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Original poster

Make me feel better with your tales of animal debauchery

112 replies

aduckinarow · 17/09/2023 20:47

I've a dog . I love him dearly . But my cos they're disgusting creatures at times

I've just gone downstairs to the faint smell of dog poo

Searched for the offending smell, (he has been out btw )

Found a small stain on the carpet which is luckily very easy to clean as anti stain carpet but - this means he has shat on the floor and unless he went and got a doggy bag , picked it up and put it in the bin ......it means he ate it . 🤢

He's acting like nothing happened. I've had to steam the carpet with dettol.

Why are animals such , animals !

OP posts:
Radiodread · 17/09/2023 23:01

@Mydogisagentleman your dog is a retriever isn’t he?! Or possibly a spaniel.

my dog had also done every one of those things including the seal and the hidden human poo. The seal, and the journey home in the car afterwards, was a low point in our relationship.

PicturesOfDogs · 17/09/2023 23:03

Cockapoo, not cockatoo! 😂

Imagine that 😳😂

Radiodread · 17/09/2023 23:04

@TheSpottedZebra thst is possibly the funniest thing I have ever read on MN

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Dogs
LaffTaff · 17/09/2023 23:09

My almost 5yo springer lad has a few eccentricities...
My husband is a slap head, so he sports the shaved head/bearded look. I shave hubby's napper for him with clippers and, whilst I'm clipping, the dog wanders round the floor and EATS all the shaved off hair. There's nothing left on the floor, no need to sweep up, cos the manky wee bugger has eaten every bit.

fuckmyuteruslining · 17/09/2023 23:09

tinofbeans · 17/09/2023 21:45

We regularly have breakfast while our Giant African Land Snails make love on the sideboard.

The kids say 'they are jabbing again' with an eye roll of resignation

We left ours with friends whilst away. She texted to point out they appeared to be 'intimate'. It was a bit embarrassing.

XenoBitch · 17/09/2023 23:11

My mum had a dog who used to get awfully travel sick. She needed to take her somewhere in the car, so was careful to not feed her that morning so if she did vom, it would be basic bile and not foody chunks. She took her for a walk before the drive, but failed to notice the dog eating something. Dog went in car, 2 minutes into the journey, vomited fox shit all over the place. Fox shit is bad enough, but vomited in up in an enclosed space.... just no!

Another one.. I have my own dog. When she was younger, we fed her one of those chub roll things. She loved it. Later on, I was led on the sofa and my dog stood on me, and threw up her entire dinner all over my chest and neck. Chub rolls smell rank anyway, but after some time in her tummy, and also being very warm too.... yuk!!!

LaffTaff · 17/09/2023 23:19

XenoBitch · 17/09/2023 23:11

My mum had a dog who used to get awfully travel sick. She needed to take her somewhere in the car, so was careful to not feed her that morning so if she did vom, it would be basic bile and not foody chunks. She took her for a walk before the drive, but failed to notice the dog eating something. Dog went in car, 2 minutes into the journey, vomited fox shit all over the place. Fox shit is bad enough, but vomited in up in an enclosed space.... just no!

Another one.. I have my own dog. When she was younger, we fed her one of those chub roll things. She loved it. Later on, I was led on the sofa and my dog stood on me, and threw up her entire dinner all over my chest and neck. Chub rolls smell rank anyway, but after some time in her tummy, and also being very warm too.... yuk!!!

Oh lovely 🤢😂 I find chunky vom easier to clean than the frothy bile (though my dog is another one who eats his own vomit). He jumped up on our bed one morning when we were lying cosy and chilled, and promptly barfed right in the space between our pillows.

Original poster
aduckinarow · 17/09/2023 23:25

I'm feeling better about my boy cleaning up his own poop

OP posts:
Secondaryschoolstress · 17/09/2023 23:34

Not my dog, but was walking it. Gorgeous, bounding, young black Labrador. I was on my horse.
Dead badger ahead in the road. Been there for days. Height of summer. It’s swollen up, whole and absolutely stinking.
Said Labrador gallops up to the badger. And leaps on head first and proceed to roll in it. The badger burst. maggots and slimy rotten flesh seep out everywhere. Cover the dog. Worst smell in the world. Horse takes one look / smell and whips round and tries to dash home.
Dog turns up home half an hour later, absolutely reeking, so he was thrown in the duck pond (which he loved swimming in) and then hosed off from afar and scrubbed with a kitchen broom and fairy liquid.

Original poster
aduckinarow · 17/09/2023 23:37

🤢

OP posts:
Sonolanona · 17/09/2023 23:44

I had to throw away my son's 'Bear in the Big Blue house' cuddly toy that talked...
because my Maine Coon cat (neutered!) used to hump it so vigorously that it would start singing 'Welcome to the Big Blue house'! It was disconcerting to say the least Grin

And my dog is a fox poo addict. Every chance she gets, she rolls in it. She's double coated and we keep a special bottle of ketchup for shampooing her afterwards!

