Have any of you jobs where you are regularly abused verbally?

[Cantstandpowerpoints]

My daughters are both teachers in their 20s. One newly qualified, one just started her 2nd year.

The newly qualified teacher was verbally abused on her second day (!) by a parent, it was nothing she’d done, the parent was angry about something school related. Swearing, screaming etc.

She said although she felt like crying she took herself off afterwards on her own and had a word with herself along the lines of toughening up if she wants to make it in teaching. School staff very supportive of her, she’s absolutely fine.

Second daughter verbally abused yesterday by an angry parent. Again nothing personal, my daughter was on duty at the start of school and parent swearing and screaming at her about parking issues. Again, angry at the school rather than my daughter. Again she was upset, but didn’t show it and is over it.

I was really sad for both of them as we’re not a ‘shouty’ family and life is usually calm so it’s upsetting to think your kids are being sworn and shouted at at work.

It got me thinking. Is your job one where this happens on a regular basis? I’m thinking obvious ones like traffic wardens, but maybe you’re abused regularly in a profession we would never expect? How do you cope? Do you get used to it, zone out, or has it got too much for you in the end?

It does seem that people are becoming more and more angry in general and are not thinking about the human being they’re abusing.

My first graduate job was as a research assistant in a local authority archive. One of our jobs was to staff the public reading room and advise people on the documents they needed for their research.

Sounds like a nice gentle job. On the contrary - abuse was a regular occurance - I was regularly swore at, had things thrown at me, called a stupid cunt and more. I was once strangled with my own lanyard.

Now days I work in regulatory policy in a fairly senior role. We don't interact face to face with the public but the emails we get .... threats to come and bomb our office, mindless abuse, mental conspiracy nonsense. The choice ones were during lockdown were people wrote to us hoping we and all our families died of covid.

@wheresmymojo

But that is my point. It’s too often just an excuse and educational professionals are sometimes too quick to label it as such. Usually because they’re lovely people and can’t quite comprehend some people are just abusive arseholes.

Forensic backgrounds are the worst of the worst of the worst. I would absolutely expect more abuse working with those populations. The reality is I am abused far more by Johnnys dad after a science lesson. Or maybe Middle class Millys mum who blames me for her entitled daughters lack of engagement. And it goes on and on.

Definitely true. And that's where what you posted about entitlement comes into play so strongly, right?

In the case of the people I worked with, at least, many people with criminal histories or substance misuse issues etc. have the trauma but not the entitlement that you mentioned earlier.

They're used to being inside a system, and used to not having the 'right' to get exactly what they want when they want it, as @Itslosenotloose said upthread.

Outside of those settings, though, people are carrying around the trauma AND the expectation that they have all their needs and wants, however irrational, met immediately – which is an explosive combination.

Traffic warden

I got abuse as a teacher - from students and parents - but never as much as I did as bar staff 25/30 years ago from age 18 to 22. I worked bars and clubs throughout uni and then a couple of years beyond while figuring out what to do, and it was daily abuse. Sexual, verbal, drunk customers claiming they were next in line at the bar or they’d definitely given me a twenty (I never once got that wrong, we had cameras to prove it). The bouncers would always sort it, but I was told they’d be waiting outside to beat me up every week (no one actually ever did wait). And dozens of times every shift the sexual comments. I’m still friends with the women I worked with back then, though, and I loved working with them. I really hope things haven’t got worse for young, female bar staff because it was appalling then.

Thinking about it, in a lot of my jobs I’ve been abused. Temp jobs at call centres while at uni - one in particular was for a delivery company before all this online tracking. I answered the phones to the customers who hadn’t received their deliveries, who’d waited in all day. They were really rude, but I understood their frustration.

@natura

But it isn’t always trauma and entitlement. Maybe sometimes but a lot of the time it is just entitlement. They do it, because they can. And too often, we throw the word trauma into the mix.

Life is hard and society has massive challenges but I see this as more of a trend to be honest. Manners don’t exist in many communities full stop. Those who shout the loudest get their needs and wants met which results in other parents feeling they have the right to do the same etc etc etc.

I mean, I don’t have the answers not at all. I would probably encourage my DD not to enter certain careers though in light of society as it currently is. It isn’t worth the stress of being the receiver of everyone’s “trauma dumping”.

Yip, banking investigator.

I get abuse from 'vulnerable' customers (15 insulting emails a day, 5 voicemails an hour) and I'm expected not to point out how unreasonable it is.

The irony is I often have the same diagnosis as the vulnerable customer I'm expected to bend over backwards and be insulted by.

Got shouted at for 40 solid minutes in a call about two weeks ago and had a headache the rest of the day. Had to go to bed straight after work.

I worked in a Pupil Referral Unit. Other than ‘fuck off’, which was pretty regular, I would say I was verbally abused maybe once a week, but when it happened, it was because a child had completely lost control, so it was extreme. There was more physical abuse tbh.

Nurse by any chance?

So sorry. People just don't know how to behave.

I work in housing for a local authority and I and all my colleagues are regularly shouted and sworn at by tenants. We get called names, threatened and just generally treated like dirt.

My old job yes it was a common occurrence because pressure was placed down the line and I was seen as the one preventing them from tight timescales and works (I wasn't we needed approval first!) But I switch jobs and now rarely get it. If it does start then I simply reply with I don't think this is constructive and it's not appropriate therefore I am calling an end to this meeting.

My DH gets it on a daily basis (works for the council) apparently everything is his fault and the council is useless....no they can only do what they can within the regs.
Sadly people think if they are angry then it's acceptable to release that on others. What they don't get is that it doesn't get them anywhere and actually it's better to remain calm, concise and ask what the resolution is.

Oh absolutely, I don't think it's either-or at all.

Both-and all over the place – and whatever the reason, it's shit to be on the receiving end of.

Teacher here - verbally abused by children and parents weekly at minimum. Usually made to cry once a month (out of anger and frustration, after work). Last year I was physically assaulted by children on at least 6 occasions. I didn’t get an apology from the child in more than half of them, I never had an apology from the parents, nor had them check I was okay after being injured (two injuries required months of physio, one meant I had to be picked up by DP asap and taken to a doctor). Teaching is tough rn. I don’t know if I’ll last much longer so I don’t have advice except to send all the love and support I can to other teachers!

Yes. It doesnt bother me. After 23 years its water off a ducks back

I worked with traumatised children in a residential setting.

My role meant I had a different relationship with the children so I wasn't on the receiving end of most of their dysregulation. But the verbal abuse was the main reason I left in the end. I really affected me.

Another teacher (25 years). Tbh, I dealt with the abusive better as a younger teacher. Just let it wash over me. Now I’m tired, I have personal struggles of my own so when I’m being lashed out at, all I want to shout is “I’m having a shit time too, most likely worse than you, but I have to suck it up and take it just because I’m a teacher”. I mange not to call people I meet outside of work cunts, I wish I could be afforded the same.

Retail. Sucked up the verbal abuse, bullying and out right rudness of entitled customers & managers for 6 months. The nasty colleagues who have been there for 10 years + were obviously thrown in for free. All that for minimum wage.

Never. Ever. Again!!