasagne ready meal plastic packaging and all!
But the worst was the time he ate a cowpat then vomited it up. This was compounded by OH vaxxing it using hot water so vaporised cow 💩 all round the house cue wide open windows in Nov!!
Also had a great fondness for rolling in fox or even better chicken 💩 given half a chance

My inky sneaky elastic black cat will eat vomit, roll in shit, bring in spiders, half eaten birds etc. Her latest trick is bringing in cockroaches.......

Well, I just got home to find the disgusting Jack Russell had pooed in her food bowl. She was very annoyed with me because of this.

One of my old dogs rolled in a dead fish. Took ages to get the smell out. It was potent. Another rolled in her own poo and then raced around (luckily) the garden trying to avoid being caught. She was swiftly bathed

Mine used to shag his bed straight after his dinner while was in the shower.
Treats it like an after 8 mint and if I put it in my office out of the way, would deliberately go and get it for the very purpose.
Has no interest in it at any other time.

All very well but then he lies there afterwards with his whole penis hanging out panting.
It got stuck out one day and I had to ring the vet for advice on how to get it to go back in, it involved lube and manually shoving it back into the sheath.

After that Ive taken to bringing his bed into the bathroom with me to stop him from getting at it because I never ever want to relive that moment ever again.

My current dogs seem to enjoy nail clippings. When ever I do my toe nails, they are there ready to scarf it down

Sorry I’m just started to read which is why I’m posting multiple times but my god this is hilarious. I was actually laughing out loud the nurse came to see if I was crying (in hospital). That’s hilarious

Ffs this thread is gross. I’m so glad I’ve e got no animals. 😃

As a teenager I loaned a horse for a few years. He was a gelding (castrated male) and generally showed little interest in mares…until a new mare arrived on the yard and was put in the field next to him. He stalked the fence line, slapping his belly with his erection any time she got remotely close to him. He wouldn’t let me catch him to bring him into his stable. He turned into a monster until she was moved!

Now I keep a snake (who doesn’t do anything debauched) and tarantulas who also don’t generally get up to much. The mature male tarantulas do make ‘wanky blanky’ webs but that’s nothing compared to what dogs get up to!

I had a debauched snake once - he was a Western hognose and he used to leave little blobs of ejaculate all over the side of his water bowl. Occasionally he would whip out his hemipenes and deposit it on my hand while I was holding him. I've never encountered that sort of behaviour from any snake before him or since. I mentioned it to the vet once and he said it just proved he was a "functional" snake. I'm very glad that both of my current ones are female.

More please people!! This thread is so entertaining