Original poster
aduckinarow · 17/09/2023 23:47

Welcome to the big blue house 😂😂😂😂. On being shagged by a Maine coon 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
aduckinarow · 17/09/2023 23:47

Cat porn 😂

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 18/09/2023 00:01

Sonolanona · 17/09/2023 23:44

I had to throw away my son's 'Bear in the Big Blue house' cuddly toy that talked...
because my Maine Coon cat (neutered!) used to hump it so vigorously that it would start singing 'Welcome to the Big Blue house'! It was disconcerting to say the least Grin

And my dog is a fox poo addict. Every chance she gets, she rolls in it. She's double coated and we keep a special bottle of ketchup for shampooing her afterwards!

I know it is grim, but the bit about the cat made me laugh!

When I first got with my ex, I went to his house and met his cats. One of them spent a good while on my lap. He was purring, kneading my lap and drooling. When he eventually jumped off, there was a gooey mess on my lap, and it was not drool from his mouth.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 18/09/2023 00:07

We had cats and dogs. As soon as a cat used the litter tray we had to race the dogs to get to it otherwise they thought the cat had been kind enough to leave them a warm snack. 🤮🤮🤮

crumblylancs · 18/09/2023 00:08

Cat is a very competent hunter.. just one of many tales but I found feathers all over my hallway and dining room last week song with some kind of bird organ, no carcass to be seen which, going off his previous, he will have eaten the whole thing

301963Laurie · 18/09/2023 00:12

IHeartGeneHunt · 17/09/2023 21:05

My Jack Russell is a disgrace.
She once ate 6 freshly cooked chickens hearts while they were too hot, threw them up, and ate them again in the time it took me to go and get a cloth.
She ate half a magpie and threw the beak up in my bed.
She rolls in slugs.
She eats bird poo.
She fetches dead worms into the house and hides them to eat later.
She licked a toad.
I had to pull a snail out of her mouth.
She farts really badly and then leaves the room.
She ate a discarded chicken salad including the plastic box before I could stop her.
She tried to hide a dead hedgehog for later.

That is actually quite extreme. My JRT and previous one didn’t do any of that ! In fact the oldest missed a rat that was in our house 😳

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 18/09/2023 00:16

crumblylancs · 18/09/2023 00:08

Cat is a very competent hunter.. just one of many tales but I found feathers all over my hallway and dining room last week song with some kind of bird organ, no carcass to be seen which, going off his previous, he will have eaten the whole thing

The organ was probably the bird’s gallbladder. Bile tastes bitter so cats won’t eat it.

Pyjamasleeveprincess · 18/09/2023 00:24

Had a big fat, lazy ginger Tom. When he purred it sounded like a motorbike, and as far as he was concerned, any time not spent on your lap was time wasted. He's sadly gone now but not forgotten

Anyway, for various reasons he came to us about a year old and still with his 🍒. Swiftly removed by the local vet. However that didn't stop certain activities. His all time favourite was fleece, to the extent that the throw on the back of the sofa became known as his wanky blanket. He made an absolute racket as well when he got going.

Ellmau · 18/09/2023 00:28

DM's childhood terrier once bit the back end off a tortoise.

MeinKraft · 18/09/2023 00:30

The spiders running around my house atm are absolute sex pests. Place is like a sodding arachnid brothel.

WinterDeWinter · 18/09/2023 00:32

TheSpottedZebra · 17/09/2023 22:56

Wait, what?
WHAT????

The dog fellates your parrot? Do parrots have willies?
Does he rim him?

What?

Show quote history

Still laughing at the cockapoo/cockatoo sexuals mixup.

MeinKraft · 18/09/2023 00:36

Stomacharmeleon · 17/09/2023 21:37

My adorable pug regularly needs her anal glands doing as she generally whiffs like billingsgate fish market. Regardless of how often I get her 'done' she still squirts grot over the sofa which reeks of kipper until I locate it :(

She is grim but I love her!

I had a little pug years ago. She went everywhere with me and sat in the passenger seat of my car. Once I stopped at a red light and, thinking the journey was over, she jumped over onto my knee. I lifted her back onto her own seat, light turned green and I set off. It was only when driving that I realised she'd squirted her anal gland fluid all over my hand during her manoeuvre which was now all over the steering wheel and I was on the fucking dual carriageway.

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 18/09/2023 01:00

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Agapornis · 18/09/2023 02:19

Pyjamasleeveprincess · 18/09/2023 00:24

Had a big fat, lazy ginger Tom. When he purred it sounded like a motorbike, and as far as he was concerned, any time not spent on your lap was time wasted. He's sadly gone now but not forgotten

Anyway, for various reasons he came to us about a year old and still with his 🍒. Swiftly removed by the local vet. However that didn't stop certain activities. His all time favourite was fleece, to the extent that the throw on the back of the sofa became known as his wanky blanket. He made an absolute racket as well when he got going.

wanky blanket Grin

Found out at the start of lockdown that Previous DCat (RIP) had a habit of humping the sofa cushions, normally when the humans were out. He'd had the snip long ago, barely left the house anymore, we thought he was too old for any of that. Cheers mate.